Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

Long before two pink lines ever showed up on a home pregnancy test, I had already spent hours upon hours dreaming about what kind of mom I would be. And once that positive test finally did arrive, it was even easier to envision what life would be like once that sweet babe arrived.

But as I quickly discovered, all my best-laid plans went right out the window as soon as they placed that crying baby on my chest.

The dream: Breast is best! I will breastfeed exclusively for at least a year.

The reality: I was supplementing with formula within a few days of having my first child, had supply issues with both kids, and spent way too much time those first years feeling like a failure.

The dream: I will find 100 percent complete fulfillment in motherhood. I have waited, and prayed, and hoped, and dreamed, and finally, it is my turn to be a mother. And it is going to be wonderful . . . every last second of it!

RELATED: I Didn’t Enjoy Every Moment, But I Loved the Season

The reality: There are many days when motherhood is completely depleting, exhausting, and I feel as though I am barely making it through. I count down the minutes until bedtime and wonder what life on a deserted island would be like.

The dream: I will buy a jogging stroller, become a jogger, and lose all the baby weight. Easy peasy!

The reality: I never have been, nor will I probably ever be, a jogger. And five years after my last pregnancy, I’m still packing around extra pounds.

The dream: Since I will probably be staying-at-home, I will have loads of extra time to puree the vegetables I will grow in my own garden. I will have my freezer stocked with cubes of homemade baby food.

The reality: I should have bought stock in Gerber when my kids were babies. The only things I kept an abundant supply of in my freezer were frozen meals that only required me to preheat the oven. Loads of extra time? Ha!

The dream: I will never be one of those moms who yell. I will have all the patience in the world.

The reality: There are some days when on a scale of 1 to 10, my patience is -50. I lose my crap. I yell. I feel terrible after and vow to never yell again. Guess how well that works out?

The dream: I will have several children. The more the merrier, I say!

The reality: Being a mom is ridiculously hard. Some days I feel like I can barely handle two kids. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have any more.

RELATED: I Wanted a Big Family —But I’ve Reached My Mothering Limit

The dream: I will never be one of those moms who has kids and then puts their friendships on a back burner. Having a baby won’t change any of my relationships.

The reality: Eight years into motherhood, I still struggle with staying in touch with friends, whom I love dearly. Parenting is time-consuming, and it is hard to balance it all.

The dream: My kids will have well-balanced diets with plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. They will only have candy on special occasions, and I will watch their daily sugar intake like a hawk.

The reality: There are some days my kids have well-balanced diets. And there are other days when I am extremely thankful for their gummy multi-vitamin. Mac and Cheese and frozen chicken nuggets are welcome in this house. My kids love candy (and probably eat too much of it) and they only mildly tolerate vegetables.

The picture of the mom I wanted to be has faded over the years as the reality of the mom I actually am has taken her place.

But here is the miracle in all of the mess . . . 

God knew what kind of mom I would be.

He knew I would screw up. Like a lot. He knew I would not be able to live up to my self-imposed ideals of what motherhood should look like. He knew I would suffer from guilt and question my parenting decisions. He knew I would give my kids way too much candy, and he knew they probably wouldn’t eat enough vegetables. He knew I wouldn’t be a perfect parent. And yet, He gave me these two precious humans anyway.

RELATED: God Doesn’t Ask Me To Be a Perfect Mom; He Asks Me To Point My Kids to a Perfect Savior

Because He knew other things about me . . . 

He knew I would l love them with all my heart.

He knew I would put my family first.

He knew I would try my very best.

He knew I would ask for forgiveness.

He knew I would give it my all.

And He knew He would be there for me every step of the way.

And those are the things that matter in the end.

So mama, if you feel like you are failing your kids, or if you wish you hadn’t yelled so much today, or if your kids just got done eating Twizzlers for breakfast . . . if you are drowning under the weight of trying to be the perfect mom, please remember . . .

God knew we would never be perfect or even close to it.

And He gave us these sweet babies anyway.

