To the Person Who Called My Wedding Pictures "Disgusting"

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Not long after my wedding, I decided that I was going to post all of my photos because my good friend, Kelly Brinkman, had done such a beautiful job taking them. As I’m posting my wedding photos on Facebook I see that I have a comment from a person I don’t know and have never heard from.

The second I opened the picture, I saw it and my heart dropped. The comment was short, but said all it needed to…

“disgusting”

They were referring to my husband’s and my interracial relationship, now marriage. I can’t lie, I have a tough skin most of the time and I don’t let many things get to me, but this comment cut me to the core.

And then another one came, on the picture of my husband, me and our daughter: “how does it feel to have a kid that looks nothing like you?”

I didn’t even know this person, why were they being so hateful? I am not naïve enough to think that everyone is open to all every kind of love and lifestyles, and I respect their freedom to have their own opinion, but this person sought me out just to let me know that they thought my relationship along with our child was a disgrace to them.

Thinking in the moment, like I normally do, I messaged this person asking if they had a specific problem and if they’d like to discuss it with me, and they, unsurprisingly, read it and never responded.

My husband, completely unfazed by this, said not to let this bother me. This person was hateful and didn’t deserve to get the better of me, but, at that moment, they did.

This is not the first time we had experienced this. Ugly looks at the store or restaurants, the tisks under their breath as my daughter reaches for me and calls me Mommy, the blatant disgust on the faces of some people as my husband gives me a kiss on the cheek.

It was something that I had to get used to, and I’m sad to say that this feeling that comes along with it is like nothing anyone can feel without experiencing it for themselves. It is something that nobody should ever have to feel. It is something I know we will have to get used to, and I hate that.

To this person who decided to comment this on our wedding photos, this piece of writing is not about you, it is about the group of people that you represent.

A group of people so rooted in their own hate for themselves that they have to purposely seek out others in order to bring them down. What happened in your life that was so horrific that you feel the need to splash hate onto the people who haven’t done a thing to you?

I’m not sorry my photos disturbed you, in fact, I will continue to post pictures of my family. I’m not sorry to be writing this, because I think that this is a topic many people today are afraid to confront. It’s not OK for someone to act like this; this person probably has children and hate is a learned behavior. Racism is a learned behavior. I’m sorry for your children that will learn this behavior from you and carry it further into our world to hurt people who deserve love. I’m sorry to anyone else you might have cut deep with your meaningless and despicable words.

To finally answer this person’s question, it is an amazing feeling to look at my beautiful daughter and see her father in her. I see myself in her because my husband is the best part of me. It feels wonderful.

I am so proud of my husband, he is 100 times the man than any other man I know is, and he has shown me the true meaning of love, acceptance, and happiness. I am beyond blessed to have him as my husband, and even more blessed to have him as my daughter’s father. As for my daughter, I am proud to call her mine. In addition to the color of his beautiful skin, she has her father’s amazingly good heart—Lord knows I’m not that good—and she has his silly sense of humor, the same one that made me fall head over heels in love with him. I often look at my husband and daughter and wonder what I did to deserve such a beautiful gift.

I am proud of my family. I will never be shamed or silenced into hiding something I believe to be absolutely beautiful.

When the day comes that I have to sit my daughter down and explain this hate in the world, I will not be sad. Instead, I will tell her to treat these people as students. They need to be shown and taught how beautiful all people can be.

Normally, I don’t like to bring something so serious to my writing, but it is necessary in times like this. Times where people are dying and being persecuted because of how they live and how they look. I never intended to offend anyone, only to clear the air about how I feel. I hope that by writing this, there will be people, couples, families who understand that they are not alone. All love is beautiful. Don’t ever let anyone shame you about who you are or who you love.

It’s terrifying, how ugly this world can be, how mean-hearted the people in this world can be, but I know that the good in this world will win because, in the end, love always wins.

Originally published on the author’s blog

Alyssa Grace Wheatley

I am a Southern stay at home Momma/ Grad student studying English Lit who decided to quit my job as a high school English teacher and stay at home with my (then) almost 2-year-old. Although I tend to get caught up in chasing my daughter around the house begging her to put some clothes on, stocking up on red wine, and writing my thesis, I began my own blog. I have a strong passion for life, frowned upon words and phrases, writing, food, wine, and the occasional anxiety pill.

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