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To my friends who I used to spontaneously have gatherings with, book a trip last minute with, and have endless energy to entertain: my life is in the most chaotic state it’s ever been because . . . well . . . three kids. Not that I have to justify my actions, decisions, or priorities to anyone.

But when I say “I need to check my calendar,” it’s because I don’t want to let you down. 

I don’t use my phone calendar. I have a physical calendar I have to find. I have to check my husband’s work schedule (and in the past mine). I have to type the date in my messages to make sure I didn’t forget to write something down.

RELATED: Dear Friend, I’m Not the Same Now That I’m a Mom But I Still Need You

I have to make sure I can book a plane ticket that won’t cost more than my monthly mortgage payment (and if we have to buy five, sorry, not coming home for the holidays). I have to double-check that my kids don’t have an event. I have to schedule a babysitter. And most importantly, I need everyone involved to say extra prayers to the good Lord that no one spikes a fever or vomits. 

When I say I have to check my calendar it’s not because I don’t want to go.

It’s because I don’t want to commit, or double commit, and then have to bail or chose between two now-committed obligations. I would rather give you a late response than commit and cancel. 

RELATED: Friendship Changes When One of You Has a Baby

So “I’m checking my calendar” means just thatthere is no ranking of friendships or priorities, it doesn’t insinuate that you mean any less to me, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there. It’s to ensure my family is taken care of, a babysitter is booked, and that I’m not letting anyone down. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

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Paige Muller

Mother of three. Nurse practitioner turned stay-at-home mom, homeschool, passive investor. Moving every three months for husband’s job. 

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