Now, I know being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t immediately get you in the mood but think of it as another form of self-care. Right now you’re more than likely detached from your body. You eat what you can to survive, there’s no time to work out, and if there is, there’s no energy for it. And as soon as your partner comes home, the only thing you want to exchange is the baby for a moment in the bathroom. 

As mothers, it wouldn’t be the most outrageous thing to say that our needs come last.

We are formidable, and we take care of everyone else’s needs pretty well. “Honey, your wallet is right where you left it!” Sound familiar? 

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Chances are your body looks different postpartum. It doesn’t want to cooperate and you’re still 10-20+ pounds heavier than you were pre-pregnancy. So no one is feeling particularly sexy right now. And if we’re being honest, after nursing all day, it’s hard to imagine your breasts being related to anything sexual, especially when teeth are coming in and baby is trying them out on you. 

Sex for you should be a priority.

I definitely hear the add that to the list of things that need to be a priority in my life! But it should be. Because it’s likely been a while since you’ve done it, and you need to give yourself permission to want it. Ignore all of those thoughts in your head that rattle off the reasons you can’t and shouldn’t.

Here’s why you definitely should.

1. It validates you.

Being a stay-at-home mom leaves you feeling like you’re not a person. You’re just in service, and you’re just a source of something for someone else. You pick up your kid from school, and they don’t even say hi before they tell you what you need to do for them. So having sex helps you to feel like a human being who feels things.

2. It nurtures your marriage.

He’s at work all day, you mostly just talk through text, if that. Kids come first so both of you are sacrificing for the greater good. Even though that is great, it neglects your marriage. Taking care of your marriage now instead of waiting until (insert future age/season when the kids are gone) is going to leave you not knowing each other when it is only the two of you left in the house.

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3. You deserve pleasure.

You deserve to be touched and not in a my hands are sticky so what should I do? kind of way. You deserve to feel wanted because you are still an attractive, lovable creature. And I’m sure it’s been a while since you’ve heard those words since your mom uniform of a dingy t-shirt and jeans doesn’t holler come get me.

4. It’s actually self-care.

Since we’re all about self-care these days, this falls into that category. Imagine how much better of a human being you could be for your family if you’ve been allowed some physical pleasure besides a chocolate bar and wine. You’ll feel more confident, loved, and present because you’re not worrying about why you haven’t, why he hasn’t, etc. 

Being seen is sometimes all you want when you’re home with kids every day. Not just appreciated or affirmed, but also being seen like you were before you ended up pregnant in the first place.

We do a tough job and we still have needs, and we need to be honest about what they are.

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No one else is going to advocate for us. We can’t expect our partners to read our minds, so we have to be brave enough to say “Let’s make Thursday night our night to connect physically and emotionally.” If you have to schedule it, there’s no shame in that because you have a full life and you have to be intentional about everything you want.

Speak up mama and get yours because you’re due and you need it.

Tanica Russell

Tanica Russell is a writer from Los Angeles, born and raised. She enjoys screenwriting, writing poetry, fiction, and nonfiction. She loves to eat mango with Tajin and spends her days loving on her husband, 7-year-old son, and 11-month-old daughter.