A Gift for Mom! 🤍

God Knew I Needed You, Miracle Baby

5 Minute Read

By Sharon Beaudoin

Mom and baby touching noses — Lena S/Shutterstock.com

I remember the day I found out you were coming. I’m not proud of my initial reaction, but at the time, it was how I felt. I called a friend, who knew more about pregnancy tests than me, in a panic because part of me wanted it to be a false positive. I ran to the drugstore and bought a 2-pack of tests and then ran home and took another one. Positive again.

What was I going to do? I was 43 years old, and by the time you’d be born, I’d be 44.

Our youngest, my stepdaughter, will be 19 this year, and we had plans to travel and finally do the things we wanted to do.

How was I going to tell your father? I had been told on two separate occasions, 10 years apart, that I would not be able to conceive without fertility treatments. We had tried about seven years ago to have a baby, but that wasn’t what God had planned, and we didn’t want to go the fertility treatment route. Your dad and I had been together for almost nine years but only married for five months when I found out you were coming.

Our world was flipped in an instant.

Over the next few weeks, I moved around in a fog. I struggled with a ton of guilt. I felt guilty because I felt like it was my fault that I got pregnant. Rationally, I knew it took both of us, but the guilt still won out. I repeatedly apologized to your father, who by the way, took the news you were coming a lot better than I did. I felt guilty because I wasn’t jumping up and down for joy, picking out baby names, designing a nursery, and doing all those things I imagined a woman who has been trying to get pregnant for years does.

I felt guilty because I kept thinking about all of the plans your dad and I had and how I ruined them by getting pregnant (again, not rational, but at the time that wasn’t my state of mind). I felt guilty because I knew there were so many women who would kill to be in my shoes, and I was being so ungrateful.

Then I cried. I cried because you weren’t even born yet, and I was already a terrible mother for having all these thoughts. I’m not sure how your dad and your sister put up with me, but they did.

Amidst all these thoughts and feelings, I prayed.

I prayed for God to keep you healthy and safe and to give me time to adjust to what would become my new normal. I prayed for forgiveness for not appreciating the beautiful gift of life God had given us and for being so selfish. I prayed for God to remind me of Sarah, and if she could be a mother at 90, then I could do it at 44. I prayed to God to let Him know that I knew He had a plan and I just needed time for the shock to wear off.

I just prayed.

It’s been two months since we found out you were coming, and we are excited to meet you. I still don’t want to pick out nursery items or clothes yet because I feel like it’s too early, but I want you to know the shock has started to wear off, and I love you. Despite the chronic, debilitating migraines, the morning sickness, and the fatigue, I love you, and we will weather it all together until you get here. Your dad and sister are just as excited to meet you.

I got to see you at our first ultrasound, and you are so beautiful. Your little heart was just beating away and even though I couldn’t hear it, I could see it. You were moving your little arms and waving them around, and the only regret I had at that moment was that your dad and sister couldn’t be there to see you.

Always, always, always remember you are a beautiful, wonderful, unexpected, undeserved gift from God, and you are more cherished and loved than you will ever know.

You are a miracle, and when you think about how I felt when I found out about you, that’s what I want you to know. I want you to know you are a miracle and God has special plans for you.

Now, we patiently wait and pray for your safe and healthy arrival. Thankfully, God is omniscient, and He knew before we did, how much we need you.

Love,
Mom

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

40s baby miracle baby Motherhood new baby pregnancy

Sharon Beaudoin

Married with two stepdaughters and a baby on the way—two dogs, three cats, one rabbit. Enjoy, knitting, reading, candle making, time away with the family.

Your Worth As a Mother Is Not Defined By How You Feed Your Baby

In: Baby, Motherhood

I’m not breastfeeding my baby. I wanted to. And I was able to for the first several weeks of her life. But as the days went on, I could tell it wasn’t enough for her anymore, so we started supplementing. And sure enough, without warning, she began screaming through nursing sessions, but was satisfied with a bottle. And that’s when I knew what I needed to do. A similar situation also happened with my first. She didn’t gain her birth weight back on my milk alone, so I had no choice but to supplement right away. And before I knew...

Keep Reading

I May Let Go of the Baby Things, but I’ll Hold the Memories Forever

In: Baby, Motherhood

Woman looking through closet of baby items

It’s easy to think of multiple sayings and mottos about how invaluable earthly possessions are. “It’s not what you have, but who you share it with” “Worry less about things and more about experiences” “Who cares what you have, you can’t take it with you when you go” And trust me, I know these to be true. I am not a hoarder of hotel pens or mini shampoo bottles or every receipt and coaster from my favorite restaurants. I don’t care much for name-brand shoes or designer purses, yet there are a few things I just can’t easily let go...

Keep Reading

I Didn’t Know You Were My Last Baby When I Had You

In: Baby, Motherhood

Mother holding newborn baby, black and white image

I didn’t know at the time that my last baby would be my last. Those late nights with little sleep. The days that felt so long, yet so full all at the same time. The pain that came with trying to breastfeed and wanting so badly for it to work. Learning who was truly there for you in moments that felt lonely. I didn’t know my body would never feel those first flutters again—or experience the emotional joy of meeting your baby face to face after nine months of waiting. I think that’s why I want so badly to experience...

