We were young when we met. Barely 18 and ready to grow up. We moved into together right away and although we had our issues, we stuck it out. Through in-laws, and friends, and arguments we put our relationship first. We lived with family and saved money and paid off debts. We had never been lovey but we got along and figured that was more important. The story of us started like so many others.
By the time we were 20, we moved to our own place and decided to get married. We got our first dog, and grew up a little more. We made friends and lost friends but we had each other. We got adult jobs and he was out of town – a lot. I was lonely and we didn’t know we were growing apart. But as we planned our wedding, we started to not put us first. We started to care more about ourselves and less about each other. If you would have asked us, we would have denied it and dismissed the thought.
By our early 20’s we were married and owned our first house. I lost my big girl job and I was at home on unemployment. I looked for new jobs and wished I wasn’t alone. He was still going out of town a lot and we were not talking the way we should. We both thought the hard part was over. We thought that just being around each other was enough. I felt detached from the world and he wanted to be detached. I wanted more friends and to go out. He wanted to spend time doing the things he missed while he was out of town. As our marriage and life started to grow we moved further apart. We still didn’t know it – we were playing house.
By our mid 20’s we were separated. Our world was cracked down the middle. We decided to call it quits, and I moved out. We both dated other people and we thought we knew it all. We lived apart and lived our own lives around ideals we didn’t know we had. He ignored me and acted as though he could care less. I hope and prayed every day that we would get back together. Our paths would cross and it was like taking to a stranger. I did not give up. As time passed his heart was cold. But for some reason or another our relationship never ended in divorce. We learned a lot from our other relationships, but that’s for another post, this is the story of us.
Our separation taught me who I was, what I wanted, and who I didn’t want to be. I found myself and God. Through everything I leaned on Him. For two long years I prayed and prayed that his heart would open and he would give us a chance. I swore I would do things right this time and not take us for granted. Everyone told me to move on, to forget him. They said he was never going to forgive me and that I was silly to think otherwise.
Then One day it happened.
We started over. The next year was hell. No trust, disagreements, and hurt that we didn’t deal with. We almost lost us again. But we were meant for more. Somehow our hurts healed. We learned to trust each other again. We turned our disagreements into discussions. Slowly but surely we were on the road to recovery.
By our late 20’s we were going to be parents. All of our love bundled up into one person. I never gave up, and God never gave up on me. I thought I was praying for God to open up his heart but I was wrong. God was working on my heart. He took away my pain and loneliness and filled it with love and kindness. He knew that I would be fine with or without my husband, but he also didn’t let me give up. I decided to trust in Him, and not give in or give up.
This is the first time I am openly talking about It. I felt shame because I knew others would judge. I didn’t want to admit to my mistakes. I didn’t want others to know our personal business. But just like God healed my heart and opened his heart he opened my eyes. I shouldn’t feel shame that we overcame a separation. We have changed and grown so much that why shouldn’t we help others with our story. You see the story of us isn’t just about us. A marriage is about everyone in your life. Our story could be your story, or someone you know. Don’t judge others harshly and remember to live in grace. Living our life in truth and not in fear or shame has become our story.