Because He knew, above everything else, we were meant to be moms.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Mary Ann Blair

Mary Ann Blair is a stay-at-home mom living in the Pacific Northwest with her two little gentlemen and hubs. She loves connecting with other parents who like to keep it real! Her work has been published on Her View From Home, Motherly, A Fine Parent, Perfection Pending, That’s Inappropriate, Pregnant Chicken, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Red Tricycle and in Chicken Soup For the Soul. She can be found at maryannblair.com or on Facebook at Mary Ann Blair, Writer.

Going to Church with Kids is Hard but We’ll Keep Showing Up

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding young daughter in church

Going to church is hard with young kids. It used to be something I looked forward to. It’s something I’ve always valued deeply and needed desperately. It’s the one place that will always be home regardless of what location or building it’s in or what people attend. Church is my sanctuary. But it’s become a battle with the kids’ resistance, my tired mind and body, and my lack of ability to actually listen to the sermon. Going to church is hard with young kids. It’s become normal for me to lie down in bed on Saturday night thinking, with dread,...

Keep Reading

I’m Praying for My Teenager in These Challenging Years

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy holding a smartphone and wearing headphones

In my mid-40s, I began to long for a baby. We didn’t get much encouragement from friends and family. My husband is a high-functioning quadriplegic, and I was considered way too old to start a family. But our marriage was stable, we were used to obstacles, we were financially prepared, emotionally experienced, and our careers were established. I began to paint my own sublime mental portrait of parenting tranquility. What could go wrong? At 48, I delivered a healthy baby boy, and he was perfect. We adored him. The baby we had longed for and prayed for, we had. And...

Keep Reading

When Motherhood Feels Like a Limitation

In: Faith, Motherhood
Ruth Chou Simons holding book

Twenty-one years ago, my husband Troy and I welcomed our first son into the world. Two years later, I gave birth to another boy. And again two years later, and again two years after that. A fifth boy joined our family another two years later, and a final son was born 11 years after we began our parenting journey. If you were counting, you’re not mistaken—that’s six sons in just over a decade. We were overjoyed and more than a little exhausted. I remember feeling frustrated with the limitations of the little years with young children when I was a...

Keep Reading

Jesus Meets Me in the Pew

In: Faith
Woman sitting in church pew

I entered the church sanctuary a woman with a hurting and heavy heart. Too many worries on my mind, some unkind words spoken at home, and not enough love wrapped around my shoulders were getting the best of me. What I longed to find was Jesus in a rocking chair, extending His arms to me, welcoming me into his lap, and inviting me to exhaust myself into Him. I sought out an empty pew where I could hide in anonymity, where I could read my bulletin if I didn’t feel like listening to the announcements, sing if I felt up...

Keep Reading

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Holding older woman's hand

She left this world with an endless faith while mine became broken and shattered. She taught me to believe in God’s love and his faithfulness. But in losing her, I couldn’t feel it so I believed it to be nonexistent. I felt alone in ways like I’d never known before. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like He had abandoned my mother and betrayed me by taking her too soon. He didn’t feel near the brokenhearted. He felt invisible and unreal. The day my mother died I felt alone and faithless while still clinging to her belief of heaven....

Keep Reading

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Sad woman with hands on face

Everyone knows there is a time to be born and a time to die. We expect both of those unavoidable events in our lives, but we don’t expect them to come just 1342 days apart. For my baby daughter, cancer decided that the number of her days would be so many fewer than the hopeful expectation my heart held as her mama. I had dreams that began the moment the two pink lines faintly appeared on the early morning pregnancy test. I had hopes that grew with every sneak peek provided during my many routine ultrasounds. I had formed a...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids
Little girl reading from Bible

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

In: Faith, Living
Woman wrapped in a blanket standing by water

As a brand-new, born-again, un-churched Christian fresh in my new faith with zero knowledge of the Bible, I am steaming, hissing mad when I first read these words from Luke 10:38-42: “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

In: Faith, Living
Woman with flowers in field

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I was scared of people, of speaking, and even of being looked at. As I got older, I worried about everything. I was aware of the physical impact that stress and worry have on our bodies and our mental health, but I couldn’t break the cycle. I declined invitations and stuck with what I knew. Then we had a child who knew no fear. The person I needed to protect and nurture was vulnerable. There was danger in everything. It got worse. He grew older and more independent. He became a...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading