How My View of Self is Impacting My Daughter

Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

She is beautiful with her wide dark eyes, hair that falls to her waist in golden hues. She is baby and girl still twined into one. She explores life like a locomotive, but stops to smell every flower. I am in awe that she is my daughter, we run, laugh, play chase, watch the clouds overhead, drink tea, and disappear into books for hours. When she calls for me to catch her, my arms stretch to hold her weight as she catapults herself into my waiting hands. There is no fear that I will miss, she has no sense of my failure. She is completely given to the surety that I will always be there.

I am the mother of a daughter. What she does not realize now is that I will fail, I will miss, I am fallible. Try as I might there will come a day that I do not live up to her hero worship. I watch her grow in this world and I know the pitfalls, the struggles that she will have to walk through. I know that one day she will pinch her stomach and tell me she is fat. One day she’ll cry because a boy has broken her heart. A friend will betray her confidence, and she will fall when she tries to run.

I realized recently, that each time I pull away from my husband, because I am not feeling thin, I am feeding her image of herself. I have long struggled with accepting myself, with being comfortable with how I look. Every time I stretch my skin back from my face and complain that I am ugly, little eyes are staring up at me. I wonder what I’m teaching my daughter if I cannot accept myself as I am. I don’t want any part in helping her hate herself. I’m tired of not liking what I see in the mirror.

I learned long ago that to love myself I must be as perfect as I can be. Instead I have felt like a constant failure, self hatred my only gain. As I am raising my daughter, I find that I am growing up myself. It must be done gently, with love, and here I am teaching myself acceptance. It is not in my jobs well done, but the things to which I give my all. It is not my face that makes me beautiful, but my love of others. It is not being thin that makes me feel good, but loving myself where I am at.

A little face stares up at me, and her hand curves in mine. We laugh and chase after a butterfly, skirts fly in the breeze, and we twirl as I catch her in my arms. My hands cup her face, “You are beautiful,” I whisper. Her eyes twinkle as she squeezes her arms around my neck. I am beautiful, too, but this I don’t have to tell her, I simply have to know it for myself. It is my knowing that will give her the freedom to believe it of herself. I am raising a girl and in so doing, I am raising myself.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now

So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View Shop

daughter Motherhood

Cherylyn Petersen

Cherylyn Petersen is a certified holistic health coach and mother of three. Through trial and error she’s learned that despite her best efforts, perfection is an illusion. Therefore, she focuses her time on enjoying life and pursuing authenticity. It lends to a messy and joy filled existence, where hearts and connection are the primary goal. When it all gets to be too much, coffee and Jesus are the best help. She shares tips for healthy living and emotional health at her website, http://www.thevitalogist.com/

Dear Child, You Are Not Responsible for How Anyone Else Feels about You

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween

Teen girl looking in the mirror putting on earrings

Dear kiddo, I have so many dreams for you. A million hopes and desires run through my mind every day on a never-ending loop, along with worries and fears, and so, so much prayer. Sometimes, it feels like my happiness is tied with ropes of steel to yours. And yet, the truth is, there are times you disappoint me. You will continue to disappoint me as you grow and make your own choices and take different paths than the ones I have imagined for you. But I’m going to tell you a secret (although I suspect you already know): My...

Keep Reading

Being a Hands-on Dad Matters

In: Kids, Living

I am a hands-on dad. I take pride in spending time with my kids. Last week I took my toddler to the park. He’s two and has recently outgrown peek-a-boo, but nothing gets him laughing like him seeing me pop into the slide to scare him as he goes down. He grew to like this so much that he actually would not go down the slide unless he saw me in his range of vision going down. When it’s time to walk in the parking lot he knows to hold my hand, and he grabs my hand instinctively when he needs help...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love is the Best Medicine

In: Kids, Motherhood

Child lying on couch under blankets, color photo

When my kids are sick, I watch them sleep and see every age they have ever been at once. The sleepless nights with a fussy toddler, the too-hot cheeks of a baby against my own skin, the clean-up duty with my husband at 3 a.m., every restless moment floods my thoughts. I can almost feel the rocking—so much rocking—and hear myself singing the same lullaby until my voice became nothing but a whisper. I can still smell the pink antibiotics in a tiny syringe. Although my babies are now six and nine years old, the minute that fever spikes, they...

Keep Reading

Right Now I’m a Mom Who’s Not Ready to Let Go

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood

Mother and daughter hugging, color photo

We’re doing it. We’re applying, touring, and submitting pre-school applications. It feels a lot like my college application days, and there’s this image in my mind of how fast that day will come with my sweet girl once she enters the school doors. It’s a bizarre place to be because if I’m honest, I know it’s time to let her go, but my heart is screaming, “I’m not ready yet!” She’s four now though. Four years have flown by, and I don’t know how it happened. She can put her own clothes on and take herself to the bathroom. She...

Keep Reading

Each Child You Raise is Unique

In: Kids, Motherhood

Three little boys under a blanket, black-and-white photo

The hardest part about raising children? Well, there’s a lot, but to me, one major thing is that they are all completely different than one another. Nothing is the same. Like anything. Ever. Your first comes and you basically grow up with them, you learn through your mistakes as well as your triumphs. They go to all the parties with you, restaurants, sporting events, traveling—they just fit into your life. You learn the dos and don’ts, but your life doesn’t change as much as you thought. You start to think Wow! This was easy, let’s have another. RELATED: Isn’t Parenting...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood

Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood

Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen

Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood

Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading