Grief Kids Motherhood

An Open Letter to My Husband’s Mistress

An Open Letter to My Husband's Mistress
Written by Kathryn Ryder

I had planned on sending you an anniversary card this year.  As in “Happy I-Just-Found-Out-My-Whole-Life-Is-A-Lie-And-My-Husband-Has-Been-Sleeping-With-You” anniversary card.  I had actually already bought it.  It was waiting in the wings, so that I could send it on just the right day.  I wanted to make sure that the exact day that I found out about you, you couldn’t stop thinking about me.  

My marriage was ripped wide open a year ago, and I didn’t ever want you to forget your role in that.  I had a brand new baby at the time.  A sweet precious boy to love on, and all I could think about was you.  What you did with my husband, to my husband, what he did to you.  How you had hurt me, my babies; how you had hurt your family, your own husband.

I spent the majority of the last year shuffling between creative ways to make you pay, and trying to completely forget that you existed.  No punishment has ever felt thorough enough, and no matter how hard I try, the memory of your face pops into my mind.  How could I ever forget the woman who had shaken my hand, cooed at my babies, and then used those same hands, that same mouth on my husband.  

How could I forget you?  The woman who had taken away my marriage?


Today my mind wandered to you, again.  

And I was immediately exhausted.  

I feel the constant pressure of your existence on my bones, your breath steals my own.  My desire to watch you suffer chokes my heart, and my plans to make you sure you can never forget me control my thoughts.  

And then, I just couldn’t any more.

I don’t know what your future holds.  But today, I have decided it’s not going to hold me.  I am letting you go today, not because you deserve it, but because I do.  I’m so tired of you, so I forgive you, I release you, I shelve you.

I will not wish you luck, but I do not wish you harm.  I simply pray that the thought of you will leave my mind.

You’ve had my husband.

Today I am taking back my heart.

About the author

Kathryn Ryder

Hello! I’m Katie, I was born and raised in the Midwest and I’m still trying to learn to love the winters. I’m a tried and true boy mom, with four little men, ages 5, 3, 3, and 1. Since 2010, I have had 4 months when I was not pregnant, or nursing, or both. I’m having to actively search out myself again, and learn how to nurture my soul. I am a wannabe runner. I am an accidental writer, an experimental cook, and I’m learning to be a truth teller. I survive on a whole lot of coffee, friendship, little boy bear hugs and sloppy kisses, and about three hours of sleep a night.

1 Comment

  • Hi Kathryn! I work for,
    a Christian parenting site from Outreach, Inc., and this post knocked the breath out of me! I can only imagine what you’ve gone through, but even though I haven’t experienced the same thing, I have been hurt by others who still hold my heart hostage. Your words are not just breathtaking but also wise. Thank you for sharing them with us here.

    I would love to share this post with our readers, to re-publish it on For Every Mom – with full credit to you as
    author if you will give permission. We’ll use a head shot and bio of you
    as well as link back to the original post (and
    social links for your bio, too!). Let me know what you think and if you
    have any questions for me.

    Have a good day!

    Mary Carver

    Editorial Assistant

    Consumer Sites, Outreach, Inc.

    [email protected]