Ladies, if I can offer one piece of advice from the world of motherhood, it is this: find your person.

Not the cutest diaper bag. Not the sleekest car or the fanciest preschool. Not the car seat that is also a stroller that is also a high chair that is also a jet pack.

Find the person who will come over and hold your baby when all you need is a shower and a nap.

Find the person who will talk you off the ledge when you’re convinced you’re doing it all wrong.

Find the person who will comfort you and not judge you when you’ve had it UP TO HERE with your spouse leaving his underwear right beside the hamper instead of in it.

Find the person who your teenager can call when she has a problem she’s not yet ready to discuss with you.

Find the person who is ready to drop everything for queso and margaritas after a hard day, no questions asked.

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Find the person that is willing to have hard conversations with you. Who doesn’t shy away from being honest with you, even when it hurts.

Find the person who tells you she’s coming over, and even when your house is a wreck, you don’t hesitate—because you know that she doesn’t care . . . and neither do you.

When things get tough, it’s easy to retreat inward. To let loneliness take hold. To try to solve big problems on your own. But this isn’t the way. Raising children is hard work, and it really does take a village.

Spouses are wonderful gifts, but sometimes, a girl needs her best friend.

Motherhood isn’t meant to traverse alone. It’s not meant to be lived in isolation. It requires you to cleave to those who love and support you. It’s messy and it’s hard and it’s wonderful and it’s insane—and it’s meant to be shared.

This post originally appeared on Momstrosity

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With 9 kids (and counting) between the two of them, next door neighbors Stephanie Hollifield and Eliza Morrill know that mommin' ain't easy. Their blog and website, Momstrosity, aims to unite parents with stories of positivity and humor.