Hello Gentlemen,

I am about to give you some secret wisdom. It’s something women know, but we may not have explicitly expressed to you. But I know there are lots of you out there that are interested in spending some “adult” time with your wife tonight and I’d like to help you. 

My advice here won’t be expensive. It won’t be complicated. It won’t be hard. And there’s a chance it won’t work tonight, because sometimes you have to do these things a few times to see the results. But I’m going to break it down for you into the most simple terms to give you the greatest likelihood of success for your efforts tonight. 

If you want to get laid, you need to address the two major barriers your wife has about also getting laid tonight. 

  1. She is tired.
  2. She doesn’t feel desirable or desired.

So if you can address and solve these two major problems for her, there’s a good chance you’re both going to end today feeling connected and satisfied with whatever the outcome. So let’s deal with them one at a time. 

She’s tired:

I don’t know what her day was like, but she just may not feel like she has the extra energy for sex tonight. She could be physically exhausted from the demands of the day or she could be emotionally and mentally exhausted. Because sex for women is not just about the physical, she needs to have that extra reserve of emotional and mental energy to tap into if she’s going to do this thing. So help her. 

Tell her to go take some time for herself. Ask her what would help her feel rejuvenated. A bath? A Target trip? A solo run around the neighborhood? A 30 minute Netflix binge? What is it that would help her let go of some of the stressors of the day so she’d have some energy left for you. 

This is going to require something of you. You are going to have to handle her responsibilities while she takes this time. You put the kids to bed or feed them dinner. You entertain them with a board game while Mom has her alone time. This may not be easy, but keep your eye on the prize. If you want your wife to have the physical, emotional and mental energy for sex, you need to help her get there. And that takes more than a five minute “back rub” before the main event. Bonus points if you let her know in the morning that you are going to give her some special alone time and you’re looking forward to having some special together time. If she knows to reserve that energy for you, it helps her plan her day. And there is genuinely nothing more sexy than a man competently caring for his kids and handling his home with pride. The time you give her to rejuvenate is about more than just time. It’s about you prioritizing her needs, telling her that she matters to you, making her feel seen, known and appreciated. 

She doesn’t feel desired or desirable: 

I’m going to be real with you— your wife knows she doesn’t look the way she did when you married her. She is keenly aware of that. If you come home and she’s wearing the same outfit she slept in last night, she’s not necessarily proud of that choice. She does not feel like the kind of person this world says men like to have sex with. And usually that’s okay because she’s not out there trying to be sexually provocative to the world. But if YOU want to have sex with her, you need to convince her that you find her desirable just as she is. 

I know that maybe she’s gained some weight over the years. I know she’s not wearing the outfits that used to make you crazy. I know sometimes you feel sad that she’s doing the “mom bun” for the fifth day in a row and you know it’s probably been that long since she showered. I know you might like to have a conversation with her about prioritizing herself and taking care of her body the way she used to. Maybe there’s a motivational speech involved about how you guys could start an exercise plan together or how you’d like to buy her some new clothes. Maybe that seems like showing care and concern for your wife. 

But if you want to get laid tonight, TODAY IS NOT THE DAY FOR THAT CONVERSATION. 

Save that speech for a day you aren’t interested in getting laid, because no matter how sweetly you phrase it, she’s going to feel it as a critique and it will NOT MAKE HER FEEL SEXY. If a woman doesn’t feel sexy, she doesn’t want to have sex. If she thinks the only unconditional acceptance she gets is from her yoga pants, she’s not going to want to take them off. 

It’s your job to remind her that no matter how much she looks like a mom to the rest of the world, to you, she is your lover. If you treat her like she’s the bombshell of your dreams, she might just behave like the bombshell of your dreams. If you tell her you love to see her naked, she might feel a whole lot better about getting naked. 

Confession: We don’t care if you’re being honest. We know there are more attractive women out there in the world. We aren’t asking how we measure up. We just need to know you still want what we’ve got. Put your hands on our face when you kiss us as you get home from work. Or put your hands in our back pockets. Give us that intensity when you show us affection. Nod approvingly when you look us over. We don’t care how you actually feel about our physical beauty. If she asks you how she looks, she is not actually asking for an honest fashion critique. If she wanted that, she’d just text a picture of herself to her best friend. From you, she just needs to know you like what you see. Nothing else matters. 

Listen, if you don’t want to get laid tonight, that’s fine. We all have those days. If you feel you need to be 100% honest with your wife about her current physical beauty or you feel like it’s too much to ask for you to give her some downtime before you ask her for sex, just don’t be surprised if you get turned down tonight. I’ve done my best to help, but the rest is up to you. 

I’m going to be real with you— your wife knows she doesn’t look the way she did when you married her. She is keenly aware of that. If you come home and she’s wearing the same outfit she slept in last night, she’s not necessarily proud of that choice. She does not feel like the kind of person this world says men like to have sex with. And usually that’s okay because she’s not out there trying to be sexually provocative to the world. But if YOU want to have sex with her, you need to convince her that you find her desirable just as she is.

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