As we grow up, we experience all different types and versions of love, and in turn, we experience very different things when each of these relationships ends.
For me, as painful as they were, breakups were always relatively simple.
Intentions were clear. Feelings were hurt. Betrayal. Lies. The love, gone. You know, the kind of breakups people always talk about.
Young love. We were clueless. Some would say stupid. We thought we knew everything, but we really knew nothing at all. It hurt, unlike anything we’d ever experienced, because well, we’d never experienced anything like that before.
But like all things when we are young, we grow, and we move on.
The toxic relationship. The one that broke me slowly for years until it finally destroyed me. Even with that horrific ending, it was exactly that, a clear ending. There wasn’t any going back. The damage was done. It would be hard. But it was clear, cut and dry.
The relationship where someone falls out of love. Also painful. So painful. Regardless of the side that you stand on. But again, clear, cut, and to the point. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make yourself love someone even if they feel like the perfect choice.
Now let’s fast forward to heartbreak number four. Present day. The heartbreak and breakup that I wasn’t ever prepared for. The heartbreak you don’t read in a book or see in a movie. The heartbreak that confuses you and flips your world upside down at the sentence you never actually understood before, “How can love not be enough?”
Nobody prepares you for the relationship you must leave because it just simply isn’t working.
You aren’t on the same page in life anymore. You don’t communicate in the same way. You are hurting each other without trying. You simply love each other so much, but no matter what you do, that love isn’t enough to fix it.
The type of heartbreak that feels so easy to go back to. So easy to do the safe thing to avoid the pain. You feel like your issues aren’t big enough, aren’t bad enough, you don’t hate each other, so why not just make it work?
Until you realize that it can’t. You realize that every reason you got here is every reason you can’t go back.
You must walk away from someone you still love.
Your best friend. Your constant. With no anger, no hate, just confusion. Just confusion on why a type of heartbreak like this exists. Confusion that we may never understand.
Why can’t love always be enough?