If you don’t have your people, life isn’t just hard. It’s impossible.
Without your people—without deep, significant friendships and support—life seems so heavy. My heart hurts for what I’m missing.
I want someone who comes over just to check out my new curtains.
I want someone who takes my side when I have an argument with my mother.
I want someone to go to lunch with just because it’s Tuesday.
I want to text someone a stupid meme so we can laugh our heads off together.
I want to share the mundane, boring things in life and have them mean something to someone.
I want the kind of friendship that brings light and happiness no matter what happens.
And I want to be there for someone just as much as she is there for me.
I hear there’s nothing like a friend to fill your heart. There are such wonderful, uplifting posts out there to celebrate the wonderful people who think we’re great in tye-dyed sweats.
But I don’t have that. I don’t have a best friend or a group of people.
My life feels heavy.
When you have a baby, there’s no one to watch your kids or bring you meals.
When your son is diagnosed with a learning disability, there’s no one to empathize with you.
When you’re stressed out at work by nasty people, there’s no girls’ night to shake it off.
When you need to talk to someone, you have to keep it to yourself.
Without your people, life holds less color and less love. It’s really lonely.
Don’t get me wrong, my family is great. But they live far away, and the support they can give is limited. I need friends. I need my people.
The hard part is I feel like it’s my fault.
I’ve tried so hard to find my people and be the friend and put myself out there, but somehow, I’m still the weird friend who doesn’t get invited anywhere.
Whenever I have a social interaction, I can’t stop thinking about everything I did. Did I say something wrong? Am I pretty enough to be her friend? Did I seem too self-absorbed when I talked about my kids? Was I nice enough? Do I seem like a weirdo? Am I relating well enough? Did I act interested in them? Could she be a good friend? If I called her for something, would it seem awkward?
(Am I the only one who overthinks social situations?)
As much as I pride myself in being fiercely independent, I still crave true friendship.
I ache for a girls’ night, a girls’ trip, lunches, or playdates together for no reason other than we want to share our lives.
The truth is, I’m not OK. I’m not doing well on my own. I’m doing everything I can, yet I feel alone, stressed, and burdened. I’m not living as fully as I can and I feel like there’s nowhere I can turn for help.
I can’t be the only one who hasn’t found her people. I can’t be the only lonely person on this planet. I can’t be the only awkward person out there!
I know there’s so much I’m missing, so I’ll keep searching. I still want friendship for my family, my sanity, and my soul.