Keep Reading

To My Angel Babies

In: Baby, Loss

To my three angel babies, From the moment I saw that first positive pregnancy test, you became a part of me. You were never just an idea, a hope, or a dream—you were my babies. I loved you from the very beginning, and I still do. Not a day passes that I don’t think of you or pray for you. I dreamt of watching you grow up with your big brother, dreamt of who you would become, and all the memories we’d make. You may have been tiny, but the dreams I had for you were not. To some, you...

Keep Reading

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

In: Baby, Motherhood

Newborn baby in santa hat sleeping with lights around him

“That’s right, my secondborn will have mashed potato cakes every year for his birthday,” I say with a forced laugh, knowing exactly how cheesy I sound. My husband and I didn’t exactly plan for a holiday baby, but here we are. Our due date is November 21st, so depending on the year, our son may often share a birthday party with the holiday of gratitude and pumpkin everything. When people find out when we are expecting, the responses are usually mixed, like they’re unsure what to say. These statements range anywhere from a slightly sarcastic “Oh, that will be a...

Keep Reading

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

In: Baby, Motherhood

This is the story I wish someone had shared with me when I was losing all hope. I never imagined I would be the one writing this. But here I am, opening up about something that once felt too painful to say out loud. A truth I believed I would carry silently forever: I had given up on becoming pregnant. After five years. Five years that left me emotionally worn out, physically drained, financially stretched, and spiritually defeated. Five years that included five separate rounds of ovulation-stimulating medication. (I’m purposely leaving out the name to protect others from self-medicating.) Eventually,...

Keep Reading

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

In: Baby, Grief, Motherhood

Rainbow baby lying on blanket with onesie that says "rainbow"

Dear Mama, Today, take a moment for yourself. A moment to reflect on this powerful journey. And just soak it in. Soak every single second of it in. Hold that baby a little longer. A little tighter. Smell their sweet little head and stare into their big, beautiful eyes. Whether it’s been a day, a week, a month, or longer since that precious little life joined the world, chances are it’s flying by. So take a minute to slow down, soak it in, and celebrate. Celebrate this little miracle you prayed for so hard. This little human you and your...

Keep Reading

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

In: Baby, Motherhood

Mother sitting beside preemie in a NICU basinette

They clap when you bring the baby home—finally, miraculously, out of the NICU. They celebrate the milestones, the trials overcome, and mark the battle as won. You made it. You’re home. You’re okay, the baby’s okay. But what about what comes after? What about the silence that follows the storm? The slow, aching process of unpacking trauma no one talks about, and few understand. The wounds no one sees. The moments you’re expected to be grateful when you’re still gasping for air. The days spent trying to be okay, when so much of the past few months have been very...

Keep Reading

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

In: Baby, Motherhood

Pregnant woman holding belly, black and white image

Seven years after I gave birth to my youngest child, I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I was 42, had been sick and fatigued, and thought I might have diabetes, thyroid cancer, or be going into menopause. When she asked if I could be pregnant, I laughed. I mean, it had been six months since my husband and I had been intimate—not the recipe for pregnancy. Then, the hCG test came back at 66,000. Shocked doesn’t even begin to encompass my feelings. A little backstory: When our youngest was two, my husband and I tried for a...

Keep Reading

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

In: Baby, Motherhood

Elevator door in hospital during COVID-19 pandemic

To the mamas of babies now turning five, the ones born during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Alone, masked, giving birth in a hospital filled with fear and protocols. Some of you left through back hallways or maintenance elevators—quiet exits where there should’ve been balloons and cheers. The ones with no hospital visitors, no sibling introductions, no joyful flood of family holding your newborn. No newborn photos, no parties, no sweet “welcome to the world” celebrations. Just fear. Isolation. Quiet. Survival. You missed out on moments you dreamed of. And if that baby was your last, it might ache...

Keep Reading

I Wanted To Raise My Son To Put God First, But My Husband Showed Him How

Faith

I Wanted To Raise My Son To Put God First, But My Husband Showed Him How

School Looks Iffy In the Fall—and I'm Already Grieving

Motherhood

God Knew I Needed You, Miracle Baby

What was I going to do? I was 43 years old, and by the time you’d be born, I’d be 44.

Our world was flipped in an instant.

Amidst all these thoughts and feelings, I prayed.

Always, always, always remember you are a beautiful, wonderful, unexpected, undeserved gift from God, and you are more cherished and loved than you will ever know.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Sharon Beaudoin

Your Worth As a Mother Is Not Defined By How You Feed Your Baby

I May Let Go of the Baby Things, but I’ll Hold the Memories Forever

I Didn’t Know You Were My Last Baby When I Had You

To My Angel Babies

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

God Knew I Needed You, Miracle Baby

What was I going to do? I was 43 years old, and by the time you’d be born, I’d be 44.

Our world was flipped in an instant.

Amidst all these thoughts and feelings, I prayed.

Always, always, always remember you are a beautiful, wonderful, unexpected, undeserved gift from God, and you are more cherished and loved than you will ever know.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Your Worth As a Mother Is Not Defined By How You Feed Your Baby

I May Let Go of the Baby Things, but I’ll Hold the Memories Forever

I Didn’t Know You Were My Last Baby When I Had You

To My Angel Babies

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like