You’re Not My Baby Anymore

As I look through your baby pictures, it hits me.
It hits me so hard.

You, sweet toddler, are not my baby anymore.

From the moment you were born, you rocked my world.
My heart grew rapidly faster than I could’ve ever imagined possible.

But now, you aren’t going to be the only one.
There’s a new baby that’s going to come into our home.
And sweet toddler, the baby isn’t going to leave. The new baby is going to stay.

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It’s going to change our dynamic, it’s going to change our world. It’s going to rock it a little bit.

I know it’s going to rock you, too.

Because you, my sweet toddler, are all I’ve ever known.

For the past 2.5 years, it’s been you and me taking on the world together.

From the first moment my shaky arms picked you up and held you in my arms.

Learning to breastfeed together.

Worried moments in the middle of the night.

Every colicky cry.

Every warm snuggle.

Learning how to drink from a bottle.

Your first smile.

Your first laugh.

Holding your arms and walking you around the living room for hours while you were determined to learn to walk.

Your first words.

The first time you uttered the word Mama.

Observing those first steps transform into runs.

Laughing hysterically together over the tiniest things. Even when others would stare and wonder what could be so funny.

Healing every sickness.

Learning how to discipline.
Failing.
Loving through failure.

Day-to-day adventures.

Kisses and hugs.

Watching you become your own little person.

Needing me a little less every day.

Sweet toddler, you changed my entire outlook on life.

You reminded me about the beauty within the everyday.
The funny during the mundane.
The love through every imperfection, through every failure.

And now, another baby is coming. And we’re going to have to share this love.
Our love is going to have to expand.

But baby, can you remember something?
You’ll always have a special place in my heart.
You’ll always be my first.

We learned how to do this thing together.

Even though our hearts are going to expand to fit another sweet soul . . . you are the one who changed my life forever.

On the days when you feel unheard, when you feel less than. Because mama is sharing her attention.

I’ll look at you, and I hope you feel it, too.
I hope you feel it deep in your soul.
The days when it was just you and me every day, conquering this world together.

My love for you isn’t going anywhere.

But now, we’re just going to conquer something new together, yet again.
We’re going to learn together how to expand our hearts even more.

But I won’t ever forget the days when it was just you and me.

This post originally appeared on Messy Footprints

 

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