Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

I stand alone. I always have (and it seems I always will).

I am not the girl with a lot of friends or even a few best friends. I am the friend who others have until someone or something better comes along. I cannot tell you why this is, it just is this way. I have tried being myself, and I have tried becoming someone else to keep the friends I’ve had, but it hasn’t seemed to matter much because here I am, standing alone.

I watch as my coworkers go out together for social outings. I hear them relish in the fun they had together last weekend. I sit silently as they recount the enjoyment they had and plan the next adventure together. All the while, I withdraw further inside myself for fear that if I expose my vulnerability, I will shatter from their neglect. 

RELATED: What if I’m Just Not Meant to Have “Ride or Die” Friends?

Many times I thought I had been accepted, only to find out I missed out on a celebration that others around me were invited to attend. Was I forgotten? Was I overlooked? Was I ignored?

Either way, I missed out, and that’s really all that matters to me. The cycle of rejection continues so I end up alone.

I’ve wondered why I struggle in this way. I’ve wrestled with this conflict my whole life. I hate that I only get invited to events if I’m the one who plans them. Even as a kid, I would ask my mom why it was that I didn’t get invited, why I was always excluded? She used to tell me it was because I was “mature” and “responsible,” so everyone just expected me to plan the event. Mature and responsible—in reality, that meant dull and boring. No one wants to invite someone who is dull and boring. And I guess I am. So I stand alone.

RELATED: I’m the Forgettable Friend

I get angry that I am forgotten or purposefully ignored. But I get more angry that I let it bother me. I don’t want it to bother me. I want to be able to forget about them as easily as they seem to forget about me. But I can’t. I am easily wounded by their disregard. Every time I hear I’ve been excluded, I get knocked down with disappointment. But after too much striving, I endeavor to get back up so I can stand alone once again.

After a lifetime of frustration, I’ve realized this recovery takes more strength than I thought I had. But, I’ve realized I am a warrior, and I do have the strength. I desire to be accepted and included so much, yet I have survived on my own. I realize I don’t NEED others’ friendships or acceptance to keep me going and bring me fulfillment.

I can, indeed, stand alone.

I have the support of my family, the love of my husband, and the adoration of my 1-year-old. I have the talents, skills, and passions God gave me at my disposal to build me up. I can rely on God’s love and favor regardless of my circumstances, and none of this depends on my acceptance by others. I will continue to be struck down by disappointment from being excluded, but I will continue to overcome so I can get back up to stand alone.

RELATED: A Good Friend Doesn’t Make You Question Where You Stand With Her

In time, I hope I find enough strength to support others in their struggle, as they likewise stand alone. Because if we stand alone, then we really stand together in solidarity through our struggle. Together, we can not be defeated. Together, we will prevail. So, stand up and stand alone proudly. This is who we are. We are lone warriors.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Rachel Meeker

I am married with two sons and lots of fur babies. I love animals and wildlife. I'm a self-proclaimed mental health advocate who wants to break down the stigma surrounding mental illness. I love the Lord and am so thankful for His work in my life. I would like to share my journey with you, so come join me in my trials and triumphs. 

Winter Can be Lonely; Please Check In On Your Friends

In: Friendship, Living
Winter street

Winter can be hard for a mom.  In the summer months, she often sends her kids outside, the warm sun beaming down and the windows wedged open as she listens to everyone run around the backyard.  She cherishes the opportunity to gather everybody for walks in the springtime, bright tulips peeking through, whenever the weather is nice.  Autumn offers respite with its crisp leaves and bearable temperatures.  But winter? Sometimes winter is hard. RELATED: The Lonely I’m Hiding Is Heavy Though beautiful, winter can feel like a ceaseless parade of dark nights. Winter can feel like isolation.  Winter can feel...

Keep Reading

Some People Will Misjudge You; Let Them

In: Friendship, Living
Woman on beach with arms up

Have you ever seen a simple phrase but felt like it was impossible?  “Let them . . .” This is a phrase I’ve seen in many places. It doesn’t matter where it is found, overall it means the same thing. If you’re like me, then you struggle with it. It’s an everyday battle. Heck, it’s an hourly battle sometimes. You can say over and over that it doesn’t matter. Their thoughts don’t matter. Their opinions don’t matter. Their get-togethers don’t matter. Their talking behind your back doesn’t matter. Their choices don’t matter. It doesn’t matter what the case is—it is...

Keep Reading

Every Type A Needs a Type B Person in Their Life

In: Friendship, Living, Marriage
Friends smiling

I spend a lot of time making lists, whether they are in my head, written on a piece of paper, or on my phone and laptop. Lists about what needs to be done today, later this week, or even a few months down the road. Even when I check off all the items on my list, more things pop up. There are always things demanding my attention. Initially, I thought having a list—or multiple lists—was a good thing. I felt organized and in charge of things. But when the lists started creeping their way into other facets of my life,...

Keep Reading

That Girls’ Trip Sounds Fun, but…

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Three friends laughing

To my friends who I used to spontaneously have gatherings with, book a trip last minute with, and have endless energy to entertain: my life is in the most chaotic state it’s ever been because . . . well . . . three kids. Not that I have to justify my actions, decisions, or priorities to anyone. But when I say “I need to check my calendar,” it’s because I don’t want to let you down.  I don’t use my phone calendar. I have a physical calendar I have to find. I have to check my husband’s work schedule (and...

Keep Reading

Please Let This Be the Year His Classmates Come to His Birthday Party

In: Friendship, Kids, Motherhood
Boy blowing out candles on cake

I’m a proud mother of three pretty amazing kids, one of whom has special needs. My son is your “typical” middle child. A wild, rambunctious little boy sandwiched between his older and somewhat quieter sister and his younger, easy-to-love brother. To look at him, you’d never know that G has special needs. But spend any amount of time in his presence, especially when he’s around other people, and it becomes obvious pretty quickly that he’s “different.” He’s been diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and anxiety, and is currently being evaluated for autism. He can’t be still, his...

Keep Reading

Even When It’s Right, Walking Away Hurts

In: Friendship, Living
Woman looking off to side

It’s a weird thing, mourning the living. It’s like your brain just can’t quite wrap itself around the process the same way it does when someone passes away. Choosing to walk away from a relationship begins a long, often confusing, process of mourning. Even if you know deep in your heart of hearts that putting space between you and that person was necessary and good, the mourning process that follows is a hard road marked with doubt and second-guessing. Should I have said that? What if I had just done xyz? Should I have given more time? These questions come haunting. Sometimes...

Keep Reading

I Wish I Knew How to Get a Seat at the Table

In: Friendship, Living
Woman sitting on floor alone

I was raised to believe I deserved a seat at any table where I wished to be seated. Sadly, the world may not look at my place the same way as my mother. I have found myself at many tables. Work tables. Friend tables. Service tables. And many times I have felt like I did not belong. Like no one wants me there. Like I have to fight to keep my seat. RELATED: It’s Lonely Being the B-List Friend I am confused. What is it about me that makes others want to exclude me? Why do I have to fight...

Keep Reading

Dear Moms, Encourage One Another

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Family standing on bridge, color photo

I stood on Millennium Bridge in the center of London with my family of five. Desperate to record this significant memory in this iconic spot, I stretched my short arm as far as I could. I wanted to have some physical memento of this memorable moment with my three children. As I craned and struggled to take the selfie, a mom walked by and simply asked if she could take the picture for me. I gladly acquiesced, and what resulted was the perfect family picture–all children looking in the same general direction, Tower Bridge and the London skyline in the...

Keep Reading

8 Strategies to Get Out of the Lonely Mom Funk

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Mother holding baby looking out window

Ever since 2020 hit, a lot of moms have found themselves isolated more than ever. The old saying, “it takes a village” suddenly didn’t seem to apply the same way anymore. In many circumstances with social distancing and quarantining, it couldn’t.  None of us were able to sail through the past couple of years unscathed. Sure, we were all in different boats, the waves may have hit some harder than others. But we all experienced the waves, we all experienced a change in direction. Many moms were already feeling isolated before setting sail.   Isolation. The meaning of this word changes once...

Keep Reading

Moving Away from Family and Friends Made Us Stronger

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Family photo of parents and three children, black-and-white

In the fall of 2021, my husband and I started exploring the idea of moving out of the Midwest. We had talked about moving for years, especially during the winter months, but we didn’t know where we wanted to move. I distinctly remember asking my husband one week what he wanted to do with the kids over the weekend, and that’s where it all started. We looked at job opportunities and decided to fly to Kentucky the next day and explore the area. After we visited Kentucky, we felt defeated. It didn’t feel right. We wanted it to work, but...

Keep Reading