If you like Her View, you'll love our new book, So God Made a Mother. Pre-Order here ➡️

After I entered motherhood, I let my identity slip away from me. Not all at once, but little by little. I was too busy. Too proud to ask for help. Too uncertain to stick up for myself. I took on too much. I let my own needs take a back seat to everyone else’s. The scariest part of it all was that I did not realize it was happening.   

For so many years my identity centered around labels. I was a teacher, a mom, a wife, a housekeeper.  I was no longer Jacie. I struggled to fulfill all the roles I thought I was supposed to fill. 

It has taken a long time. But I finally have found myself again. 

I have found balance. I have found joy. I was blessed this past year to be able to stay at home with my daughter. I was able to focus on her and myself. I had time to just breathe. I rediscovered what filled my bucket. What made me feel alive. What made me feel like myself. And I was able to figure out who I was inside this thing called motherhood. And I am terrified to lose it all again.  

RELATED: I Fear I’ve Lost Myself To Motherhood

This year, going back to workeven part-timeI worry. I worry about the normal things when starting a new job: learning my responsibilities, being successful, and getting along with colleagues. But more than that, I worry about disrupting the equilibrium that I have fought so hard for this past year.

I fear pieces of me fading away as my plate overflows once again. 

I don’t want to go back to that place where there is no room for me.

Where I am not even sure who I am outside work, motherhood, and all of the labels.  

I don’t want to be stressed all of the time and snapping at my loved ones. I want to be loving and happy and fun to be around. I want to have energy and not spend every day on the brink of exhaustion. I want to have time for exercise and rest. And I do not want to constantly feel alone and overwhelmed.    

I want to keep pursuing the passions that bring me joy. I want to enjoy cooking dinner for my family, putting away their laundry, and keeping the house clean for all of us. I want to have the stamina and desire to play with my daughter on the floor and read her books at night. I want to be silly and play pretend without worrying about my growing to-do list.  

I want to be flexible and let go of control. I want to be less wrapped up in details and more present in the moment and the experiences around me. I want to make intimacy (both emotional and physical) a priority with my husband. I want him to feel important, loved, and desired. And I want to feel important, loved, and desired.    

I want it all, and I want to enjoy it all. 

But is that even possible? I worry it is not. Can I have my career, my family, and my passions? Am I the only one in this struggle? Do all mothers feel this way, or all women for that matter? Perhaps we just need to pay more attention. Maybe we need to acknowledge it’s hard to have it all before we can start working toward a more balanced life.  

RELATED: I Just Can’t Balance it All

So this time I will make a commitment to myself for it to be different. This time I will reach out for support when I need it. This time I will trust that God will guide me. This time I will rest when I need to, guilt-free. This time I will love all life has to offer, instead of resenting it.  

I will still worry, and probably always will, because I’m a mother and a woman. But I will remind myself that I am also so much more. And that just because I worry, I don’t have to stop living. And if I stay aware, I can have it all! And that is a wonderful thing.  

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Jacie Kendrew

As a middle school teacher, I love putting my students first. As a mother, I love putting my daughter first. As a wife, I love putting my husband first. Now, I love also putting myself first. I can honestly say motherhood has been the most challenging and yet rewarding journey of my life. In this chapter of my life, my goal is to share my experiences with other mothers who are going through similar challenges and give voice to our struggles, insights, and successes.

You Can Have it All—Just Not At Once

In: Motherhood
mom and little boy outside, color photo

Last week, I was talking to a man who asked me if I thought women could have it all. You know, the whole shebang. The real deal. The DREAM. A beautiful family, a great career, a house with a white picket fence and a dog that doesn’t jump on every person who enters the house. A great social life, a physically fit body with flawless makeup, and a humanitarian. I came to the quick conclusion that no, women cannot have it all. We can make it look that way on social media, but we all know that’s not true. He...

Keep Reading

To the Mom Who Seems to Have it All Together

In: Journal, Motherhood, Relationships
To the Mom Who Seems to Have it All Together www.herviewfromhome.com

I see you at drop-off while I am disheveled in my sweats and rushing my child into school, running late once again. I glance at you in your perfectly-matched athletic wear and I am envious of you for looking like you could be on the cover of a Lululemon catalog so early in the morning. Your “messy bun” is frustratingly stylish, and your makeup hides any hint of you being sleep deprived or exhausted. I’m on my fourth cup of coffee and still cannot keep up with your obvious energy. How do you do it? Your child must have gone...

Keep Reading

This is Why Working Moms Are Stressed

In: Motherhood
Laundry piled up by washing machine

In case you were wondering why working moms are stressed, here are 10 reasons working mamas are STRESSED the freak out:  1. We are late to mostly everything. Especially work. You can set 15 alarms, lay out clothes the night before and meal prep until the good Lord comes back, but inevitably there will be a meltdown or someone will have to poop and next thing you know, you are running 20 minutes behind speeding down the highway answering questions about where babies come from and why the earth is round. 2. We are tired. Most nights we come home...

Keep Reading