Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

To work or not to work after baby? Some moms have no choice because of finances. Lucky moms can make life work either way and so they have that difficult decision to make. Here’s what this three-time back-to-work mother has figured out.

Naked truth #1: No one can tell you what’s right for you.
It’s trite because it’s true. Don’t let your husband, your mother-in-law, or your friends make you do something that doesn’t feel right to you. Everybody will have an opinion. Seriously. Don’t let them in your head. You are the one that actually has to be with the kids every day, all day. Or missing them terribly. You are the one commuting everyday and balancing a busy life. You have to live with the decision and be a cheerful member of your own family. Only you know what you can handle and will enjoy. Give your family and friends room to help and encourage you, but don’t give them the power to make the decision for you.

Naked truth #2: You must find a childcare solution in which you have complete confidence.
Before I went back to work, I met two nannies, toured twenty daycares, and called six references. I explored every option and did my homework. When it was time to pick, I absolutely knew that daycare was the right choice for my family. I dropped off my son on the first day and never worried about him. I was completely at ease with the owner, the teachers, and the social and cognitive skills he was learning in their program. I went to work with a clear mind, ready to do a good job. That made all the difference. If you’ve got an unreliable situation or a nagging feeling then you won’t be able to work and it will dampen your enjoyment and your energy. Keep looking until you’ve found that full confidence or you won’t last long.

Naked truth #3: Get used to juggling.
Oh no! The kids have a fever. The nanny is sick. You have an early meeting downtown. Your son needs a change of underwear at the school. There’s an infinite number of wrenches that can be thrown in to wreck your normally balanced routine.

When you work, your daughter will most certainly throw up the morning of your big presentation. You need a backup and a backup for the backup. You must summon the patience to figure out the day quickly. Some days I’m dropping off while taking conferences calls as my husband picks up early and goes to tee ball. It can be comical how all the kids are ultimately accounted for and home at the end of the day.

It can be done, I promise. You just have to be up to the challenge of figuring it out.

Naked truth #4: It gets harder, not easier, when the kids go to school.
My sons all started daycare at three months. I took maternity leave and worked when I felt both of us were ready. It was easy back then and I didn’t know it. Sure, I missed the first time they said “chicken” but I heard it at pick-up later. No big deal.

It gets brutally hard when they start school. School holidays, snow days, summer days all have to be covered. There are parent-teacher conferences, volunteers needed at the field trip, school ceremonies, and fundraising. Sure, you don’t have to go, but you want to. You didn’t know many moms back in daycare but now there’s a huge, super involved schoolmom society. They know the teacher well. They send pictures from the class party. They know everything about next week’s field day. You start to feel the distance. There’s a twinge in your heart.

You want to sign up your son for afterschool activities and sports but someone has to take him and be there at 5 o’clock for the game. The guilt starts. The juggling increases.

Now your baby is a real kid with problems he’s working out. You want to be more available for that and to help with the homework. Before your baby needed food, love, and a diaper change and it didn’t matter who did it. Now your daughter is telling you about the bossy girls at the lunch table and she needs your guidance and emotional support more than anything. Who can do that better than you?

Don’t count on putting off work for certain when they go to school. If you’re going to work, do it when they are little. The older they get, the more stuff they have going on.

Naked truth #5: Pit bull enforcement of boundaries is key.
Work will take as much as you allow, mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you’re not careful you’ll use all your energy during the day and have nothing left to give for your amazing family. It’s not enough to physically be home. You need enough energy for patience, kindness, and emotional support for your kids (and husband). Don’t give all you have to work.

There will always be meetings and drinks and business trips that will carve into your family time. Sometimes those will propel your career. Practice strict boundaries even when it really hurts. You’ll forgive your career regrets but your family regrets will haunt you forever.

Figure out what you’re willing to give to work and don’t allow any more. For me, it’s 40 hours and two days a week in the office. When I’m working I give my full attention and best effort, but I don’t accept meetings or agree to projects I know overstep my boundaries. This is a lesson I learned the hard way when I finally realized I was worn out and an impatient crankypants.

Yes, it’s completely possible to work and be a mom. I do it and I’m happy! There will certainly be difficult days where you’re barely balancing the schedule or you’re missing something you wish you weren’t. The important thing is that you’re prepared and you know what you’re getting into. Cheers to you, whatever you do!

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Christi Terjesen

Christi Terjesen is the mother of three lively boys in New York. She keeps her sanity through daily walks, expensive wine, and good books. Check out her blog, Mental Stimulation for Moms at christiterjesen.com, and her playground blog, longislandplaygrounds.com.

Sharing Our Grief Frees Our Hearts

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Two women holding hands over a hospital bed, color photo

Almost 18 years ago, we lost our first child. It was unexpected. It was public. It was traumatic. It was a moment in time that even to this day, burns with a scorching flame, running like a reel in my memory and igniting a pain deeper than anything I’ve ever known into the empty corners of my heart. And while time has marched on in beautiful ways—healthy children who I get to watch grow up, an incredible marriage with the love of my life, a gratitude for all the milestones each year brings—I still can’t help but hold space for the...

