Don’t worry mama, you’re not crazy.
You’re not crazy when you feel overwhelmed by the smallest things, like the prospect of having to change the baby’s diaper AGAIN.
You’re not crazy when you’re so irritable you can’t even think straight.
You’re not crazy when you feel like you will explode if you have to do one more thing.
I know this because I’ve been there . . . I was you.
As a first time mom, I was not prepared for the rage and irritability that followed pregnancy. No one talks about it.
They don’t talk about how your emotions can go from 0 to 10 faster than you can blink. Or how you always feel that you can’t relax because your emotions are constantly bubbling just below the surface, ready to erupt at any time for any reason.
My friends warned me I would be irritable, but I didn’t quite grasp what they were trying to say. They told me things like, “You’ll be mad at your husband for everything,” or “You’ll be mad for no reason.”
But that wasn’t accurate enough. The emotions I felt and the speed at which they changed were much worse than I could’ve anticipated. I expected to be irritable. I expected to be moody. But I was not prepared for the intensity of the emotions I felt.
I was more prepared for the emotional turmoil that was supposed to accompany pregnancy because everyone talks about those mood swings. I was naive in thinking I had escaped the predicted roller coaster of feelings because my emotions remained relatively stable while I was pregnant.
But I was blind-sided by the tumult of postpartum emotions, all while attempting to keep my head above water as I navigated through all the firsts of being a new mom.
And I wished I had known what I was going to be walking into after my baby was born. I wished this experience was something that was talked about as much as other aspects of pregnancy are discussed.
Because I felt crazy. I felt alone. Surely no one else felt like I felt because if they did, I would’ve heard about it. I read so many articles and blogs to try to prepare myself for pregnancy, labor and delivery, and postpartum recovery, but not one article mentioned this ordeal that awaited me.
Regardless of my lack of knowledge, I made it through. I survived the storm with my sanity intact. It took a lot of patience for both me and my husband. I am thankful for his understanding and empathy. I am thankful for my family who never made me feel like I was being ridiculous because they couldn’t understand what I was feeling. In all honesty, I couldn’t understand what I was feeling either.
And now I know what likely awaits me the next time around. While I know I can’t avoid the fluctuations in postpartum hormones, I now know what to expect in terms of my emotions, and I am equipped with the knowledge that I am not crazy, and I am not alone. So rest assured—you are not crazy, you are not alone, and this season will not last forever.