So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

If you are reading this because you are going through infertility, I am so sorry.

It’s one of the toughest things I have been through, and so many people just don’t understand how hard it is.

Since adopting my son and becoming a mom, my infertility no longer bothers me, but I remember the journey to become a mom well. It took 28 months for me to hear the words, “Congratulations, you’re a mom!” When I look back, I have no idea how I got through that time of waiting.

I don’t know how long you’ve been going through your struggle, but I ask you to give yourself a break.

Give yourself a break from the guilt.

Every month, you blame yourself for not getting pregnantsomething that isn’t your fault. 

It’s not something you ate or didn’t eat. 

It’s not an exercise you did or didn’t do.

It’s not because you didn’t sleep enough or too much. 

It’s not something you read about in your Googling of why you aren’t getting pregnant. 

RELATED: Dear Infertility, You Will Not Define Me

Give yourself a break from people who don’t understand.

There are a lot of people who just don’t understand what you are feeling because they’ve never gone through it. 

Maybe someone told you, “It’s not like you’re sick or dying.” No, you aren’t dying physically, but every month that passes crushes your hope, and it feels like your dream of becoming a mom is dying a slow and painful death. 

Maybe someone told you to be thankful for what you have. You know there are many ways you are blessed in life. It’s just you want to be a mom so badly, and you don’t understand why this good thing is being withheld from you.

You can be grateful for good things in life and still grieve things you don’t have.

Maybe someone who doesn’t know how badly you want to be a mom keeps telling you not to wait because you’re not getting any younger. You don’t feel comfortable telling this person all you are going through but wish they knew it wasn’t by choice that you are waiting for your baby.

It’s OK to take a break from people who make your pain worse.

Give yourself a break from painful events related to babies.

RELATED: Infertility – I’m in the 1%

You don’t have to go to every baby shower or baptism you are invited to. A lot of people won’t understand how hard these events are for you. They won’t know about the dread you feel in the weeks leading up to it, your stomach in knots and the tears coming down your face when you think about it. They won’t know you prepare an escape plan in your mind if it’s too painful to be there, so you can quietly slip away without ruining the celebration. There are some people, like family or a very dear friend, who it makes sense to go to these events for. But if you’re invited to one for someone you aren’t super close to, don’t feel guilty about turning down the invitation.

If it is someone you aren’t close enough to feel comfortable sharing your pain with, you don’t owe an explanation other than, “I can’t make it.”

Give yourself a break from shopping in the baby section.

Whether you have an event you are attending or you’re sending a gift in your absence, don’t force yourself to shop in the baby section. It can be unbearably painful to look at all those cute little outfits and cry in the middle of Target as you wonder if you’ll ever be shopping in that section for your own baby. A gift card to a store is just as thoughtful, so the parents can pick out something they still need for their little one.

Give yourself a break from social media.

It can be so hard to hear pregnancy announcements or adoption announcements while you’re wondering if your baby is ever coming. Nowadays with social media, we hear about far more babies on the way because typically we have more connections on social media than people we see in person. It’s OK to take days, weeks, or even months away from social media if it feels like every time you log on, you end up crying because you see it’s someone else’s turn to become a mom while you are still waiting. 

Give yourself a break from trying to put on a happy face all the time.

It can be mentally exhausting to try to get through day after day of pretending everything is OK around people who do not know the sadness you are experiencing. It’s OK to take a day for yourself to just relax at home or do something for yourself. 

RELATED: This is Infertility

Give yourself a break from trying.

No, I’m not saying to give yourself a break from trying because all you need to do is relax to get pregnant as some people may have suggested to you.

I’m saying you deserve a break because it is exhausting to have your life revolve around trying to get pregnant.

Maybe you’ve had many months of blood tests. 

Maybe you are doing fertility charting and are tired of having to track fertility symptoms throughout the day. 

Maybe you are tired of starting your day with either ovulation predictor test strips or pregnancy tests depending on what part of your cycle you are in. 

Maybe you are tired of fertility medicines and their side effects. 

Yes, becoming a mom is so important to you, but you are also an important person who deserves to take care of herself, too. If you need a month (or a few) off from trying so hard, you deserve it.

Kimberly Keys

Kimberly is a stay-at-home Mom to her precious son who joined our family through the miracle of adoption. She loves watching her toddler discover new things, especially when exploring the parks around her hometown of Cleveland, Ohio. Besides being published on Her View From Home, she's also written about her experience from her twelve year IT career for Zapier as a freelance writer for their blog.

Witch, Please! Hocus Pocus 2 Release Date Means the Sanderson Sisters Countdown Is ON

In: Living
Bette Middler in Hocus Pocus 2 on Disney+

“Lock up your children!” screeches Winifred Sanderson (played by Bette Midler) in the teaser trailer for Disney’s long-awaited Hocus Pocus 2 movie. But I say, “Mark your calendars!” Disney revealed the release date for this much-anticipated sequel and I’m happy to report that the Sanderson sisters will be flying above Salem and to your Disney+ stream on September 30th! The countdown is ON! Check out the trailer and get excited! But first, a confession:  I have to be honest, I was 16 when the original Hocus Pocus came out, but for some reason I never saw it until I was...

