Humor Journal Kids Motherhood

Little Lies: New Mom Edition 

Little Lies: New Mom Edition
Written by Gina Salberg

I have always believed in tricking myself. Some may call it mind games. I like to think of it as a little positive reinforcement.   

Do this workout, and you can have ice cream later. 

Work extra, and you can go on a shopping spree. 

Fold this laundry and you can binge watch Netflix. 

You get the gist. 

Since becoming a mom, my “positive reinforcement” is now next level. Survival if you will. 

Actually, it’s just a whole list of little lies to get myself through the day. 

Baby pee isn’t dirty. Changing my shirt will just waste time. 

A workday isn’t long. It’s about 3 pumping sessions. 

I think it’s only the second time he’s thrown up on this sleeper. We have a few more good hours. 

Baby puke can be combed out of hair. No need to wash!

Being at work is fun! I can listen to music in my car as loud as I want!

My skin will get dry if I actually shower every day. 

You slept for 4 hours last night. You should be rested and alert and ready to take on the day!

Coffee is good for you. And the baby.  

I’ll remember to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer this time. 

Babies don’t really know when their moms are gone.

No one washes their bras. One more day won’t hurt!

I used to vacuum way more than I needed to. Every few weeks is fine!

There is no point in washing this T-shirt. I’ll just keep wearing it at home. It’s my home shirt. 

Robes are outfits. 

The neighbors won’t mind if I chase the dog outside in a nursing bra. 

Pants will hurt your incision. It’s better to just wear big T-shirts as much as possible. 

All moms are sleep deprived. 

Cleaning your house and taking care of a baby don’t go together. You do one or the other. 

Pumping is fun. 

Pushing a stroller is a workout. No need to actually workout. 

These pants are clean.

Plastic plates aren’t bad for the environment. 

I won’t Google infant illnesses. 

And lastly…. 

Oreos are a food group.  (For the MSPI  mamas)

About the author

Gina Salberg

I’m Gina – a newly married Nebraskan and a (dog) mom to our super cute puppy, Brick. I am obsessed with trying new products and experimenting with hair and makeup. I almost always record my product wins on my blog, Sweet and Modern. You can also find me making a disaster in the kitchen as I come up with my latest and greatest baked good.

I am a lover of sweets, family & friends, my amazing husband, and all things girly!

But aside from that, I am a follower of Jesus. His grace has changed my heart and life, and for that I am thankful everyday.