We have all seen them—the posts about the door always open, the coffee always on, telling us someone is always there when we need support.

I have lived with depression my entire life. From being a nervous child with a couple of ticks to a middle-aged woman with recurrent major depressive and generalized Anxiety disorder diagnoses.

Antidepressants, therapy, writing, and friends are my treatments. The first three are easy, my doctor prescribes antidepressants, I make appointments with a therapist, and I write when I feel the need.

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The fourth is hard. As I mentioned in “I Wish I Knew How to Get a Seat at the Table,” I struggle to find my place. The struggle is amplified by frequent missteps, fear or exclusion, and to be honest, depression.

When I am depressed, I am less tolerant. My filter does not work as well. And sadly, I say things that may not be received well. The result is I feel judged and more alone than before—at a time when I desperately need someone in my corner.

I reach out and find either crickets or judgment. Not a good place. I sink further, and I blame my friends, I comment that their posts about open doors and coffee were not reality. Because when I needed someone, they were not there.

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Except they are there. Recently I was in that dark place, feeling judged and lost. Struggling to find my way back to light. Two friends asked me to coffee. One dealing with her own issues, needed a friend to talk with. The other simply wanted to reconnect and share a Bible verse. Neither called to comfort me, both called because they needed someone, and they wanted that someone to be me.

Through those conversations, I found the light I needed. I am not alone. I am surrounded by people who care. People who need me like I need them. I learned that if you want to have support, you need to offer support. Most importantly, you need to be thankful for those who support you. I need to not worry about who isn’t there, but be thankful for who is there.