Ok so I don’t know about your husband, but mine was ready to get it on the night we arrived home, with the baby in the bassinet next to us. “Um, no thanks.”
We are told to wait 6 weeks, and then we get this green light from our OB’s. A green light, like we are supposed to be raring to go. I will say, I was ready emotionally and mentally (at times), and boy was I turned on (at times). But I was NOT ready physically. And let’s be honest– I was tired. And I was scared to try! I’d just gotten through pushing a 7 pound baby through my vagina, so something the size of a penis going in shouldn’t be daunting. But it was!
I’d torn– a second degree tear. My vagina was different. It looked different from where they’d stitched me up. It felt different. It was sensitive and painful just to sit at times. I was just getting back to pooping without fear. So yes, I was scared!
So we get the green light. My husband’s excited. I’m… nervous. We try. It’s painful. Even with my husband going slow, and stopping every 2 seconds to make sure I was ok. It was not comfortable. It felt like sandpaper grating at my vagina. Not exactly something I want done to me. The 4 month mark arrived. I was still not at it at 16 weeks. So, I mentioned it at my next visit to the OB.
I’m now pregnant with my second. My daughter is 2.5 and I’m having THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. So, not to fear ladies. You will get your mojo back, and it will be better than ever!
Here are some tips, tricks, and advice I got along the way. I share this with you today, because this is one of those issues that doesn’t get talked about enough, and yet we all have to figure out– seemingly by ourselves. Inevitably, a mom in one of the mom’s groups on Facebook timidly types out her worries, her fears, the pain she felt, etc. And suddenly the tribe appears to help share their wisdom. Here’s that wisdom for you new mommies. And, I promise you will have good sex once again. Once again soon!
This is by far the BEST advice I got, and it was from my doctor. Use lubrication. Water based, normal lube (nothing fancy). I had never used any sort of lube before, and felt a bit odd buying it at the store. But let me tell you– it worked. It reduced the pain 99%!
- Use it or lose it
This is the second piece of advice I got from my doctor. It seemed a bit harsh at first, but once I got going again, it made sense. There is going to be a period of time that sex isn’t quite what it used to be and may be slightly painful. If you power through, slowly, you will strengthen your muscles again, and it will be back to normal (or even better like in my case). There are ways to make it less painful (see numbers 1, 4, 5, and 6).
- Dress for success
Let’s face it– with sore nipples, spit-up in our hair, and baby poop who knows where, we aren’t always in the mood. We are lacking sleep, and just not ourselves in the beginning. A little help with your favorite sexy outfit might just do the trick. Buy something new. Treat yourself to feeling sexy.
- Set the mood
Get your mind off of the baby. Have a date night in. Get out some wine, or make it some shots. It doesn’t matter. Make chocolate fondue and immerse yourself in your date night. Focus on your husband and enjoy yourself.
- Go slow
Don’t go at it like rabbits. While maybe you used to love that, right now is the time for slow, soft and gentle.
- Try new positions
What used to feel great, might be too deep, or too different now. For some women they like to be on top so they can control what’s going on. For me that hurt too much. Try some different positions to see what is the most enjoyable in your post baby body.
Above all else, talk to your husband. Tell him if something hurts, or if something feels good. Reassure him (he’ll need it, too). Tell him your fears, your desires, your frustrations and more. Talk as much as you can. The more he’s in the loop, the more he can help. And he wants to help.
Whatever you do, don’t be ashamed of when you got back to having sex. Don’t compare yourself to others that seem to jump back into bed week 1. Don’t think anything is abnormal. Talk to your husband, talk to your doctor, and be honest with yourself as well. Trust that your body will heal. I promise it will!