Dear husband,

Do you know how much I love you?  

When the days are long and the workload is heavy. When you take your boots off and walk through the door. When you are tired and weary. You give me a kiss and put a smile on your face, for our boys who can’t wait to see you. I watch you, and I can’t help but feel blessed. I watch you, and I know I made the right choice.

Do you know how much I love you?  

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When we fight and can’t seem to find our way. When the hours are long and the hurt is heavy. When the words come out, and the tears begin to flow. When we feel spent, and one of us resides on the couch because we just can’t seem to figure it out.

Do you know how much I love you . . . even then? 

That I think about you and still adore you? That my heart breaks, not because I want to feel right, but because I want things to be right between us. That I am angry with you, but I still desire you and long for us to be close again. For our hearts to be reunited and for things to feel OK. For the peace to flow. 

Do you know how much I love you?  

When your heart is hurting. When you feel broken and don’t know how to hold what you have had to hold. When you carry the heartbreak of what you’ve had to go through, yet you are strongnot just for me, but for our boys. When you can’t make sense of it, yet you still get up on a Sunday and play the drums and pour out your heart. When you still choose joy and all the goodness life has to offer. 

Do you know how much I love you?  

When the days are good and everything we ever wanted.

When we are driving in your truck, boys in tow, just happy to be together. When we laugh and talk, and soak it all in. When we grab a coffee and run to the grocery store with the kidsand it is crazy, chaotic, and messybut it’s the time of our lives. When we get dressed up and go to our favorite restaurant, and we talk well past our meal is over, and there is a glimmer in your eyes and in mine.

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The days are long, but the years are short, and I would rather spend one more day with you than a million without. Even though it’s hard, and messy, and ugly at times.  I would take all of that because that’s how much I love you.  

Kristen Murphy

My name is Kristen Murphy.  My husband and I reside in beautiful Alberta, Canada in a small town.  We have three beautiful children; Ryan, Sarah and Caleb.  On October 4, 2019 our daughter Sarah went to be with Jesus.  My hearts joy is to write about what that has all entailed and to be able to help others walking through loss.