Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Every day in my Facebook world I see many posts like, “Shout out to _______ for taking care of the kids last night!” or “I have the best husband in the world, he held the baby so I could take a shower.” It got me thinking. Why do we feel the need to praise our spouses for helping? If you saw, “I have the best wife in the world, she held the baby so I could take a shower,” what would you think?

While I applaud gratitude in any form, it is not a miracle or above and beyond the call of duty when a dad cares for his children. They, not only, are capable of taking care of their tiny humans, they are responsible for their care and excel at it… if we let them.

It is so easy for us to enter into mommy mode and mother everything in sight. We become criticizing machines, judging others for their obvious incompetence in dealing with our precious bundles of joy. We begin to view and treat dads as children because they struggle with things like diaper changes, styling hair, or creating healthy-yet-palatable meals for toddlers.

But here’s the thing, moms struggle too, there’s just no one else is there to swoop in to save us, so we figure it out.

We become excellent. When newly-minted-Dad begins to struggle, we step in and take care of it telling ourselves it is just easier. But is it? Is it easier to be the one who has to do every darned thing? DADS ARE PARENTS TOO! They need to struggle. They need to learn through trial and error just like us. They need to have space and freedom to become excellent. And guess what? When they become excellent then your tiny human has TWO excellent parents. Amazing!

I’m just as guilty of this as the next mom. When my first was born, we were hardening ourselves for a grueling 15-month-long deployment. Two weeks after her arrival, her dad was boarding a plane to Iraq and thus my parenting journey began. By the time he came home, we had a toddler and a routine that didn’t involve him. I, being the control freak that I am, didn’t let him learn to be a dad, I just handled it and let him off the hook because it was “easier.” It took me going to grad school and having weekend and evening classes to give him a chance to try parenting solo.

It was rocky.

Turns out there is a pretty steep learning curve when you’re more familiar with an AK-47 and a tourniquet than a wild redhead in fairy wings. Then, five years later, little brother arrived and my husband had never done the baby part, so I took care of it. On my 30 minute runs, I would get one or two phone calls asking if I was done yet. I was resentful. Why was it that I had to do EVERYTHING? Oh yeah, because I created the system that was backfiring on me.

Three kids in now, I can say this. Dads can do this parenting schtick if we let them. I should know, I was raised by my dad. He, having majority custody, raised my sister and I on his own. No grandma, girlfriend, or nanny at the house. He learned by trial and LOTS of error how to bring up two girls. Sure, there were terrible hair-cuts, outfits, and we learned more about hunting and fishing than mani/pedis, but we were better for it. We succeeded in school, learned the value of hard work, and how every person in the world adds value to it. We may or may not have been exposed to beer-drinking-cigar-smoking foolishness and we were more likely to be seen in Carharts than tutu’s, but we were cared for.

We were loved.

Every doctor’s appointment, band concert, softball game, and volleyball tournament was attended. Every spelling word practiced, agenda checked, and thank-you note overseen not to mention the daily life of a parent in the unending laundry/dishes shuffle. Even the dreaded tampon run was made, because they can do it.

Dads can do it all and be excellent and my new year’s resolution is to let them.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Casey Hitchcock

Casey Hitchcock is a homeschool mom of three, military wife, lover of pancakes and lifting heavy. In 2013 she created birth.hope.love to support all births and help encourage mothers to listen to their own voice and find confidence in themselves. You can often find her behind her camera lens or locked in her bathroom trying to find a shred of sanity.

Yes, We Wanted a Big Family

In: Kids, Motherhood
Big family silhouette

Baby number WHAT?!?! Okay, okay, I know having FIVE children in the modern world is a bit of an anomaly, but the responses we have gotten from sharing our joyful (to us!) news has been a bit over-the-top. You see, my husband and I always dreamt of a big family, verbally expressing four to five children as our ultimate number. After having three, I must say I had to do some convincing to keep going, as my husband felt our hands were pretty full. I do agree our hands were pretty full, but I still felt our hearts could handle...

Keep Reading

How Much Longer Will I Watch Them Play?

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Two boys at indoor playground, color photo

As I sit here watching my two boys running around on the bright-colored foam mats, sliding down the bright red and green slides that end up in a ball pit full of giggles, I can’t help but wonder how much longer I will enjoy this sight. They’re both growing up so fast—T-shirts with their favorite characters have been replaced by plain colors.  Curtains with Paw Patrol now invite an “Eww, cringe!” reaction. Slowly their boy bedroom decor has been updated to reflect the cool gamers they so want to be. RELATED: He’s a Boy For Just a Little While Longer No...