Keep Reading

Good Dads Make Great Grandpas

In: Grown Children, Living
Grandpa walking with two grandsons, color photo

This is not only written for my dad, but for all the dads out there who aren’t the typical, everyday dads. The hands-on dad, the dad who goes on bike rides, the dad who watches his grandbabies. The dad who creates a legacy whether he realizes it or not. The world needs more of you.  It’s not every day you get a dad who enters a diaper changing contest and comes in second place. Yes, that happened to my dad. He would take me up to the local mall to walk around and one of the stores was holding a...

Keep Reading

Dear Friend, I Don’t Want To Lose You

In: Friendship
Two women smiling, color photo

I’m sorry I don’t text you like I should. I’m sorry I don’t call you like I should. I’m sorry I don’t check in to see how you are. I’m sorry this friendship can feel one-sided at times. I’m sorry I’m so distant. The truth is I’m struggling. I’m struggling with life. I’m struggling with finances. I’m struggling with trying to please everyone and do everything. RELATED: Check on Your “Strong” Friend, She’s Faking it The problem is I try to please everyone—everyone who doesn’t matter. My problem is I’ve gotten so content with our friendship that I know you’ll...

Keep Reading

I Want You To Miss Your Childhood One Day Too

In: Kids, Living
Kids jumping off dock into lake

What I miss the most about childhood is owning my whole heart. Before I gave pieces of it away to others who weren’t always careful with it. And some, who never gave the pieces back. I miss my knowing. My absolute faith that my mother’s arms could fix just about everything and what her arms couldn’t, her cookies could. When my biggest grievance was not getting my way. I miss feeling whole, unblemished. Before words cut me. Before people had taken up space in my mind, created permanent movies that were ugly and still play on repeat at times. Before...

Keep Reading

I Traded My Body for This Full Life

In: Living, Motherhood
Happy family smiling

It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I was cradling my firstborn child—my rainbow baby—tenderly in my arms as she contentedly nursed. I looked down at this beautiful miracle, unable to mirror her blissful content. Six weeks after the birth, I was still feeling like garbage. Being a first-time mom, I figured the fatigue was par for the course. My other symptoms, however, were suspect. Will I see my daughter grow up? were my thoughts as the streams of grief flowed, pooling on her swaddle. At my medical check-up, I brought my concerns to my doctor...

Keep Reading

The Truth is I’m Drowning

In: Living
Woman with hand on face sad

I find myself sinking. Really disappearing. Everyone around me sees me. They see my smile, my involvement, my willingness to please and participate. No one notices how easily I shift between despair and real tears and conforming to what the situation requires of me. Sometimes this shift happens within the matter of minutes.  Not waving, but drowning. I’m on a weight loss journey. The scale told me I am down just over four pounds. And I feel really good about that. I know I have another 15 to 20 to go, but I am four down. I made a promise...

Keep Reading

Older Kids with Special Needs Can Get Overlooked, and it’s Lonely

In: Living, Motherhood
Two hands held together next to a wheelchair, black-and-white photo

Middle school is tough. I have three girls—two of them now teenagers—so I know firsthand how tween insecurities can quickly spiral into friend drama and subtle bullying. I’ve watched my girls get left out and left behind, and we’ve had lots and lots of talks about what it means to be a good friend. And as much as I want to tell you it doesn’t hit differently with my third daughter, I can’t. Because it does. When your tween daughter is in a wheelchair and has endured—and is still enduring—health and physical challenges that would destroy an adult, a mama’s...

Keep Reading

Not All Friendships Are Meant for Forever

In: Friendship
Sad woman looking at phone

There are friends for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. When we embark on a friendship, we have high hopes that those beginning seeds will blossom into forever. But the time and nurturing required of that kind of friendship is reserved for a few, special people who mesh into our souls and lives seamlessly year after year. There are reasons friendships are short-lived, and those are often obvious. Maybe it was to fulfill a need for you—whether physically or emotionally. These relationships are short, usually sweet, and the ending comes as swiftly as it began.  RELATED: Our Friendship Was...

Keep Reading

3 Ways Embracing Technology Makes Me a Better Parent

In: Living, Motherhood
Mom with daughter on phone

As a parent, I am constantly amazed by the wealth of technology my children have access to. Between the various apps, games, social media platforms, and search engines, it’s as if they have the world at their fingertips. Of course, this also presents a problem: Every day, they could spend hours upon hours on their devices.  It’s a dilemma that’s not written in the baby books, and I’ll be honest, it was daunting at first. I had so many questions: Do I limit their screen time? Should I be checking their devices? How do I know if they’re encountering inappropriate...

Keep Reading

Compassion Holds My Heart

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Child hugging mother

I lean my head in through the window of his van. The first thing I notice is the funny smell. Like cigarettes. And maybe body odor. The second? His tired, wrinkle-lined eyes. They’re dull, lethargic even. My daughter scrunches up her nose. I give her that look and try to hide my own misgivings. But Compassion climbs in the car with me.  And as the taxi driver guides the car toward our destination, I ask him about his story. Turns out he’s been driving all night. Till 5:30 this morning. Taking people home who were too drunk to drive themselves....

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime