So God Made a Teacher Collection (Sale!) ➔

Disclaimer: I have two children, one of them is still a baby some would say, as he isn’t yet two. I know, two kids already? Girl, please. Yep, I get the annoyance, but hear me out.

Baby fever can be a sickness.

It can be a terribly stressful and burdensome addition to any life. Even a mother of two. Baby fever can strike anyone in any stage. I have witnessed several friends unable to conceive that either have or don’t have children who have been struck by this (sometimes) awful feeling and truly I know how they feel.

I always wanted to have seven or eight kids. No joke, I admired that big family on 16 (or was it 17) and counting. I thought the bigger the family, the better and I figured our family would continue to grow sooner than later. But then I got this crap of a diagnosis, the hell-bent destroyer of fertility: endometriosis. I wasn’t even all that worried at first. It was painful and it was uncomfortable but in the beginning, I didn’t understand the toll it was taking on my body. It wasn’t until I lost my right ovary to the nasty little disease that I first started to radiate with intense baby fever.

I’m sure for some, baby fever is nothing more than a cute saying or description. A “Oh my, she has baby fever, she’s always trying to hold somebody’s baby.” Or “They just got married, I bet she’ll have baby fever before the year is up” kind of thing. However, there are women out there that know wanting a baby and experiencing the difficulties in conceiving can be straight up maddening. Getting your monthly visit from Aunt Flo is never any fun, but when you’ve been taking vitamins, checking apps, and doing the deed every couple of minutes, getting your regular period becomes devastating. It’s a monthly reminder that there might be a kink in the system and your dreams of pregnancy and (more) babies are another month away.

My frustrations started a few months after my second surgery (within a three-month period!) due to endometriosis. I had to have my ovary removed because it was damaged but I was assured by my doctor and countless hours of online research that my remaining ovary would take over the job without pause. As soon as the doctor gave me the all clear I was on a mission to baby number 3. As months began to pass I started to question my usual speedy ability to get pregnant. I swear I was pregnant within a month of even considering a child the first time around, and within two months the second time around.

This time was different.

I started to sweat. My prayers changed from an air of gratitude into focused pleadings for another child. I was slowly losing my mind. Every month I was sure I was pregnant. I was nauseous. I was tired. I was moody. And drum roll . . . I was not with child. And it sucked. Pregnancy tests seemed to mock my stupidity. I was stuck in a cycle of trying to get pregnant for two weeks, hoping I was pregnant for two weeks, ending in an always shockingly negative test followed by my period, with a deeper and deeper sense of the blues overlapping it all.

Then something changed. I got sick of myself and I finally opened my eyes and started trying to accept the fact that I may never become pregnant again (sob), I may never breastfeed again (sob), I might have to get rid of all this baby stuff I was saving for my football team of children (snotty nose sob). As I begin to stare down the tunnel of possibly needing a hysterectomy at 34 (yes, things are getting that bad) I have made some changes that might help someone else out there suffering from this feeling of emptiness or brokenness that I would like to share.

1. Give it some time

Even my doctor says it takes a little while after the kinds of surgery I’ve had to get things rolling properly and I’m also older and not as fertile myrtle as I used to be. People not suffering from some sort of disease and otherwise healthy should know that most fertility clinics ask that you have been trying for a full year of properly timed “baby-making” before seeking help. Some people get pregnant as soon as they have the thought, others must try a bit harder or longer.

2. Stop trying for a while

Crazy enough that’s how most people that struggle with getting pregnant end up with a bun in the oven. They stopped trying so hard. When sex becomes a job and folks are on the clock, it loses its luster. The best start for a new life has got to be one from a true “love-making” session. Give the creams, the pills, the ovulation apps, thermometers, pee sticks, and all of it a rest and just be. I swear I wasn’t even trying when I got pregnant with my first, I was just head over heels in love with my husband. (Still am!)

3. Talk to someone who can help

Other people might need to speak to a doctor or a fertility specialist. I needed to call on God. I need a healing that can only come from above. Not only does my body physically need healing, my mind and heart do as well. As soon as I looked upward instead of inward, I FINALLY realized everything I already have to be grateful for, and I am slowly (still working on it) finding peace in God’s plan for our family whatever that may be. After all, the plan I want to be on is God’s, not my own.

I vividly remember shortly after I had my youngest, a friend of mine came over. She had two kids of her own, her youngest was only a year older than mine. But she teared up holding my brand-new baby. She told me how much she craved that feeling of pregnancy and a newborn. She shared with me that she had used IVF with some of her frozen eggs to have both of their children due to her husband having some serious medical conditions and they just could not afford to do it again.

At the time, I couldn’t understand how she could feel so strongly about babies. She had babies! Two beautiful babies. But now I know that feeling. It’s an ache that for some women never really ends. Life will always have its sufferings, some small and some grand, I am just so thankful that when I do get a little down about this subject, God gave me two little rascals that pause every now and then to let me hold them and smell them and look at them and cherish all those special mom and baby moments from the past.

If you are suffering in the midst of baby fever talk to somebody, talk to God, talk to a friend, talk to your mom, or a doctor. It is legitimate, it does hurt, you don’t have to go through it alone. And you aren’t broken! Special orders always take a little longer to prepare. Trust that God has your order and according to His plan, it’s coming in one way or another.

Kim Derrick

Kimberlie Derrick, the creator ofhttp://justahotmess.com/ is freelance writer living on the east coast. She is happily married with two young sons and praying for more! She received degrees in Psychology, Anthropology, and African American Studies from the University of Houston and spent time studying abroad in West Africa. She is currently working on her first series of children's books about a quirky kid named Quincy.

I Love Having a Friend With a New Baby

In: Baby, Friendship, Motherhood
Woman snuggling newborn baby

To my sweet friend with a newborn, Thank you. This stage you’re in is the sweetest, most innocent, and challenging time. The exhaustion and love are overwhelming I know—I feel like I was just there yesterday with my own kids. Only, it wasn’t yesterday. Even though I can close my eyes and remember those precious moments with my own newborns, it feels so far in the past. I love the age my kids are now, but I’m telling you, there’s something magical about those first few weeks of life. When your baby scrunches their body into a ball when you...

Keep Reading

Trying To Conceive Almost Ruined Our Marriage

In: Baby, Marriage, Motherhood
Man and woman back to back on bed

“I know it’s not true, but I feel like you don’t love me anymore.” My husband’s words caused me to freeze in my tracks. I had been on my way out the door, but as soon as those words were uttered, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. The words hung in the air, and I held my breath, mind racing. What could I possibly say to that? I slowly turned around, silently waiting for my husband to continue. Which he did. “I feel like you don’t want to have sex with me anymore.” I cringed internally. Clearly, I wasn’t the...

Keep Reading

Donating Breastmilk Helped My Heart Heal

In: Baby, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman with packaged breastmilk, color photo

Dear grieving mama, You know when you lose a baby everything changes, but your body moves forward like nothing happened. It carried that tiny baby long enough to trigger a complicated hormonal cocktail that causes your milk to come in so that little life can continue to grow outside you. But your baby is separated from you in a way nature never intended. There will be no baby snuggles. There won’t be a sleepy, smiley, milk-drunk face looking up at you. But your body doesn’t know that, so your breasts swell and keep swelling with milk that has nowhere to...

Keep Reading

Colic Can Make a Good Mom Feel Like a Failure

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding crying baby

“Let me try.” A stranger. A complete stranger. I allowed a stranger to hold you. It has been weeks, and you’re still crying every evening around the same time for the same amount of time. The doctor told me it’s just colic and that it’ll pass, but his nonchalant reaction is in utter opposition to how I feel, to how you obviously feel. Colic is devastating. And no matter how many times people tell you the baby is OK . . . when you watch your baby cry that much, you know they can’t be. I tried to take you...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Will Challenge Every Inch of You—but You Are Strong

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mom holding new baby

Dear momma, Although it may not feel like it now, you will become stronger each and every day. Your feelings of hopelessness and sadness will be a distant memory. I promise you will get better, and you will be happy again. It is OK that you don’t know anything, your baby will forgive you. Your feelings of guilt have no merit. You will question everything. Keep asking those questions but trust your gut too. It will lead you in the right direction.  You are doing enough. You are enough.  RELATED: Dear Mom, Your Best Is Enough Do not wish the...

Keep Reading

Going from One to Two Kids Was So Much Harder than I Expected

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Family of four

I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  And boy, DID. I. NOT. KNOW.  But, I really thought I did!  I really thought that waiting until our daughter was three before adding another child would make the transition easy. She will be more independent then, I reasoned. Also, fully potty-trained (HA!), enrolled in school, and interested in some things besides just Mommy. Plus, I’ve done this newborn thing before! How hard could it be? Bless that naive spirit. Because those optimistic expectations sure didn’t match my reality. I was firmly set on breastfeeding. So after our second baby came home, the nightly wakings...

Keep Reading

Just Wait Until You Realize Every Hard Moment Is Worth It

In: Baby, Motherhood
Woman kissing baby

Every new parent has heard it before—all those “just wait until . . .” comments. Just wait until you have to wake up every two hours, then you’ll really know what it means to be tired.  Just wait until your baby cries like mad, then you’ll really know what patience is.  You just wait until you find out what it truly means to be busy, then you’ll laugh at what you used to think of as busy days.  But you know what I say? Yes, the newborn stage can be difficult, but oh, how those precious moments wipe the difficultness away.  See,...

Keep Reading

I Would Relive Every Moment of Sorrow Just To Hold You

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding infant, black-and-white photo

As I sat there rocking my child to sleep, I caught my mind wandering to the past. Not my recent past but my before . . . Before my son was born. Before my stressful pregnancy. Before my positive pregnancy test. Before . . . when I was praying every day for a miracle—six years back. Infertility is a messy journey that few (and many at the same time) are chosen to take. It’s lonely and heartbreaking and dark and will make you hate yourself at times. You feel helplessness and anger and despair. RELATED: This is Infertility Your relationships...

Keep Reading

When a Rainbow Baby Meets Mama

In: Baby, Loss, Motherhood
newborn baby on mother's chest

This week, one year ago, was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Fast forward to exactly one year later, and here I am cuddling you, my sweet boy. I never truly understood what “rainbow baby” was all about, but I get it now. Sure, I knew what it meant and what it represented. I had read the articles and heard the stories. I had seen the meaningful images and understood the definition. But I never truly and deeply knew what happens when a rainbow baby meets their mama . . . until you. When a rainbow baby...

Keep Reading

How Do You Know it’s Really the Last Baby?

In: Baby, Motherhood
Selfie of pregnant woman standing next to child, color photo

I love being pregnant. I love everything about it. I am, however, one of the lucky ones who has been blessed with stress-free pregnancies. I get the typical morning sickness in the first trimester and the utter exhaustion in the third trimester, but other than that, it’s just pure enjoyment. I know not everyone has that experience, some have horrific pregnancies, but for me they have all been relatively easy. Trust me, I do know how fortunate I am. I’m currently pregnant with my fourth child. The little man is due this summer. From the very beginning when I first...

Keep Reading

Get our FREE phone wallpaper to encourage you as the new school year begins

It's bittersweet for a mother to watch her child grow—but you both are ready to soar.

Mother Holding Baby

5 Secrets

for New Moms

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Encouragement for the newborn stage