Journal Relationships

Yes, I’m Proud To Serve My Husband

Yes, I'm Proud To Serve My Husband www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Leslie Means

Wow.  My younger self would have never written those words.

“Yes, I’m proud to serve my husband.”

I was the girl who grew up in a home with two loving parents who rarely argued (at least not in front of the kids).  We went to church every Sunday morning.  We were taught Christian values. 

We were also taught to stick up for ourselves.  And how to work hard.  And how to not let people walk all over us. 

I’m the youngest of 4 girls.  My mother always worked outside of the home.  It was the only thing I knew and I was certain my sisters and I would do that too. 

So why then, am I OK with this whole “service” thing.  Isn’t that completely opposite of what a strong woman is supposed to represent? 

Pull up a chair, let’s chat a bit.

In 2004 when I married my husband, I was set on making my identity my own.  Sure, I loved this man with every ounce of my being, but I was also a strong independent woman. 

Or so I claimed.

I didn’t need a man in my life, I just happened to fall in love.  And this guy was pretty great.  On our wedding day I asked the pastor to announce us as Mr. and Mrs. Kyle and Leslie Means.  Not Mr. and Mrs. Means.

Imagine my horror when he announced us as Mr. and Mrs. Kyle Means.

Dear sweet baby Jesus.  What, do I not get a name now?

We did the separate bank account thing for a while, too.  Because in my mind, if we shared something I would lose my identity.

Eventually, my heart shifted.  Maybe it’s because I had no money to put into my bank account.  But I think it goes deeper than that.

Look.  I know what the Bible says.  Or, I know it says something about serving.  I’m not going to lie and tell you I know what verse that is.  I had to ask Google for the exact scripture. 

But I know what it means and I try to live it in my marriage.  

Are wives supposed to serve their husbands?  Yes.  But don’t get your panties in a wad here, people.  I’m not talking about waiting on your guy hand and foot while he shoves Cheetos in his mouth and wipes his cheesy hands on the couch.  And Lord knows I’ll never serve my guy his favorite casserole with an apron around my waist, perfect hair, high heels and red lipstick.

Well, one time I kinda did – but that was a totally different scenario. 

I’m talking about being proud to take care of your husband and your family. Not like his mama, but like as his best friend.  You know what I mean?  Stick up for him.  Defend him.  Make him his favorite dinner every once in a while, can ya?  Every 6 weeks or so, shave your damn legs.  (OK, that was a reminder for me.)

It’s not rocket science, folks.

I have a feeling you’d want the same thing done for you, maybe not the shaved legs things – or maybe you’re into that.  Whatever. 

It’s a partnership.  At least that’s what service means in my home.  We do things together.  I serve him, he serves me.  He gets the kids ready each morning and I’m there to make sure they are alive and well when they get home from school.  Bath and dinner duty usually falls on whoever is actually home that night.

Sometimes, I even set the dinner table and light candles for my family and (shocking) even do all the dishes after too.  And (AH!) I enjoy doing that. 

Does that mean I have to kick my feminist card to the curb?  No.  Clearly.  But it does mean I have a pretty darn good marriage that we are both proud of.  After 12 years, I love this guy.  Like, a lot.  And our  marriage is really, really good.  We’re not perfect, but we serve each other, you know?  We make sure of it.  

We recently had an article go major viral on Her View and the comments?  Good night.  They were out of this WORLD.  You would think the author was wiping her husband’s bum or something.  Women were freaking out because she said she loves to serve her husband. 

And guys, I only read a handful of the comments. 

See, I’m not sure what happened, but somewhere along the line women got the word “service” mixed up here.  When you step back and look, you’ll recognize that serving each other is exactly how marriage was meant to be.  And I have a feeling all the good marriages, you know – the ones that last for years upon years – figured that out fairly quickly.

Ladies, take a look at your home.  How much does your husband serve YOU?  I bet you’d be surprised here.  Maybe you too will find yourself saying – Yeah, I get it.  I’m proud to serve my husband too.

About the author

Leslie Means

Leslie is the co-founder and owner of Her View From Home.com. She is also a former news anchor, published children’s book author, weekly columnist, and has several published short stories as well.