Keep Reading

There’s Still Magic in These Tween Years

In: Motherhood, Tween
Tween girl walking into ocean waves

The water shimmers atop the electric-blue pool. The clock blinks 94 degrees. It is July 10th weather showing off. A friend asked me to watch her son. He is nine, like my son, and the two of them get along—swimmingly. They throw towels askew and fast-step-crash into the water, goggles on, challenging each other to do this and that. Nine-year-old boys, so alive. My 11-year-old daughter and I stand and squint, placing towels neatly on our beach chairs.  She looks from face to face, like assembly line quality control. A friend—her eyes ask . . . now plead—any friend.  I...

Keep Reading

God Had Different Plans

In: Faith, Motherhood
Silhouette of family swinging child between two parents

As I sip my twice-reheated coffee holding one baby and watching another run laps around the messy living room, I catch bits and pieces of the Good Morning America news broadcast. My mind drifts off for a second to the dreams I once had of being the one on the screen. Live from New York City with hair and makeup fixed before 6 a.m. I really believed that would be me. I just knew I’d be the one telling the mama with unwashed hair and tired eyes about the world events that happened overnight while she rocked babies and pumped milk....

Keep Reading

My Baby Had Laryngomalacia

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding baby on her shoulder

Life’s funny, isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got the whole motherhood thing figured out, the universe throws a curveball. And, oh boy, did it throw me one with my second baby. There I was, feeling like a seasoned mom with my firstborn—a healthy, vivacious toddler who was 16 months old. Our breastfeeding journey had its hiccups, an early tongue-tie diagnosis that did little to deter our bond. Fourteen months of nurturing, nighttime cuddles, and feeling powerful, like my body was doing exactly what it was meant to do. Enter my second baby. A fresh chapter, a new story....

Keep Reading

Please Stop Comparing Kids

In: Motherhood
Mom and kids in sunlight

Let me begin with this important message: Please refrain from comparing children, especially when it pertains to their growth and development. If you happen to notice differences in a child’s height, weight, or appetite compared to another, that’s perfectly fine. Your observations are appreciated. However, I kindly request that you avoid openly discussing these comparisons as such conversations can inadvertently distress a parent who may already be grappling with concerns about their child’s growth trajectory. Trust me, I say this from personal experience. Recently, at a dinner gathering, a couple casually remarked that someone’s 1-year-old child appeared larger both in...

Keep Reading

This Will Not Last Forever

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman looking at sunset

“This will not last forever,” I wrote those words on the unfinished walls above my daughter’s changing table. For some reason, it got very tiring to change her diapers. Nearly three years later, the words are still there though the changing table no longer is under them. While my house is still unfinished so I occasionally see those words, that stage of changing diapers for her has moved on. She did grow up, and I got a break. Now I do it for her baby brother. I have been reminding myself of the seasons of life again. Everything comes and...

Keep Reading

You Made Me Love Christmas

In: Motherhood
Family in pajamas near Christmas tree, color photo

Hi kids, this is a thank you note of sorts . . . I’m about to tell you something strange. Something you may not “get” yet, but I hope you do eventually. I used to dread Christmas. I know, isn’t that weird? Most kids and a lot of adults have countdowns and decorations and music, but I had a countdown in my mind of when it would be over. To me, it wasn’t a happy time. From the age of about eight (right about where you all are now) Christmas, for me, became like a job of sorts. Long before...

Keep Reading

She is an Anonymom

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother standing at sink holding a baby on her hip

She stands alone in the church kitchen, frantically scrubbing pots and pans while the grieving huddle around the fellowship hall, and she slips out the back door before anyone comes in. She is an anonymom. She gets out of her car and picks up the trash thrown into the ditch alongside the country road. She is an anonymom. She sits on the park bench, watching her children play. In the meantime, she continually scans the whole playground, keeping track of everyone’s littles, because that is what moms do. She is an anonymom. RELATED: Can We Restore “the Village” Our Parents...

Keep Reading

I Come Alive at Christmas

In: Motherhood
Kitchen decorated for Christmas

It’s time again. Time for the lights and the trees and candy canes and tiny porcelain village homes. It’s time to shake off all that this year has thrown at me and come alive again. My favorite time of year is here and it’s time to make some magic. My mom started the magic of Christmas for me when I was little, and I was infatuated with the joy that it brought to so many people. Loved ones come together and everything sparkles and people who don’t normally come to church are willing to join us in the pews. Everything...

Keep Reading

Brothers Fight Hard and Love Harder

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two boys play outside, one lifting the other on his back

The last few years have been a whirlwind. My head has sometimes been left spinning; we have moved continents with three boys, three and under at the time. Set up home and remained sufficiently organized despite the complete chaos to ensure everyone was where they were meant to be on most days. Living in a primarily hockey town, the winters are filled with coffee catch-ups at the arena, so it was no surprise when my youngest declared his intention to play hockey like his school friends. Fully aware that he had never held a hockey stick or slapped a puck,...

Keep Reading