Who Am I Really Disappointing?

I’ve been dropping the ball a little bit lately. Actually, “a lot” would be more accurate.

Between Christmas preparations (usually one of my favorite things, by the way), not feeling well for the past few weeks, and other fun end-of-the-year stresses (health insurance, anyone?), I haven’t been the mom/wife/homemaker I’d like to be.

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t keep a perfectly clean house. I do have two little wild boys, after all. However, I actually kind of enjoy cleaning, so I’d say our house is usually in the neighborhood of “if you pop in unexpectedly, I won’t be embarrassed to let you in.”

Right now, though? Please don’t pop in unexpectedly. My sink is full of dishes, and I can’t seem to keep it empty for long. Laundry can be found in folded and unfolded piles throughout the house on certain days, and the toy room…let’s just say, it’s like walking through a minefield made up of little tractors and blocks.

I’m not just falling short at housekeeping, either. I haven’t cooked anything really, really good for awhile. I’m behind on my Bible study, my normally cloth diapered toddler has been wearing disposables, and these weeks leading up to Christmas haven’t been as eventful as I usually make them.

Oh, and the darn elf…if I remember to move him before I go to bed, it’s a miracle. The only remotely creative thing he’s done is dye the milk green. Which kind of doesn’t count because he also did it last year.

To say the least, I’ve been feeling like a disappointment lately. But to who? This morning, I stopped and actually thought about it. I looked at my kids, playing happily and watching Elmo’s Christmas countdown for the umpteenth time. They don’t judge me by the unwashed dishes or unfolded laundry. All they want is to play and spend time with a mom who loves them.

So if not my kids, maybe my husband? I know he appreciates a clean house and good meal, especially after working all day. But I also know he’s understanding and gives me grace when I fall short. Plus, he’s probably relieved to not be involved in too much Christmas hoopla.

So, that leaves…me. The only person I’m disappointing is myself. Isn’t it so easy to put pressure on ourselves as moms, especially during this time of the year? We want to plan the perfect holiday activities and get the perfect Christmas card picture and bake perfect cookies all while keeping our homes spotless and nicely decorated. But most of time, it just doesn’t happen because life happens instead. 

With less than ten days left until Christmas, I am going to start giving myself grace too. We don’t have to do every fun thing I hear about or dream up. All that stuff is exciting and neat, but it’s not really what Christmas is about anyway. As for the housework, it will get done eventually. Rather than beating myself up for cuddling with my kids instead of doing dishes, I’m going to cut myself some slack and just enjoy being with my loved ones during this most wonderful time of the year.