You wanna know what I can’t wait for? I can’t wait for the day that I can wake up next to my husband with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
I can’t wait for the day I can wake up early and get the coffee ready while my husband gets dressed and ready for the day.
I can’t wait for the day I can enjoy a simple breakfast on my patio while the sun rises and the only thing I can smell is the coffee in my cup, the morning dew, my husband’s cologne, and the newspaper.
I can’t wait for the day that I go to work and I’m focused and strong. Where every day is different and productive. I can’t wait for the day I can get off work and come home to a house that is everything I ever wanted. I never planned a wedding as a child, I built my house. Where I can walk in between a long bush of pink flowers on either side of my sidewalk leading up to my blue house with white trim and open my door to fresh pink peonies on the table and vanilla candles everywhere.
I can’t wait for the day I can come home and help my husband cook a relaxing meal while we drink wine and twirl around each other to jazz music. A day we can end with a kiss and a smile and love in our hearts as we drift off to sleep. Where we are happy and comfortable and feel God in our everyday lives, and people look at us and wonder what it is that makes our smiles so different.
I get nervous about realistic love. I see it end all the time. “True love” and “puppy love”, it can all end in a flash.
I went to a wedding recently, and the pastor spoke about marriage, how the bible begins and ends in marriage. It’s supposed to be a part of our lives. But we’ve all grown so cold, cynical and independent that we’ve forgotten that.
And in their vows- they said “I promise to love you when I’m proud of you. And I promise to love you when I’m disappointed in you.”
That struck a real cord with me; love and marriage isn’t about perfection. It isn’t about constant happiness. You marry a person. A real living person. A person who has spent their whole lives messing up and cleaning up their own messes – whether they learn from them or not. Marriage can be blissful, yes. But it’s so important to remember, your husband is going to mess up. Your wife is going to disappoint you. They’re people. Real living learning people. If you remember that, a happy marriage isn’t a fairytale. It takes work, and it takes forgiveness, and it takes patience, every single day.
But it’s possible.
If I’m being completely honest with myself- that’s what I can’t wait for.