Every mama has her day.
When she is the water in a pan—and life keeps cranking up the heat until she boils over and no one can stop her and bring her back to a calm stillness.
Today was mine.
It hit me while I was standing in the middle of our master bedroom splattered with not-sure-if-that’s-clean-or-dirty laundry baskets and random toys … a visual representation of the chaos in my brain and the unorganized array of emotions I’ve felt over the last couple of weeks.
And I just fell to my knees and let it out.
The “good cry”.
Where in between tissue dabs and deep breaths . . . I whisper to God, “When are you going to show me the purpose in all of this?”
I ask Him that . . . because I’ve been at this point enough times in my life to know that He has a purpose lingering in the uncomfortable moments.
That when I go through a struggle, oftentimes I come out on the other end and realize that I have grown in the way God knew I needed to.
That when I feel overwhelmed, I have a greater appreciation for the people who help me find balance.
That when prayers aren’t answered for me and my family, I eventually find out it’s because He had something else much greater in store.
But knowing there’s a purpose in these uneasy times of life also makes “the wait” to discovering that purpose that much harder.
So I start focusing my energy on getting to the answers more quickly, instead of focusing on living in the moments that will lead me there.
Today, that exhaustion of trying so hard to find that meaning caught up to me . . . and I fell to the ground—God’s way of slowing me down and saying, “Let me do the work. You take in the journey.”
Once I gathered myself, I went into the other room where my daughter was playing. I picked her up, walked over to the couch, sat down . . . and just hugged her.
I decided to just BE.
Neither of us said a word, and eventually both of us fell asleep . . . giving my mind and body a chance to rest from all of that searching, and to instead soak in the contentment that lives in “being”.
So while I don’t know what the greater purpose of this time in my life is . . . I know what the purpose of today was.
To remind me to let God take care of the big stuff, so I can allow myself to take in the little moments on the journey to getting there.
You may also like: