Humor Journal Kids Motherhood

Little Lies: New Mom Edition 

Written by Gina Salberg

I have always believed in tricking myself. Some may call it mind games. I like to think of it as a little positive reinforcement.   

Do this workout, and you can have ice cream later. 

Work extra, and you can go on a shopping spree. 

Fold this laundry and you can binge watch Netflix. 

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You get the gist. 

Since becoming a mom, my “positive reinforcement” is now next level. Survival if you will. 

Actually, it’s just a whole list of little lies to get myself through the day. 

Baby pee isn’t dirty. Changing my shirt will just waste time. 

A workday isn’t long. It’s about 3 pumping sessions. 

I think it’s only the second time he’s thrown up on this sleeper. We have a few more good hours. 

Baby puke can be combed out of hair. No need to wash!

Being at work is fun! I can listen to music in my car as loud as I want!

My skin will get dry if I actually shower every day. 

You slept for 4 hours last night. You should be rested and alert and ready to take on the day!

Coffee is good for you. And the baby.  

I’ll remember to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer this time. 

Babies don’t really know when their moms are gone.

No one washes their bras. One more day won’t hurt!

I used to vacuum way more than I needed to. Every few weeks is fine!

There is no point in washing this T-shirt. I’ll just keep wearing it at home. It’s my home shirt. 

Robes are outfits. 

The neighbors won’t mind if I chase the dog outside in a nursing bra. 

Pants will hurt your incision. It’s better to just wear big T-shirts as much as possible. 

All moms are sleep deprived. 

Cleaning your house and taking care of a baby don’t go together. You do one or the other. 

Pumping is fun. 

Pushing a stroller is a workout. No need to actually workout. 

These pants are clean.

Plastic plates aren’t bad for the environment. 

I won’t Google infant illnesses. 

And lastly…. 

Oreos are a food group.  (For the MSPI  mamas)

About the author

Gina Salberg

Gina is a Nebraska native and lover of warm brownies with the correct ratio of ice cream. She loves discussing recent beauty finds, baking, and iced lattes.

Gina is a past Services Coordinator turned stay at home mom to her sweet baby. You can find her avoiding laundry, binge watching Netflix with her handsome husband, and blogging at Sweet and Modern in her free time.