The past couple of years I’ve really been diving deep into who I am and why I am the way that I am. I’ve been learning and exploring these things. I find that I often struggle with perfectionism, and I know I’m not alone. Many people—in fact, a lot of you reading this—have probably dealt with this demon. Is this something you struggle with? You’re not alone and neither am I.
Maybe it’s the way you view your friendships or relationships overall. Maybe it’s the way you parent your children. Maybe it’s the tasks on your to-do list and if they get done on time. Maybe it’s the way you look when you look at yourself in the mirror every day. Maybe it’s the papers and clutter on your desk at work. Maybe it’s all of the above or something else.
Perfectionism can stem from so many things. I believe my struggles, most of the time, deal with many years of being judged for not being perfect. Was there a time in your life that everything was complete chaos? Maybe that’s your cause. Was there a time in your life when you had someone demanding that you were perfect? Maybe that’s your cause. There’s such a thing as desiring for everything to be perfect whether you’re desiring it because you feel like that’s all you can control or because someone had too high of expectations for you.
It’s hard to shake the feeling. It’s hard to let yourself not be perfect. It’s so hard to not let the voices in your head tell you lies. It’s hard to not let every little mistake make you feel like a failure. It’s hard to feel out of control when you so desperately need to feel in control.
The feeling of needing to be perfect or good enough has been a struggle for me for a long, long time. It has caused me a lot of frustration. It has caused me to feel like a poor wife, poor mom, and poor friend. These things are normal.
The part that isn’t normal is when I let these things lie to me. I’ll tell myself I’m not good enough. I’ll tell myself I can do better. I’ll tell myself a hundred other lies. I’m learning to try and heal from these tendencies and lean into God and who He made me to be. I hope if you’re someone who resonated with even one sentence you read that you can do the same. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s okay to not be perfect.