Every woman needs a fan club. 

For when your mind whispers you aren’t good enough, friends knock it down and declare you are, in fact, more than enough

And by fan club I mean friends. Like actual, human women who know, love, and support you. The problem is making new friends as a grown woman is nearly impossible. It requires a lottime, effort, and honesty. 

Time. All moms know time is not always on their side. Work, activities, meal prep, and cleaning are just some of what each day requires. Who has the time to chat with an unfamiliar face? I mean, we could stay home? The kids could just play in their own rooms? Who really wants small talk?

Effort. Playdates are a good starting place to make a new friend, but it requires effort.

Making the plan. Showing up. And not scaring away said potential new friend by acting like a moron or saying something off-color. Not looking like a homeless person. And if this playdate is at your own home, making sure it doesn’t look like a forest troll has taken up residence. 

RELATED: Life is Too Short for Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

Honesty. We all want to keep up appearances. I am not struggling. I am not sad. My marriage is not in a hard place. Whatever it is, these aren’t the typical new friend conversations. So we skim the surface and make happy small talk. Then we return to our messy lives and wonder why we took the time and effort to basically let our kids live their best lives. 

I have miraculously hung on to the same playdate friends for a few years. Years, people! And a few times, I have allowed myself to really open up. But it’s easier to stay on the positive and bask in the glory of having actual adult interaction. 

Then there was the thought . . . what if I REALLY opened up to these women?

What if I told them what was really going on in my life? How would they react? Would I feel stupid? Would they gossip later? 

But then I reassured myself these surface friends had become more. And I shared. And I listened as they began to share, too. 

RELATED: Dear Mama: Find Your Person

Over the course of the years, we have met for the kids, something has shifted. The time I once thought wasted. The effort I once thought pointless. The pride that held my honesty hostage. It all made sense now. 

These women had become my friends. No, not like we-have-a-playdate friends. But the kind who have pushed me through my deepest fears and shown up in the most magical ways when I needed them most.

They have seen me at my worst. And I’m OK with it. 

None of thisnone of thiswould have ever happened if the floodgates would have held tight. 

We could have just stayed the course like the majority of adult friendships. We could have continued to look our best before heading over to each other’s homes. We could have chosen our topics more carefully. We could have. But we didn’t. And now we have become each other’s biggest fans. No judgment. No pretense.

RELATED: To the Friends Who Stay—Thank You

Now, you may be sitting alone thinking this could never happen to you. But I’m here to tell you I was there. I truly believed I wasn’t worthy of someone else’s time, effort, and honesty. I turned down countless playdates because of this way of thinking. It was only when I showed up time and time again that the relationships were able to form.

It takes time. It takes effort. And most of all it takes a leap of faith that you can share yourself honestly with another human. You might be surprised what comes back your way. You might even end up with your own fan club. 

Previously published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Rose Howes

Rose is a wife and mom of three. Retired (for now) from teaching, she has found time to do more of what she loves: writing, photography, and spending time outside in the beautiful Tampa sunshine. This mom is on a mission to find her happiness and spread joy to others along the way! Follow along at www.rosebloomblog.com or Rose Bloom Blog on Facebook.

I’m the Friend Who Flakes Out Sometimes—Thanks for Loving Me Anyway

In: Friendship, Living
Smiling women with arms around each other

I recently read a quote that said, “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” It resonated. Not because I don’t love my friends. I do. Fiercely. Wholeheartedly. But, I’m that friend. You know the one . . . the last commit, the first to leave. The one who chooses option C when everyone else chooses options A or B. The one who doesn’t initiate the plans. And struggles to show up to the ones that are made even though they are with the people closest to my heart. The one who politely declines opportunities for reasons that are sometimes driven solely...

Keep Reading

Here’s to the Friends Who Don’t Hide Their Messy Parts

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Two women sit in a field with arms around each other

To the friend who invited me over without picking her house up beforehand . . . thank you.  You had no way of knowing, but I’ve been especially weighed down by the feeling of “I can’t keep up” lately—and when I walked into your beautiful home and saw dishes in the sink and laundry scattered here and there, I let out the deepest exhale I didn’t even realize I was holding in.  Because seeing your mess? Your less-than-perfect? It didn’t make me think any differently of you, but it did allow me to give myself the grace I desperately needed....

