So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

“I just need you to sit down and be quiet for five minutes!”

The words spewed out of my mouth before I could stop them. They came from the deepest part of my tired mama soul, and once they started they just kept coming. It wasn’t so much the words—it was how I said them, how I screamed them at my daughter.

I will never forget the look in her eyes that day. The moment I saw her face was the moment I knew I was wrong. My oldest backed away from me as I yelled at her, she was afraid of her mommy.

Right then, I knew something had to change. And it had to change fast.

That night, I lay in bed next to my sweet sleeping girl and promised to do better for her. Not only did I promise that my actions would change, but that I would get to the root of the problem: I knew that my heart would need to change first.

After looking back over the last few months, I realized my temper had become incredibly short with my girls and that I was yelling more than I ever had before. And the heart of harshness that came out in my actions and my words was affecting everyone around me, especially them.

As mamas, we have such a huge responsibility to set the tone for our homes and our children’s souls. It’s perhaps one of the most important roles we have.

So do you find yourself in my angry shoes, mama friend? Are you spewing more anger than gentleness? If you are, then let’s get to work.

Here are a few things to remember when we are parenting our littles and what they need from our gentle hearts.

1. Kids need firmness, not anger.

Mamas, there IS a difference between the two! So many times we walk a fine line between being firm and yelling, but as parents we have to be the ones to set that boundary. I can use the exact same words to tell my daughter to go and pick up the mess she made in the living room, but do it with a completely different tone and posture. I don’t have to shame her in shaking my finger at her, I don’t have to blow up in anger, and I certainly don’t have to scream. By watching my volume, my body language and tone, I can make a huge difference in how I parent my children, affecting their anger and emotional state, too.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”-Proverbs 15:1 

2. Kids love physical attention.

When disciplining or communicating with your kids, if you are able, get down on their level. Invite them to sit on your lap, put your arm around them, hold their hands gently and look them in the eyes. Nine times out of 10, if I can get my girls physically close to me and gently command their attention, they are more likely to obey and really listen. This also reminds them that when Mommy is giving instructions, she is doing it with love; something kids need to be reminded of throughout the day!
“…but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.” -1 Thessalonians 2:7

3. Gentleness can’t be rushed.

Have you ever noticed that when we are harsh with our kids, it’s usually because we are hurried? In order to be gentle, we mamas need to learn to slow down. When you feel your blood boiling and you’re getting ready to let loose on your kids, take a step back and a deep breath. Slow your mind, even if it’s just for five seconds, and then speak. You will be amazed at the difference in your tone, choice of words, and even their response to you. Gentleness can’t be hurried, and neither can the change in your heart. This will take patience and diligent practice. But you can do it!
“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” -Galatians 5:22-23

4. Gentleness leads to repentance.

The way we show God’s love through His gentleness with our kids has a direct relation to their ability and desire to repent and obey. Yelling and demanding them to follow our instructions may get them to do what we say at the moment, but it’s only a Band-Aid for the real problem. You see, our kids are born naughty (sin nature). They don’t naturally know how to follow rules and react in obedience. But by gently showing them the way in our mothering, not only do we have the ability to show them how to instruct with kindness, but we can show them how to repent in response to our gentle correcting.
“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” -Romans 2:4

5. Taking a mommy time-out is OK.

Sometimes the kids really do get to us, don’t they? Mama friend, there is nothing wrong with taking a mommy time-out. Flee from your children for five minutes. When you feel yourself starting to lose control, excuse yourself from the room. Lock yourself in the bathroom, go into your car, or sit outside on the porch. Do something to get away (preferably with a piece of chocolate) and let yourself cool down. Better yet, tell your kids you need a time-out. Let them see you exercise self control in a healthy way and don’t regret acting in an ungentle way.
“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.” -1 Timothy 6:11

So how about it, ladies? Can we practice some of these things with our kids this week?

What verses stuck out to you? If one of these things struck a chord in your heart, write down the verse and stick it somewhere that you can see it through the day. Meditate on those words and trust that God will provide you with the gentleness you need to parent your kids well and for His glory.

This post originally appeared on From Blacktop to Dirt Road

 

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

Lauren Eberspacher

I'm Lauren and I'm a work-in-progress farmer's wife, coffee addict, follower of Jesus and a recovering perfectionist. When I don't have my three kids attached at my hip, you can find me bringing meals into the fields, dancing in my kitchen, making our house a home, and chatting over a piece of pie with my girl friends. I'm doing my best to live my life intentionally seeking all that God has for me and my family. Follow me at: www.fromblacktoptodirtroad.com From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Facebook laurenspach on Instagram

Fall into the Arms of Jesus, Little One

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Child walking

I have three younger brothers, so I know how crazy and wild boys can be. Lots of falls, cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones, and even a couple of head stitches. My husband has two younger brothers. He’d always tell how they used to jump from the banister down two floors onto the glass coffee table. Why anyone would do that, I have no idea. Pure madness and chaos.  Right now, I have a little baby boy who’s only seven months, but I know he will probably be just as wild as his uncles and dad. But that doesn’t mean I’m...

