So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

“She lost the baby.”

“She had a miscarriage.”

“The baby died.”

“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

These are all words no woman ever wants to hear. Simple phrases strung together that are every expectant parents’ worse nightmare. Nobody ever expects it to be them.

“That won’t happen to me.”

I thought that once myself. Until it happened to me – twice.

Nobody tells you what to expect when you find out your baby is dead inside your womb. That he/she has been for 2 ½ weeks without you knowing it.

Nobody tells you what to say to your husband when you have to call him at work to tell him your baby died.

Nobody tells you how much you’ll have wished the baby would have just come out on their own instead of you having to have a D&C.

Nobody tells you that you will cry in recovery and ask your doctor what they did with your baby.

Nobody tells you that you will never get your answer.

Nobody tells you about the large pieces of uterine lining that will fall out of your body in the days following.

Nobody tells you just how awful it is to see all of the pregnant moms in the waiting room at your post-op check up.

Nobody tells you that the world doesn’t stop just because your baby died.

Nobody tells you how quickly others move on from your loss.

Nobody tells you that some people that you thought would be there for you in your time of pain, won’t be.

Nobody tells you that you will obsess over every little thing you ate, drank, consumed, were exposed to, etc. while you were pregnant, trying to find an explanation for the loss.

Nobody tells you that although you know it’s not true, you will blame yourself for a very long time.

Nobody tells you that you will sink into a depression greater than you have ever known.

Nobody tells you that a part of your heart will always be broken and yearn for that baby.

Nobody tells you that you will constantly think about whom they would have been or what they would have looked like.

Nobody tells you that people will say things like, “It wasn’t meant to be,” or “It happened for a reason,” and you’ll secretly want to punch them.

Nobody tells you that you will feel guilty for being happy to get pregnant again after the loss.

Nobody tells you that it can happen to you again.

Nobody tells you that you will wake up one morning with uterine cramps and just know that your other baby is dying inside of you.

Nobody tells you that when you go to the bathroom in the early morning hours and wipe blood from yourself that you start to cry because you know it’s happening again.

Nobody knows that you will go back to bed and silently cry because you can’t go through this again.

Nobody tells you how long you will bleed in the days following.

Nobody tells you that each pad that you change is another layer of your soul being stripped away.

Nobody tells you about the intense pain you will be in not just mentally, but physically as well.

Nobody tells you that it will take you a long time to want to try again.

Nobody tells you about the strain the losses will put on your marriage.

Nobody tells you how scared you’ll be when you eventually do get pregnant again.

Nobody tells you that you will hold your breath at every appointment and anytime the baby doesn’t kick in a certain period of time.

Nobody tells you how genuinely surprised you will be to successfully enter your third trimester.

Nobody tells you that even when that new baby is born, you will still have a broken heart.

Nobody tells you that as much as you love your living children, a part of you will always want your others to be here on Earth too.

Nobody tells you that the pain never truly heals, but that time makes it a little softer.

Nobody tells you that some people will continue to be awkward when you bring up your babies in Heaven.

These are all things that I wish I had known before I had to walk the path of miscarriage. Something else I wish I had known was the amazing community of women that have also lost a baby to miscarriage or had a stillborn baby. Those women exist in all of our neighborhoods and online. They are like secret angels waiting on the outskirts of motherhood, to jump in and scoop up the next mom that has lost her baby into their arms. They are there to embrace them and comfort them. Then that mother becomes one of these angels herself. So when her best friend from childhood or her cousin is subjected to this awful pain, she is now the angel to swoop in and make that new momma feel safe, loved, and heard.

It’s a club I would never wish on any parent to join. But, it is a club that I’m now a part of and always will be. I will always advocate, educate and carry the mark of a mom to an angel baby. I am 1 in 4 and I want my voice to always be heard.

Britt LeBoeuf

Britt is a married mother of two from northern New York. She has an undergraduate degree in Human Services. When she's not chasing down her two young children, she writes for sites such as Her View From Home, Scary Mommy, Filter Free Parents and Sammiches and Psych Meds. Check out her first published book, "Promises of Pineford" on Amazon too. On her blog, These Boys of Mine, she talks about parenting only boys, special needs parenting, mental health advocacy, being a miscarriage survivor and life as a crazy cat lady. 

My Baby Was Stillborn, But Still Born

In: Child Loss, Grief
My Baby Was Stillborn, But Still Born www.herviewfromhome.com

My baby was stillborn, but still born. In a cool white hospital room where so many had been born before. My body trembled and shook as his body worked its way out of my womb and into the hands of a doctor. He was void of breath, of sound, of movement, but he was still born. My baby was stillborn, but still lived. In the darkness of my womb. The outline of his body was visible against the darkness of the screen, his presence undeniable. The sound of his heartbeat drowned out the sound of mine as I watched his...

