Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them…

It is so easy to be scared. I remember thinking back to when I lost my son Tyler. Wondering what death was like? What was he thinking on the drive home? I’m sure they were listening to music, laughing, and having fun as teenage boys do. But then my mind wondered did he feel pain or did he know it was his time to go when he left the house that night? Or most of all was he scared because I was not there.

As a parent we are always there to help, comfort, and console our children when something bad or scary happens. But I was not there with him when the accident happened. I was only there to see him laying lifeless in my husband’s arms. I could not pick up the pieces and put them back together. The only thing at that moment I remember thinking was that he was safe…he was with God. He no longer felt the pain if there was any, he was no longer scared and that he would be able to continue being the happy, fun, positive, blue eyed boy that I remember leaving the house that night.

It is amazing how God works. He placed things in our path that we don’t even realize, but when we look back it was there the whole time. As I mentioned my biggest worry was that Tyler was scared that I was not there with him. But little did I know that God would put a friend’s son back in our life in May of that year. He was the messenger that God sent me.

Just a few days after the accident when we were gone making plans for the funeral, our friend’s son stopped and dropped off a note for me. On that piece of paper was the answer to my question: Was Tyler scared? He told me that when a good person is in their last moments of their life they replay a movie of all the people in their life that they love and care about. If you have a lot of people around you that love you, then your movie will last a lot longer in your last moments. He went on to say that every time Tyler was happy or laughed, he made that bad day better.

It hits all during the last moments of your life which remind you your life was all worth living.

I believe God wanted me to know that Tyler was not scared and that all his loved ones were there with him at his last moments. …for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31: 6

I would like to think he was happy, laughing and having fun as God took him home. The reason I say that is because God reminded me as we looked at Tyler’s confirmation verse,

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

No, Tyler was not alone. God was with him the whole time. So there is no doubt in my mind that Tyler was not sad or scared, but happy, strong and courageous. God promises so many things. We just fail to be in the moment to see them. Just like me I never even thought twice about the confirmation verse he was given until it was too late.

Missy Hillmer

Kiley Hillner lives in Texas with her husband and two beautiful daughters. She works full time and recently graduated with her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is loving life and embracing the chaotic beauty of motherhood. You can find more of her thoughts on this parenting gig on her blog and on Facebook.