Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. For many, it’s a day full of joy and laughter, but for some, including me, it’s a day of sadness and longing for someone who’s no longer there. As a mother, it’s like being torn in two directions. I am so blessed to have three children who I love with everything I am, but it doesn’t take away from the fact my mother died. A constant reminder that I should celebrate the day, but it is also incredibly devastating. 

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It’s hard for a lot of people to understand the consistent pain of loss like this unless they’ve been through it. I often hear things like, “Be happy you had the times you had with her” or “but you’re so lucky to have three beautiful children.” Yes, I had 30 years with my mom, yes, I have wonderful children, but many people get 60+ years with their parents, and I didn’t get that. I’ll never get that.

Mother’s Day is a reminder that I’m a motherless mother, and if you are a member of this awful club, you know the pain this day can hold. 

My youngest child happens to have a birthday a week after Mother’s Day, and my mom died shortly after she was born. So every year on Mother’s Day, and her birthday, I am slapped in the face with how long she’s been gone. Time doesn’t always heal all wounds, it can also just be a kick in the stomach. It’s just a reminder of how long you’ve been without the person you lost. What they’ve missed, what they’re never going to know. I look at my almost 2-year-old and always know my mom will never know how amazing she is. I think with everything, that may be the hardest part. What they’ll never know. 

I try hard not to spend Mother’s Day weekend depressed, angry, and longing for my mother’s touch, but sometimes it’s impossible.

It’s hard for those around me to grasp. Unfortunately, those feelings will always be there. I’ll always miss her, especially the day that’s supposed to be the one I’m celebrating with her. I know I can celebrate her, and I always will, but it’s just not the same. It will never be the same, and it just gets harder as the years fly by.

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I am writing this because it’s so important to be gentle and have empathy for those who are grieving. Especially during times like this. Whether it’s the loss of a mother or a child, grief doesn’t just flip off after x amount of time. The grief is always there. The loss never goes away, the pain will always exist even on a day that’s supposed to be a happy one.

Hug the ones you love, and have empathy for the ones who are missing those they’ve lost. Allow them to be sad because honestly, the best gift you can give them is a safe space to grieve. 

I miss you mom, happy Mother’s Day. 

Originally published on the author’s blog

Britney Longarzo

Britney Longarzo is the mom of three kiddos, a birth doula, and can usually be found wrapped in a cozy robe (even in the summer). Britney writes about all things #momlife on her blog, Birth Boobs and Babies. She has also been featured on Scary Mommy and Pregnant Chicken. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and her website