Keep Reading

I Am Not My Child’s Death

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Faith, Grief
I Am Not My Child's Death www.herviewfromhome.com

We are NOT what has happened to us or what this world says we are. That is not what defines us. While we are grieving parents, that is not what our whole story has to be about. Although, at times, we feel that our story is over. We ask, how do we go on and live full lives without our sweet Sophie with us? I’m still not 100 percent sure I know the answer to that. BUT the Lord says I am beloved. I am redeemed and accepted. I am holy and chosen. I am righteous and complete. I am...

Keep Reading

The Hardest Moments After Losing a Child

In: Child Loss, Grief, Motherhood
The Hardest Moments After Losing a Child www.herviewfromhome.com

Within the first three months following the death of my newborn daughter, I participated in one baby shower, attended two first birthday parties, had multiple infants in and around my home, and watched not one, not two, but five of my closest friends take happy, healthy babies home from the hospital. And in the midst of my own life-altering experience, I purchased, wrapped, and mailed a gift to every one of those new babies, because they deserved one. In the days and months after my daughter died, I didn’t run away or hide from babies at all. And this seemed...

Keep Reading

6 Commitments I Made to Myself After Child Loss

In: Child Loss, Grief, Kids, Motherhood
6 Commitments I Made to Myself After Child Loss www.herviewfromhome.com

Following the death of our infant daughter, I found myself facing an opportunity to activate the immense power of personal choice. Time and time again. Hour after hour, day after day. It felt as if every moment that passed provided me with a choice: to let the grief consume me, or not. In the midst of the most emotionally complex experience of my life, my ability to survive felt as simple as that. Will grief consume me, or not? Once I began believing that Olivia had lived out her life’s plan completely—that she had come, she had loved, she had...

Keep Reading

To the Moms and Dads Who Suffer Loss: You Are Not Alone

In: Child Loss, Grief, Infertility, Motherhood
To the Moms and Dads Who Suffer Loss: You Are Not Alone www.herviewfromhome.com

You are walking the hardest path anyone will ever walk—living this life without your children. Your losses have come in many shapes and sizes. You’ve lost tiny heartbeats early in the womb. You’ve screamed and sobbed through labor to deliver a silent but perfect little bundle. You’ve held a fragile infant for hours, days, weeks, or months, only to give him back to Heaven. You’ve watched your little one grow into a curious toddler and then held her a final time as disease or an accident took her away. You’ve lived a full childhood with your baby and even watched...

Keep Reading

A Letter to My Mama, From Your Baby in Heaven

In: Child Loss, Faith, Grief, Miscarriage
A Letter to My Mama, From Your Baby in Heaven www.herviewfromhome.com

Dear Mama, I know you miss me and wish you could watch me grow up. But instead, you sit in that rocking chair, tears streaming down your face, arms wrapped around the blanket that was supposed to be mine. I see you crying, Mama, wishing you could hold me. Wishing you could look into my eyes. Wishing you could hear me cry or call you “Mama”. I want you to know Jesus rocks me to sleep every night and while He does it, He tells me all about you. I know tulips are your favorite flower and that every spring...

Keep Reading

God Actually Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle

In: Child Loss, Faith, Grief
God Actually Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle www.herviewfromhome.com

I used to be someone who said, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” That was before I had faced any hardships in my life. I didn’t know who God truly is. When people are going through something hard and decide to share it, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s hard to watch others who are hurting, and it’s hard not knowing how to help when it’s someone you love. “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” is a very well-meaning encouragement that I know is meant in love. I’ve said it before! But it’s not really...

Keep Reading

Why I Got a Tattoo With My Teenage Daughters

In: Child Loss, Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Why I Got a Tattoo With My Teenage Daughters www.herviewfromhome.com

“We should get a tattoo, Mom.” I laughed. I knew it was just my younger daughter, Sarah’s way of getting herself a tattoo—to go along with her nose ring, and six ear piercings. She didn’t really want me to get one. Did she? “Truth!” My oldest, more conservative daughter, Elle, chimed in. “We should all go.” What? Home from college just five minutes, maybe she was bored. I heard tattoos really hurt and she hates pain, like I do. I glared at my two daughters, now 17 and 19. They can read my mind. I knew it! There was something...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes

In: Cancer, Child, Child Loss, Health
To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes www.herviewfromhome.com

Most people never get to meet their heroes. I have, in fact—I have met many heroes. These heroes didn’t set out for greatness; they fell victim to a terrible disease and faced it with courage, might and bravery like I have never seen before. And when we talk about this type of battle, there is no such thing as losing. whether the battle ended in death, life, or debility, each of these heroes defeated. My heroes are the innocent children who battle cancer. I high-fived, hugged, wept over, laughed and played with my heroes for 10 years as a nurse. And you better believe I...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime