To the women who feels left out or less than,

The one who has been betrayed, cut out, or un-friended—

Here’s what I want you to know: it probably isn’t your fault.

I know—it sounds crazy, right?

But so often this heartwrenching un-friending has far more to do with the betrayer than it does the one who is betrayed.

In fact, it may have little to do with you at all.

And you probably feel like it is ALL about you. In the midst of this aching place, the pangs of loneliness beckon your attention. They call out to you reminding you of every flaw that contributes to who you are. The voice of abandonment echoes begging you to give in to those less-than feelings—telling you of every failure and misstep along the way that has brought you to this place.

It must be you, at least that’s what the hurt holds to. It must be you.

But sister, maybe it isn’t.

Maybe those voices speak lies, ones that are intended to drag you down and not let you back up.

Because so often that invite that never comes (while the rest of the world gets invited) speaks loud and clear about the one who sends the invitation but it says nothing of your heart.

So often those actions that seem to speak about you—they’re actually about them.

And maybe, just maybe there is a whole storyline playing out in their heart and life you cannot see, and it would all make a lot more sense if you could.

This is the place where who you are shines bright. You now have the opportunity to make right for the world the ways in which you have been wronged. You get to be the inviter and includer. You get to be the friend to the friendless. You get to be the giver of extra grace. You get to stay kind—even here where you feel you have been given the greatest unkindness.

So NO—you are not less than.

You are not unworthy.

You are not composed of your missteps and mistakes.

And maybe, just maybe it’s not about you at all.

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Life is Too Short For Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

It’s OK To Have Loved and Lost Friends

I Don’t Have Many Friends, But I Have True Friendship