Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

She is so tired. It is a kind of tired that no amount of sleep or rest can alleviate. It is a kind of tired that surpasses physical and even mental fatigue. It is a tiredness of soula tiredness that comes from wondering, and grieving, and not knowing how to save her son from the drugs the enemy has bound him up in.

She kneels alone on the floor in her bedroom closet. This is where she came when the fear and the uncertainty and the panic started to creep into her heart again. She came here to pray, though she doesn’t know why she chose this particular spot. Perhaps it is because she needed to be in a place that felt small and safe and secluded.

As she prays, she absentmindedly traces her finger along the outline of the cigarette burn in the carpet, and in between the praying and the crying, she wonders why the previous owners thought this would be a good place to smoke a cigarette. She presses her finger deeper into the center, feeling the roughness of the melted carpet and strangely, she finds a kind of comfort in it. Here, in her bedroom closet, with the door closed, and the door to the bedroom closed, she leans in to the only hope she has. She leans into Jesus.

RELATED: Love the Addict So Hard it Hurts

She knows that Jesus understands her fears, and she knows she can trust Him. More specifically, she knows she can trust Him with her son. She remembers the five words He asked her to pray over him just last week, “Do whatever it takes, Lord.” And she remembers the comfort she felt. She remembers the peace that washed over her when she submitted to His promptings and gave up her perceived control, and surrendered him to the Lord.

She knows she can trust Him with her son, but sometimes, her fears try to fight their way back into her heart. Sometimes she feels like she will give in to the despair. But when those feelings come, like they did today, she chooses to remember that He is in control and she is not. But more important than that, she remembers that her greatest weaponher only weapon in her fight for her sonis prayer.

She has prayed so many prayers, and she will continue to do so, but with the prayers, come the tears, and she is sick to death of crying. She suspects though, that the tears will continue to fall for a while yet.

Right now, here in the closet with the cigarette burn in the carpet, she believes she is still in the middle of it. But actually, she is still only in the beginning. She hasn’t yet been plunged into the depths of what will come. She hasn’t come to the place where she has no idea where he is. She hasn’t yet come to the reality of the deception that bombards her son. She hasn’t seen the lengths the enemy will go to try and steal him. She hasn’t come to that place yet.

But she will. She will cry a lot more. She will taste fear. She will come face to face with lies right from the pit of hell. She will learn to fight harder than she ever thought she was able.

RELATED: I Was an Addict. Thanks to God, I Have My Life Back.

But here’s another thing she doesn’t know yet: Jesus is using all these prayers to build the foundation of the work He is doing for her son. And He is also using all these prayers to strengthen her in ways she cannot yet see. These prayers are accumulating, and even though she can’t see it yet, they are pushing through the darkness and paving the way to the Light. She doesn’t know this yet, but she will.

All she knows at this point in time, right here in the closet with the cigarette burn in the carpet, is the promise of His goodness and the promise of His faithfulness. And that is enough . . . because Jesus is enough.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Melinda Tarcon

Hi! I'm Melinda! I am currently living in a small, fly-in/fly-in community way up in the Northwest Territories, just a 150 kms from the Arctic Circle. I write about how I strive toward holy homemaking on my blog, Holiness & Hygge. You can find me on Facebook at Holiness & Hygge | Facebook, on IG at Holiness & Hygge (@holinessandhygge) • Instagram photos and videos on Pinterest and on YouTube at Holiness & Hygge - YouTube

God is For Me

In: Faith
God is For Me

God is for me. In my anxiety and worries, He embraces me with a love that holds no fear. The purest form of love there is, and a love I have immediate access to. In my doubts, when I’m feeling like I’m not good enough or will never amount to anything, He reminds me that He isn’t even close to being done with me. He has more in store for me than I can imagine. In my shame He lifts my chin and tells me I’m not my past, that I’ve been made new. In my exhaustion He is my...

Keep Reading

The Storm Continues – Our Struggle with Addiction

In: Faith, Grief, Relationships
The Storm Continues - Our Struggle with Addiction

In the last few years, my life has dramatically transformed. These changes were so sudden, and also so unplanned. I am a Christian woman so I appreciate the unplanned, the unexpected, but yet exhilarating surprises that come up in God’s plan. Of course, when changes happen, sometimes we don’t understand them and we become frustrated with the cards we have been dealt. However, we learn the reasons why through the outcomes we receive. For me, these unplanned gifts were a beautiful newborn baby, a marriage to his father, and the identity of being a mother. You are probably reading this,...

Keep Reading

God is Not Done, and He is Good

In: Faith

I know many of us may be struggling with various things tonight. Some are struggling with anxiety, depression, or health issues. Others are grieving and sorrowful. Some are worried about financial issues, challenges within our families, or perhaps we’re overwhelmed with life in general. There are so many struggles in this life, aren’t there? And I know you might wonder if it will ever get better? Sometimes we ask if it will ever stop hurting? I can not promise you perfection in this life, and I won’t offer platitudes or easy answers. Some things, once broken, will never be the...

Keep Reading