She is impressed with herself for the work she completed this morning that earned a few extra bucks for the family budget.

BUT…

She feels like a crummy mom because the kids all sat comatose in front of the TV while she did it. Too bad some good books would not keep them as quiet and busy.

She is thrilled that most of the kids will actually consume the high-fiber psyllium seed banana pancakes she just made fifty of for breakfasts this week.

BUT…

She is fully aware this in no way negates the ill-effects of the massive hot dog consumption during their lunchtimes.

She is refreshed from the conversation, and glad the little kids got some social interaction after a prolonged playgroup and lunch get-together with friends.

BUT…

She is kicking herself for not running those errands she intended to take care of instead since she now has to listen to the big kids complain about having to ride along for them when they’d rather play during those precious few hours they don’t have to be at school.

She is ecstatic over her freshly-reorganized pantry she slaved over for hours.

BUT…

She wants to permanently live in that one room now because the rest of the house apparently experienced a tornado while she in there.

She takes pride in watching her daughter twirl in an adorable handmade dress.

BUT…

She regrets how much she yelled at the poor girl to stop grabbing the pins, scissors, and sewing machine while she created it.

She is relieved the cell phone apps will give her a few minutes’ reprieve from her tired, hungry toddler so she can cook dinner in peace.

BUT…

She prays those experts are wrong about how horrible it is for that rapidly developing little brain.

She loves cheering on her big kids at all of their ball games and grateful for the ability to go to most of them.

BUT…

She hates making the toddler sit in the car and on bleachers for hours on end and wonders if she would be a happier kid if she ever got a decent nap at home in her bed.

She revels in the moments of kisses and snuggles.

BUT…

She struggles to avert her eyes and thoughts from the ever-growing mound of laundry and pile of dirty dishes in the sink during those times.

She knows different choices could have made life simpler, easier, and less chaotic.

BUT…

She thanks God every day for the gifts those choices brought forth, because she knows no other life could bring her more joy than this one.