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Trigger warning: This post discusses suicide.

I’ve called 988 before. 

It was actually a month ago, and it was my first time ever calling.

I struggle with suicidal ideations, and thoughts like that have been around me for as long as I can remember anything.

I struggle with suicidal ideations, but I don’t have the intention of carrying out anything. Having thoughts like that is exhausting to have.

There’s only been one period of time when I seriously considered ending my life, and that was when I was 13 years old. I was in eighth grade. I didn’t carry out the plan. 

RELATED: My Suicide Note: This Is Teenage Depression

I’m 29 now, and a lot has happened since then.

A lot has happened since then, but I would be lying if I said those thoughts just went away.

I called 988 for the first time a month ago. Things felt so heavy, and I sat on the bathroom floor, hyperventilating.

The world got dark, and I felt like I could barely breathe.

The thoughts had really gotten a hold of me, and I just needed to talk to somebody. 

I didn’t know who to call. I didn’t want to bother anyone. 

So I called.

The person stayed on the phone with me for 1 hour, 9 minutes, and 2 seconds. 

I felt pathetic calling, but the person told me how brave it was for me to call. 

RELATED: Depression Is a Battle That Can’t Be Fought Alone

They were there to help, and I didn’t have to fight through the thoughts alone.

After 1 hour, 9 minutes, and 2 seconds, I was able to come out of it.

The world had light again, and I felt like I could breathe. 

We don’t need to go through these wars alone.

I’m a person who has called 988 before, and I share because we don’t have to go through these wars alone.

Originally published on the author’s Instagram page

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So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Estephanie Phelps

I am mama to a sweet and wild boy. Being a mom is hard enough without all the expectations. We all have our own stories. Being a mom is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe if I share my good, bad, and the ugly I can help at least one person. That would be good enough for me.

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