Keep Reading

God Gave Him Bigger Feelings

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy on playground, color photo

He came home from school last week and asked, “Why do I get so angry but my friends never do? Why am I not the same?” And it broke me. Because he is passionate and intelligent and kind and intuitive and beautiful. He didn’t always seem different. We never paid attention to how he would line everything up in play. And we would laugh it off as a quirk when he would organize everything dependent upon shape, size, and color. He was stubborn, sure, but so am I. And then COVID happened, and we attributed the lack of social skills...

Keep Reading

We Have a Big Family and Wouldn’t Change a Thing

In: Kids, Motherhood
Four children in front of Christmas tree, color photo

I have just had my fourth baby. A baby who wasn’t expected but very much wanted and very much loved from the moment we found out. When we told people we were expecting, the response was underwhelming. The stream of intrusive questions would then ensue:  You already have your hands full, how will you cope with four? You’ll need a bigger car! Where will they all sleep? Don’t you own a TV? You know how babies are made right? People seemed to have such a strong opinion about me having a fourth child. RELATED: We Had a Lot of Kids...

Keep Reading

As a Mom I’m Far From Perfect, But I Hope You Remember the Joy

In: Kids, Motherhood
Happy mother and daughter on the beach

Sometimes, I think about the future when you are grown and I am gone. When all that’s left of me are photographs and memories. I know what the photographs will show. I took most of them, after all. But the memories I’m less sure of. I wonder what will stick with you after all that time. How will you remember me? One day, your grandkids will ask you about me. What will you say? Will you tell them I was always distracted? Will you remember that I looked at my phone too much? Will you tell them I didn’t play...

Keep Reading

Being a Daycare Mom Can Be So Hard

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood
Woman holding boy on couch, black-and-white photo

Dear daycare mom,  I know it’s hard.  To get yourself up before them, to make lunches, to pack the bags, to get yourself ready.  To go into their rooms, where they are peacefully sleeping, and turn the lights on.  To struggle to get them breakfast, get them dressed, and get them out the door.  I know it’s hard.  To have a morning rush when all you want to do is snuggle up on the couch and ease into your day.  RELATED: When a Mom is Late To Work To feel like you are missing out on their childhood at times...

Keep Reading

The PB&J that Saved the Day

In: Kids, Motherhood
Table with three plates of PB&J sandwiches, color photo

It was one of those days.  One of those days when your pants are too tight, you wake up with a headache, and the kids’ rooms are disasters at 8 a.m. It was one of those days when I had to physically go into Target for our groceries since I didn’t have time to wait for pickup—I think that alone should sum up exactly the kind of day it was.  The kids were hangry. The toddler was, well, toddler-y. RELATED: Toddlers Are Human Too—And Sometimes They Just Need Grace Two minutes into our shopping trip, she had kicked her light-up rain...

Keep Reading

One Day He’ll Love Another Woman More than He Loves Me

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding baby, color photo

To Benjamin, my 16-month-old son, I am everything. I am the first person that boy looks for when he wakes up in the morning and the last person he wants before he goes to bed. If he is in a room full of people he loves and I am not there, he will search for me.  If he has a problem, mommy is the solution. I am the answer to his cries. I feel confident in saying that I am the most important person in that little boy’s little world. I love it. It is an honor and a privilege...

Keep Reading

To My Sister, Thank You For Being the Best Aunt To My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood
Aunt with three young kids

“Do you have the kids’ basketball schedule yet?” you texted the other day. I sent back a screenshot of the calendar, and within an hour you responded telling me which game you’d be coming to. It was a simple exchange, but I was overwhelmed with gratitude for your love for my kids in that moment. It’s something I think often but don’t say nearly enough: thank you for being such an amazing aunt. Truly.  I know it’s not always convenient. You live three hours away and have a busy, full life of your own—but still, you show up for your niece and nephews...

Keep Reading

In Defense of the Stubborn Child

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy hanging over dock, color photo

“Lamp. Lamp. Laaaaamp,” my 2-year-old son screamed while stomping his feet. Tears were running down his face and snot was dripping dangerously close to his mouth. I put on what I hoped would be a soothing, motherly tone, “Okay, just calm down.” While trying to maintain eye contact, I slowly reached toward the tissue box. This must be what the greats like Jeff Corwin, Steve Irwin, or the Kratt brothers feel like when facing a volatile animal in the wild. The sound of a tissue being pulled from the box caused the crying to stop abruptly. His eyes flitted toward...

Keep Reading