Keep Reading

I Didn’t Know How Much I Needed Other Mothers

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Two mom friends smiling at each other

I read somewhere the other day that when a child is born, a parent is too. In my first few months being a mother, I’m learning just how odd that sentiment is. In an instant, I became someone new. Not only that, but I became part of a group I didn’t realize existed. That sounds wrong. Of course, mothers existed. But this community of mothers? I had no idea. It took us a long time to get where we are today. Throughout our journey with infertility, I knew in my heart I was meant to be a mother. I knew that...

Keep Reading

Please Don’t Tell a Couple Trying to Conceive to Just Relax

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Black-and-white photo of medical supplies

This is a plea. A plea to those who know someone who is struggling with infertility. So, if you’re reading this, this is directed right to you. Please, for the love of everything, when someone tells you they are struggling to conceive, do not tell them to “just relax.” I know it’s the cliche, default term most blurt out because they don’t know what else to say. It’s awkward to discuss for some. I’m 10000% positive it is coming from a good place and is meant to be calming and reassuring, and you really do believe it’s true because a...

Keep Reading

That Mom at the Playground Could Become Your Best Friend

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Young mother sitting on bench looking at playground

I didn’t realize I was that mom at the playground. That mom who always smiles at the other moms even if she doesn’t know them. That mom who often makes small talk while she pushes her toddler on the swings. That mom who strikes up a conversation while sitting on the bench watching her older kid play. That mom who can often tell whether you are interested in talking to her or not. And if you don’t seem interested, that’s okay. Because maybe you’re preoccupied with other things going on in your life right now. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with the...

Keep Reading

Mean Girls Aren’t Like the Ones You See In Movies

In: Friendship
Woman whispering in another woman's ear

Mean girls aren’t like Regina George. If they were, it would be easy to know to stay away from them. Not all mean girls are wealthy, image-conscious, stick-thin blondes. They also don’t always have the reputation of being “mean girls.” The problem is that mean girls are way worse than Regina George because they don’t look like mean girls. Mean girls can be your “friends.” Mean girls know how to gain and betray your trust. They are the girls who, on a rough day, ask you what’s going on not because they care about you, but so they can have...

Keep Reading

To the Mom in the Trenches, I’ll Come Back for You

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mother sitting on bed holding one twin while the other crawls nearby, black-and-white photo

Your hair is in a messy bun for the sixth day in a row. You’re trudging to work sniffling because with all the germs your kids bring home from daycare, you just can’t seem to recover. You haven’t had a date night in four months, or has it been five? You stare blankly across the table at your spouse, his lips are moving but your brain can’t quite compute what he’s saying because the baby was up at least 10 times last night. You are just so tired. On top of this, we add in holidays. A time of year...

Keep Reading

6 Ways to Be a Friend to Someone Grieving

In: Friendship, Grief, Loss
Friends hugging

Grief can truly be such a lonely experience after you lose a loved one. The loneliness isn’t necessarily because you don’t have anyone around you. It’s because only you had your relationship with the person who died, and it’s hard to find anyone to replace that. I have first-hand experience. My mom died recently and unexpectedly at the age of 62 and I at the age of 34, and it single-handedly has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. However, having support from family and friends will help you navigate this difficult time. Without it, the loneliness...

Keep Reading

I’m the Hostess without the Mostest, but Who Cares?

In: Friendship, Living
Kitchen island with bowls of snacks, color photo

I wasn’t born a hostess. The idea of inviting people over to my home, whether planned in advance or on a whim, isn’t a natural inclination of mine. In fact, knowing people are coming over usually fills me with a sense of dread and wet underarms. The predictable swarm of anxious questions would buzz into my ear while I frenzy cleaned: Oh my gosh, what if the house has a weird smell I’m not aware of? How the heck do you style a charcuterie board? Why did I think it’d be easy? What if the house looks too messy? Or,...

Keep Reading

Why Does It Feel Like Everyone Else Is Doing It All and I Can’t Keep Up?

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Laundry basket with clothes on couch

I’m doing laundry today and as I sort and fold, I can’t stop my thoughts from going to an anonymous post I saw on a community moms page earlier this week. It went something like . . . “How are you ladies doing it? Really? I can’t keep up on the laundry, let alone everything else in the house. I’m working, but money is still tight and I’m a mess constantly pulled between home and work needs. My husband and I are struggling in our marriage. I am often counted on as a caregiver/helper to my parents, which I’m happy...

Keep Reading