Shop the fall collection ➔

Here I am on the eve of my 34th birthday having a little pity party. I am on the verge of tears thinking I am 34 and single. Single and alone. No one wants me. I have nothing. 

I keep telling myself this lie. This bull crap of a lie. I want to slap myself I am so angry. Angry at me for believing it. Why do I keep telling myself this? Why do I keep believing this? Why have I let this little seed of hate and falsehood grow inside of me? Why is it so hard for me to really cherish what I have? 

When I really think about what I do have, I feel so ashamed. Selfish. Horrible. I have so much and I belittle it down to nothing. When I write out what I have in my life, they outweigh the nothing. My blessings are true, real, authentic, solid, and trustworthy. I want to weep in thankfulness. Yet, the lies always keep coming back. The comparison game tears me apart. I let the loneliness overtake. 

I am selfish. I am ungrateful. I take advantage of what is given to me. I am a failure in the eyes of God. And everyone who loves me. Because I keep believing the lie I tell myself. I have nothing. 

I know this is not true. I fall to my knees thanking God for the gifts and blessings He gives me. The life I live. The breath I take. The love I get to give and receive. I beg Him to forgive me. I am sorry. I am so very sorry for believing I have nothing. I am worth nothing. I am nothing. I am sorry for throwing the amazing people and opportunities I have been given back in your face. I am sorry for not trusting in you, Lord. I am so desperately sorry I am having trouble believing the unending and deep love you have for me. 

These lies. These vicious, vicious lies. They sneak in. Whispering in my ear. You are not enough. You are weak. You can’t do this. You will never be pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, fun enough. You are nothing. You have nothing. 

LIES! All lies. But why is it so hard to see the truth? To see what I do have? I have more than I ever imagined I would. My sons who love me. My T & G are my greatest gifts. My family, whose love is more than just by sharing a name. My friends, who want to celebrate me. And not just on my birthday, but everyday. My tribe of women here on Her View. They accept me and embrace me for me. For my heart, my courage, my voice, my encouragement, and my weaknesses. 

I get to live in a country where I get to work. Where I am able to live in my own home. Where I get to own a car, pay my bills, and raise my sons. Alone. I get to live in a time where my hopes and dreams matter. And  can be achieved. I get to share my voice, my words, my heart with the World Wide Web. I get to be in a place I call home and I am not afraid to be me. 

I get to worship God and His son Jesus. I get to talk, sing, write, and showcase His grace and forgiveness. He forgives me. He loves me. That is my biggest and best blessing. 

When I start talking back to the lies, I lessen their impact. When I slap them back in their place, I let the gratefulness rise up. Yet, they keep coming back. 

I am sorry. My dear loved ones, I am so very sorry. That I take what you give me and make it less. I am working to show you how utterly grateful I am. With words and actions. 

Katie Weber

Me. My two little men. My second change. Motherhood. Depression. Divorce. Love. God. laugher. Friendship. My lovely. It's all right here. Follow along for more at Lovely in the Dark. 

The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got: Touch Feet Every Night

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple touching feet in bed

Twenty-six years ago this summer, I got a tiny piece of advice on my wedding day that has kept me from making a huge mistake time and time again. A wise woman told me, “When you climb in bed each night with your husband, make sure that your feet touch under the covers. It’s hard to be mad at someone and touch feet.”  I had no idea, all those years ago, how impactful this piece of advice would be and how many times in our marriage this would be the small act that kept us united. This simple act of...

Keep Reading

Faith is a Verb, So We Go to Church

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman and teen daughter in church pew

Every Sunday morning we rush out the door bribing, coaxing, and threatening our kids to just “Get into the van!” Luckily, we live remotely rural so we don’t have neighbors to witness our often un-Christlike eye rolls and harsh sighs as we buckle each other up. We’ve always lived within a five-minute drive to a chapel, and yet we are usually there not two minutes before the service starts. Once sitting in our seats, we’re on high alert for noise control and sibling altercations for the next hour of what is supposed to be a peaceful, sacred, spirit-filled service. Which...

