Our kids can be our best entertainment. The things they say make us laugh, make us cry, and sometimes highlight the absurdities we don’t question. Little kids have no shame and boundless curiosity. They are learning and reacting. Can we really blame them for saying these things?

HVFH’s readers shared these precious favorites from their homes…

Kids Can Be Precocious

Sometimes they are wise beyond their years or fresh like a stubborn teenager!

Veronica’s daughter already knows the game. She once farted in the doctor’s office waiting room and yelled…

  • Reilly B. (age 4): “Mom, why did you fart?!”

Vanessa was nailed down by her son…

  • Cam F. (age 4): “Mama, where did me and Jack come from? And DON’T tell me God put us in your belly because you and Daddy love each other so much. Really, tell me.”

Nothing gets by Jamie’s daughter who once said in the car…

  • Cora S. (age 3): “Mommy, can you go REALLY fast. You know, like you do when it’s time for nap.”

Christi’s son feels bad for her. As the mom, she is the only girl in a family of three sons and a male dog…

  • Henry T. (age 4): “Mommy, I wish you could pee standing up like me and Daddy.”

Veronica’s daughter tries to run the household.

  • Reilly B. (age 4): “Mom, you can play with us, but only if you do what I say and follow my rules. Okay?”

Kids Can Have The Most Random Conclusions

They will tell you and the whole world that they have it all figured out.

Christi’s son was stacking towers of wood blocks and suddenly looked up at her…

  • Will T. (age 3): “Reading is disgusting.”

Sarah’s daughter is creative. She once demonstrated…

  • Bethany W. (age 4): “Mom I know how to sing like a mermaid,” and gargled water!

Christi’s son shared a non-sequitur from the backseat…

  • Henry T. (age 5): “Mom, I really love stinky smells. Like from farts, poop, and trucks.”

One night, Ellen’s son didn’t like his younger sister telling him to stop talking. He explained that no one is his boss because …

  • Max D. (age 6): “No one can tell me what to do because we live in America, the land of the free!”

Megan’s son decided that a large group of dragonflies were conducting business in his backyard…

  • Dayne P. (age 5) explained: “They are dressed up in their bow ties for the meeting.”

Christi’s son had a realization while making homemade chocolate chip cookies together…

  • Will T. (age 3): “Sugar is amazing!”

Megan’s son goes to a Christian school. He has religion class right after math class…

  • Dayne P. (age 5) declared: “Everyone knows that the Holy Spirit is shaped like a trapezoid.”

Nina says bedtime prayers with her son…

  • Levi C. (age 4): “Dear Father in heaven. Let there be no monsters. Let us fart on them so they go away.”

Kids Ask Great Questions

Sometimes we are stumped. Sometimes we are absolutely mortified.

Jenny’s son asked very loudly, during a quiet point in the church service…

  • Andrew S. (age 2): “Mommy, is that God?” while pointing to the pastor.

Nina’s son asked the Walmart cashier…

  • Levi C. (age 4): “That’s a lot of gum? Why do you need so much of it?”

Nina’s son watched her nurse his 7-week old brother…

  • Levi C. (age 4): “He sure likes that boob! Is chocolate in there?”

Allison’s son just wants to know…

  • Henry M (age 4): “Why do boys have nipples if we can’t nurse babies?”

Ian’s daughter heard him talking about his love of TWIX® candy.

  • Serena B. (age 4): “Can I have a ‘Twick?” thinking that it’s one Twick, two Twicks, etc.

Kids Are Literal

They can totally misunderstand what we think is clear.

Christi once asked her son to calm his baby brother.
Mom: “Sing to him.”

  • Henry T. (age 5): “We. Are. Farmers. Bum ba bum ba bum ba bum.”

Nina’s son tried to comfort his 6-week old brother…

  • Levi C. (age 4): “Sorry I can’t help you. Only Mama got the magic boobs.”

Christi turned around to see her sons were naked at the kitchen table…

  • Mom: “Why are you nude at breakfast?”
    Them (age 3 and age 5): “Because we are tigers.”
    Me: “There’s no nipples at the table.”
    Them: “We can’t take them off!!!!!”

Megan’s son analyzes the movies he loves…

  • Evan P. (age 11): “If Sir Topham Hat was a Star Wars character he would be Sir Topham Hutt”.

Christi actively tries to encourage the love of science.

  • Will T. (age 3): “Meatball!”
    Mom: “No, that’s a picture of Mars.”
    Will: “I love meatballs!!!”

Allison’s son once confusingly asked for dessert…

  • Henry M (age 4): “Can I have sardine after lunch?”
    Mom: “I don’t understand.”
    Henry: “You know, the thing that is like ice cream?”
    Mom: “Oh, sorbet?”
    Henry: “Yes. I’ll have that. Sore beans.”

Kids Lie But Can Also Be Too Honest

Luckily it’s usually easy to tell the difference.

Lyndsey’s son can sometimes ask a million questions in rapid fire succession. After bouncing topics and exhausting her she ran out of answers…

  • Reid H. (age 6): “I wish you were like Siri because she knows everything.”

Jill’s son once came out of his room covered in baby powder…

  • Colin C. (age 4): “A ghost in my closet did it.”

Christi’s son once screamed in Target…

  • Will T. (age 3): “AAAHHHHHHH! Those [headless mannequins] are scary.”
    And he’s right!

Nina’s son can be briefly kind. He said…

  • Levi C. (age 4): “Mama, I’ll share my Mentos with you.”
    Mom: “How nice, thank you!”
    5 minutes later.
    Mom: “May I have one?”
    Levi: “Sorry, I ate your sharing one.”

Christi’s son is overly dramatic in the backseat of the car…

  • Henry T. (age 6): “There’s a hundred nipples on my arm.”
    Mom turning around at the red light: “Those are bug bites. And there are two.”

Vanessa stepped out of the shower…

  • Maddie F. (age 4): “Who painted that butterfly on your butt?” It’s on her back.
    Mom: “Umm, a tattoo artist.”
    Maddie: “I bet you wish it washed off like my face paint.”

Sometimes Christi’s family plays ’80s songs at dinnertime…

  • Henry T. (age 6): “I want to meet Michael Jackson. I love him. ”
    Will T. (age 4) shoots out his arms: “He sings. He dances. He’s the best!”
    Mom glancing at husband: “Even if he were still with us we would not let you meet him.”
    Henry looks down at the table and wistfully mumbles: “I wish Michael Jackson was my dad.”

What have yours said lately?

Christi Terjesen

Christi Terjesen is the mother of three lively boys in New York. She keeps her sanity through daily walks, expensive wine, and good books. Check out her blog, Mental Stimulation for Moms at christiterjesen.com, and her playground blog, longislandplaygrounds.com.