February has me thinking a lot about love and relationships lately.
Relationships are hard.
Everyone longs to be loved.
But more importantly everyone needs to be loved.
My desire to start a family some day is ridiculous. Baby fever like never before!
It hasn’t always been this way though.
The other day a status popped up on my time hop that said “I NEVER want kids.” As I opened it I also saw a comment saying that I never wanted to get married.
Ever since I was little, I have always said I didn’t want to get married or have kids. Looking back I never thought anything of it. However the older I get, the more I desire to be in a relationship and have kids of my own some day.
The more I long for that, the more I ponder why I never wanted it before.
In the past, I never truly thought I was worthy of love. I longed to be loved but never thought of it as a reality for me. Especially growing up in a divorced family, I completely shut off all ideas of someday being married because I didn’t want to follow in those foot steps. I didn’t want that to happen to me and the only way to avoid it is to never put yourself in that situation.
If you can’t love yourself, why would you waste time trying to have someone else love you? That was my thought process for so long. For years, I couldn’t love myself so I didn’t allow or accept others love.
As life has changed drastically through weight loss and life choices the last 4 years, it also came with a lot more self confidence and self love than I ever had before. I learned to love myself more and found myself worthy of loving myself but also allowing others to love me.
I for the first time am accepting the reality that I long to be loved and just as much desire to love others.
The older I get the more I realize that all relationships are hard but avoiding them doesn’t do you any good or make it easier. If you don’t love and accept love, you endure the pain of being alone.
Having loved and been hurt is far better than having never loved.
Love yourself. Love others.
And truly accept others love for you.
You’ll be better for it and you are worth it.