Keep Reading

3 Simple Ways to Be a More Confident Mother

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and young child smiling outside

Do you ever ask yourself why you can’t be more like that mom or why can’t your kids be like those kids? The comparison trap is an easy one to fall into if we aren’t careful. At the click of our fingers, we see Pinterest-worthy motherhood in every category. From the mom with the black-belt kids to the mom with Marie Kondo organizing skills—it’s easy to look at their lives and feel like we’ve fallen short. Even worse, is when we start to strive to become something we aren’t or prod our kids to become something they aren’t.  Comparison makes...

Keep Reading

Grief Is Persistent But God Is Faithful

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Woman praying by ocean

The loss of a parent doesn’t just sting, it leaves you with an irreplaceable hole in your heart. It’s been two years since my loving daddy went home to be with Jesus, and the loss I feel is still unimaginable.  I know in my heart he’s in a better place that is absent of pain and distress. However, his physical presence and wisdom are so dearly missed here on this earth.  He left behind an army of a family who adored him and looked to him for solid guidance. No matter how hard I try to look to the bright...

Keep Reading

I Gave up on God but He Never Gave up on Me

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother hugging son, color photo

I grew up in a religious house. We went to church every Sunday. My mom taught Sunday school, and we participated as a family in most church events. We believed in the power of prayer, hope, faith, love, and forgiveness. As a little girl, I watched my dad kneel at the side of the bed every night and say his prayers. In the last six years, my faith has not been what it should have been. It has plummeted into the depths of nothingness, buried deep below the darkness. I have felt angry and abandoned by God. In response, I...

Keep Reading

I Count My Blessings Every Day

In: Faith
Mom and child by beach

I remember being jealous of my classmates often. I would look at the girls at my school who seemed to be living such a carefree life. They would do well in school effortlessly and go home to their moms, dads, and siblings, to a house they’d grown up in. I wanted that so much for myself! I wanted my mom and dad to be together, and if it wasn’t too much to ask, a sibling or two. I wanted us to live in a house where I could have my own room, but I wouldn’t mind sharing if I had...

Keep Reading

Dear Lord, Make Me a Grace Hunter

In: Faith
Woman with crutches looking out window, black-and-white photo

I want to be known as a grace hunter. Every day, I pray I would be given eyes to see the world in which we live through a lens of grace—a lens that causes me to marvel at the ways of my God and be constantly filled with wonder. I am thankful I have no choice but to live life at a slower pace. I pray for the ability to see the beauty and God’s grace in the seemingly small and insignificant things. RELATED: In the Midst of Grief, There is Grace I pray for eyes to see His grace even...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, Follow Your Beautiful Heart

In: Faith, Kids
Mother and daughter smiling

When I held you in my arms for the first time, it was like time stopped. As you looked up at me with innocence and new life, I was struck by the reality that my main role in your life would be to guide and direct you on the right path. I hoped I would do the best job possible. As I watched you grow, I basked in your joy of putting on your pretty dresses, adorned with layers of costume jewelry, parading around the house for your father and me to see. I dreamed often of what path you...

Keep Reading

So God Made Midnight

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and newborn

When God created a mother, He created her to love and serve in every moment. He knew the constant need would sometimes overwhelm her and she would have no choice but to rely on His strength and grace. He knew she would feel like there weren’t enough hours in the day . . . so God made midnight. He knew a mama’s days with a newborn would be busy and sometimes chaotic. He knew she would be distracted by meeting needs and attempting to find balance—that sneaking in a hot shower would become almost a luxury . . . so...

Keep Reading

Lord, I Don’t Want To Face This Storm

In: Faith
Rain cloud over a lake, color photo

“I feel like I’m right in the middle of that rain shaft, suspended over the ocean,” I told my husband as we waited out a Florida afternoon rain on our hotel balcony. “There’s light and beauty all around me, but I feel like I’m just lost in that storm.”  Just two nights before, we awoke to the cries of our 11-year-old son, the pain in his right lower abdomen so great that he woke up from a deep sleep. Our vacation took a solemn turn as my husband loaded him up in our rental car and drove to a children’s...

Keep Reading