She is married to a very patient man. Together they have two pretty fantastic little girls ages 8 and 6 and one little dude born March 2017!

When she’s not sharing too much personal information online and in the newspaper – you’ll find Leslie somewhere in Nebraska hanging out with family and friends. There’s also a 75% chance at any given time, you’ll spot her in the aisles at Target.

9 Comments

  • Mutual, loving service. It’s what distinguishes a married couple from a couple of roommates.

    And that service is nothing else but the work it requires, to build our whole world around each other.

  • It’s a shame that people don’t continue reading the Bible passages that talk about women serving or submitting to their husbands. If they did, they would see that husbands are to treat their wives well too! Marriage is all about partnership. Honestly, I don’t know many women who would be willing to do much for their husbands if it was all one-sided.

  • I read that other article about not being a butthole wife and I think the response was more because it read like we should tolerate any and all treatment because, well, they could die tomorrow. I know that isn’t what the author meant and I agree that we shouldn’t get hung up on the little things but the tone was more the problem, at least that was my reaction to it.

    • ” . . . tolerate any and all treatment because . . .” (?)

      I read both articles, as well, lunajuly. In the earlier article, she was talking *dirty clothes* on the floor.

      Agreed, that’s pretty bad, . . . obnoxious, but would anyone actually put that in the category of “any and all treatment” . . . like, oh, I don’t know, wiping out your joint bank account on a gambling spree; or slapping you around; or criticizing and complaining about how you spent your day when you’ve done your best; or seeing other women behind your back . . .?

      It’s *socks and underwear!* It’s annoying. It needs to stop. But I don’t put that into the “any and all treatment” category.

      • o I agree, it was a tone of it, a scolding almost? I know I’m not defining it well but it’s because it was the overall attitude more than anything else . I know I wasn’t alone in that either from the comments. But I don’t think it’s wrong to want your spouse to be considerate (putting socks and underwear away) especially when children see that example. And I don’t think she treated him badly over this behavior or threatened to divorce him over it or said he was a horrible person because of it, that would be wrong and petty. If my husband is doing something that makes my life harder, I’m not going to say “well at least he’s alive”. That doesn’t seem quite right to me either.

        I’m going to reread it right now with your comments in mind.

      • ok reread the article about butthole wife. Yeah, still don’t think she was being a butthole wife because she wanted him to do the very simply task of putting his dirty clothes where he should. I think it’s disrespectful to treat your wife that way, we all screw up and do selfish things some of the time but if he knew that made more work for her and he didn’t care and did it every day, eh, that’s not being considerate. I realize that it’s a small problem and nothing compared to his dying but I really don’t think she was asking too much. I got the same feeling I did the first time.

      • No, of course a wife – or a husband – isn’t “asking too much” when they communicate to their spouse that the spouse needs to keep up their fair share, take care of business, and not take the other for granted by letting themselves go – including leaving dirty clothes around.

        However, it’s possible to communicate that expectation in a fair, firm, and loving way without becoming a b*tch or a nag about it.

        And if the spouse ignores that communication, then it’s possible to respond in a quiet, fair, reasonable, and dignified manner, that allows the spouse to have to deal with the consequences of their own actions . . . consequences they won’t soon forget, and which will probably cure them of any future inclination to leave clothes lying around on the floor. (Consequences like: no clean clothes to wear to work. “I’m sorry, dear! I’m not at all surprised that you wanted those washed . . . I’m surprised you didn’t put them in the laundry hamper at the time. . . . What are you going to wear to work? . . . I’m afraid have no idea.” And you don’t say “good luck with that” because that would be rude. Your attitude toward the clothes-on-the-floor-leaving and now-without-clean-socks spouse is distantly helpful, vaguely sympathetic, but distinctly *but not in so many words – “not my problem! you’re an adult! you figure it out!”)

      • fair point! Although we don’t know if she nagged him or not, but yeah, I don’t do my husband’s laundry but if I did, I simply wouldn’t do what didn’t make it to the hamper. It’s like the “love and logic” I follow with my children but I will agree with you on this