Keep Reading

10 Tips to Banish Teenage FOMO

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen with red hair smiling

Do you ever feel like the whole world is having a party—and you weren’t invited Maybe you worry about being included in the right groups or invited to the right sleepovers. Maybe you envy the relationships you see at school or youth group or feel jealous of the perfect social media posts showing others making memories together. If you’re a teen in 2022, you’re probably well acquainted with the fear of missing out. Knowing or wondering what you’re missing or who is getting together without you can leave you feeling lonely. It can leave you lonely and a little blue....

Keep Reading

I’m So Thankful For This Little Family

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Toddler boy and infant girl, color photo

I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, and praying for a life like I have now. Praying for a man to love me, to be loyal to me, to want a family with me, to provide for me, to show me what stability felt like and what it felt like to not ever have to worry . . . and here he is right in front of me. I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, praying for a house I could make a home and raise my family in. Here it is right in front of me. But most of...

Keep Reading

How I Like My Coffee

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and daughter drink coffee

I like my coffee with hazelnut creamer and a dash of almond milk. I like my coffee cold and neglected on the countertop because I’m busy soothing my new baby boy, the one who has made me a mother. In my long robe and slippers, I pace the kitchen floor and hold my swaddled son close to my heart. When his fussing grows quiet, I can hear the ticking of the big clock in the den. The dawn slowly reveals itself, brightening the kitchen in increments. It’s hard to imagine keeping my eyes open until he’s ready to nap again....

Keep Reading

Compassion Holds My Heart

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Child hugging mother

I lean my head in through the window of his van. The first thing I notice is the funny smell. Like cigarettes. And maybe body odor. The second? His tired, wrinkle-lined eyes. They’re dull, lethargic even. My daughter scrunches up her nose. I give her that look and try to hide my own misgivings. But Compassion climbs in the car with me.  And as the taxi driver guides the car toward our destination, I ask him about his story. Turns out he’s been driving all night. Till 5:30 this morning. Taking people home who were too drunk to drive themselves....

Keep Reading

I Was the Girl Who Ran Away From God

In: Faith
Woman standing in grass, black-and-white photo

I was the girl. I was the girl who’d do anything to get high as a teenager. I was the girl who craved love and just wanted to be wanted. I was the girl who wasn’t afraid of anything. I was the girl who stopped believing there was a God. I was the girl who said I would never go back to church. I was the girl who was certain none of it was real anyway because I was wasting my time going places like that. I was the girl who let the heartache and disappointment of this old world...

Keep Reading

I Prayed for You Before I Knew You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding baby, color photo

Baby, I have prayed for you—even before I knew who you would be.  I prayed I would be a mom one day when I was too little to know what I was praying for and again when I really thought my body would not be able to carry a baby. I prayed for you.  I prayed every day as you grew in my belly that you would be healthy, happy, and strong.  I prayed at every doctor’s appointment and scan that I would hear your heartbeat loud and strong.  I prayed for your arrival—for you to be safe and for...

Keep Reading

Dear Mom, I Miss You

In: Faith, Grief
Grown woman and her mother, color photo

Dear Mom, Yesterday I went over to your house. I was hoping you would open the door, but Daddy greeted me with his sweet smile. Yes, he still has a mustache. The one you hate, but I did manage to trim it up for him. I cut his hair too.   We talked about you over coffee and waited for you to join us, but you never did. He’s doing his best to do this life without you in it, but his eyes are clouded with memories and mixed with pain. He misses you, Momma. RELATED: I Didn’t Just Lose...

Keep Reading

Spaghetti Sauce Faith

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Mother and little girl holding a bowl of spaghetti, color photo

It was Sunday afternoon, and I was loading my grocery cart higher than I ever had in my life. My husband and I, along with our two kids under two years old, had been living with his parents for three months. We moved from our Florida home to look for a house in Georgia, and they graciously took us in. This was the day I loaded up on groceries—filling an empty refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. My shopping list was all the things. I needed to buy the smallest of table ingredients like salt and garlic powder to the big things...

Keep Reading

Dear Introverted Mom, Take that Break

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman outside with book and food

I am alone, in a hotel room, 20 minutes from home, lying back in the crisp bed, feet propped up on billowing white pillows. A good book is in my hand. The large window beside me overlooks the Mississippi River as the sun slowly sets and people unwind for a southern Louisiana evening in downtown Baton Rouge. I’ll probably order room service for dinner. I spent the afternoon at the coffee shop across the street, sipping on a deliciously caffeinated beverage carefully made to my liking. I ate a delicate snack filled with fruits, fancy lettuce, and expensive cheese while...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime