Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Whether it be sitting alone at a party or with a group of friends, it wouldn’t matter in my anxious mind. Even though in one situation I am alone and in the other, I am surrounded by friends, the truth is I feel alone in both situations.

My anxiety makes me put on a fake smile to appear normal, all the while feeling abnormal on the inside. Anxiety is what causes tears to well up in my eyes and forces to me excuse myself to go cry in my car until I’ve pulled it together. It makes me lie, “Oh, yeah, I’m OK,” when someone asks. It tells me I am a pretty terrible mother because I am not enough for my kids, and I am too much for my husband.

This is what my anxiety does. Maybe it does this to you also.

I feel like anxiety makes me constantly aware of a big, flashing sign way off in the distance that only I can see. It says, “You are not good enough. You never will be.”

Some might say these thoughts are from the devil since God has not called us to live a life of fear. I like to think the devil and anxiety are one and the same.

RELATED: To the Mom With the Anxious Soul

Anxiety makes my brain feel alone in this world when the reality is I am surrounded by many other people. It pushes away the logical thoughts that everyone feels bad sometimes and most people feel not good enough, and it naturally focuses on blocking those thoughts out.

Anxiety makes me question myself almost constantly.

It makes me love myself less.

It makes me love my friends fiercely but hold back from showing it.

It makes me question if I am a good mom or not.

It makes me dwell on the negative and the scary of life much more than the positive.

Anxiety makes me a really selfish person and not in an I need time for my own self-care sort of way.

Let me explain. For a long time, I only saw my anxiety as a me problem. It was something I experienced and that affected me. I tried to hide it from other people and hoped they would not notice that I constantly felt unworthy of anything good. 

The sad part is though, through all of those years of dealing with anxiety, I had no idea it was actually affecting everyone I came into contact with as well.

RELATED: My Anxiety Makes Me Feel Like I Fail Over and Over Again

I would avoid situations that might make me feel awkward or anxious. I rarely reached out to a friend who was showing signs of hurting. I definitely didn’t reach out to strangers who were hurting.

I was selfish, and my anxiety was making me this way.

I ignored people in need simply because I regularly chose to listen to that feeling in my head saying I wasn’t good enough to be helpful to anyone.

I was so caught up in the fear that if I reached out to someone, they would roll their eyes at me and turn away my help because it wasn’t good enough. Because I wasn’t good enough. 

I was so afraid to be hurt that I chose to hurt others instead, just to save myself. Truthfully though, all I did was hurt both of us.

Maybe anxiety does this to you too. Maybe you have been hurt in your life and just can’t sign up for that again. Maybe you deal with thoughts that you will never be good enough to be a mom to your kids or your husband doesn’t love you the way you are. Maybe you are constantly trying to change to be someone elseto be someone who iS . . . better somehow.

Listen, I get it! But know this. You are hurting others by ignoring their pain even if it is anxiety that holds you back. The turning point for me was realizing this: If I reach out to someone and they don’t seem appreciative or open to talking, at the very least, I have planted a seed in them that says someone cares about me.

And I think planting that seed is priceless.

That woman over there who looks so angry? Maybe she just had it out with her husband and is ready to cry because she feels that no couple fights as much as they do. 

The new mom in the group who seems less than friendly to you right from the start? Maybe she feels worthless, too, and figures you won’t really like her anyway.

Reach out and plant that seed of kindness anyway, you may be the only person who does that day. You might be the lifeline who saves someone’s life.

You may never know how stepping out of your anxiety to offer friendship to another woman may affect them, but I guarantee you that your effort will never be wasted.

RELATED: The Painful Truth I’m Hiding As a Mom With Anxiety

My insecurities held me back from being a friend to multiple people who were hurting and felt alone. And honestly, I never again want to be the one who hurts another woman with my worthless insecurity.

Those insecurities are terrifying, they are stomach-churning, but they aren’t worth hurting someone else over. 

I want to stand with other women not to have thousands of best friends and not to make myself more worthy, but to uplift another woman, another mom, another sister, or daughter. I want to let her know she is not alone in this world. If I receive the gift of friendship back, wonderful! If not, at least I have planted a tiny seed of love into someone else’s life, and that makes me feel worthy beyond belief.

Previously published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Amber Prohaska

Amber is a mom of 4 crazy kids who keep her running like a maniac! Her most favorite place to be is at home with her chaotic clan. You can generally find her writing about what's on her heart, or hiding in the bathroom eating chocolate, or sometimes both!  Find more of her writing at www.thissimplelifeblog.com, on Facebook at This Simple Life, and Instagram @thissimplelifeblog.

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

Bust Out the Clipboard of Fun: It’s 90s Con Weekend!

In: Living
Candace Cameron Bure Andrea Barber on an airplane, taking a selfie with sleeping woman by window

In a world divided by basically everything, there’s one thing we all can agree on: growing up in the ’90s was the absolute best. You were dialing up to the internet on a monstrosity of a computer, probably with a free trial of AOL your parents got in the mail. You had a Discman with double bass boost and a sweet pair of Sony headphones with those foam pads over the ears. If you were lucky, your friend down the street had the coveted clear telephone AND a dedicated teen line. And every day after school, you cracked open some...

Keep Reading

Don’t Delete the Picture You Think You Look Bad In

In: Grief, Living, Loss
Woman holding phone with picture of her and daughter, color photo

Don’t delete the picture—the one you look bad in. I said it. You heard me. Don’t delete the picture, that picture—you know the one, the one with the double chin or the bad angle. The picture that is not so flattering. The picture that accentuates your forehead lines or the one taken next to your skinny best friend. We are all so hard on ourselves. Many of us are striving for a better complexion or a thinner physique. Sometimes scrutinizing ourselves and zooming in on a picture—seeing things the world does not see. Don’t delete the picture. RELATED: Take the...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, Friendships Are Like Blue Jeans

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Friends holding hands no faces showing, wearing blue jeans

Dear daughter, As you grow, relationships with other girls will often be complicated and sometimes feel discouraging. Friendships can be life-giving and beautiful. They can also be dramatic and draining.  Here’s a little trick to understanding the ebb and flow of friendships in your life.  Think of friendships like blue jeans.  They might be in your life for just a season. They can be trendy, but not last very long. Sometimes you will outgrow them. Sometimes they won’t fit, and you will have to put them back.  RELATED: Not All Friendships Are Meant To Last Forever Sometimes they are brand new, but...

Keep Reading

To the Mom Overwhelmed by Anger and Guilt

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman with head in hands and kids in background

Long before you became a mother, you fantasized about the special connection you would share with your little ray of sunshine. You made the promise that you would arm yourself with all the patience in the world and be the calmest and most loving parent there is.   And how long did it take you to end up confused, worried, or disappointed when reality didn’t meet your expectations of being a mother?   In my practice as a psychotherapist, I often meet mothers overwhelmed by guilt and shame because, in their eyes, they don’t rise to the challenge.   I snapped at him...

Keep Reading

She’s about to Become a Cool Mom: Lindsay Lohan Is Having a Baby!

In: Living
Lindsay Lohan Bader Shammas

At just 11 years old, she played twins in the Disney reboot of “The Parent Trap” and now Lindsay Lohan has parenting news of her own: she’s pregnant! Lohan, 36, made the announcement on Instagram Tuesday by posting a photo of a white onesie that says “coming soon…” She tagged her husband Bader Shammas in the photo, and added the caption, “We are blessed and excited!” View this post on Instagram A post shared by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) If you hear a collective “Awwww!” echoing across the internet, it’s coming from all the ’80s babies who grew up watching Lohan...

Keep Reading

Lady Gaga Goes Makeup-Free in Emotional Oscars Performance

In: Living
Lady Gaga at the 2023 Oscars, ABC TV

Lady Gaga is rarely what one would call “understated.”  The music superstar has walked red carpets in some of the wildest outfits, wackiest hair, and in-your-face makeup you can imagine. She arrived at the 2011 Grammy Awards inside an egg, for pete’s sake.  She walked the champagne-colored carpet (a break with the decades-long red carpet tradition) at Sunday night’s Acadamy Awards in a provocative, mostly sheer Versace gown and full makeup—but it’s what she wore next that has the internet talking.  For her performance of the Oscar-nominated song “Hold My Hand” from best film nominee Top Gun: Maverick, Gaga did...

Keep Reading

I Didn’t Know Who My Real Friends Were until I Went Through Hell

In: Friendship
Hands hooked at pinkies

This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. I had a ton going on emotionally, I went through some unexpected life changes that left me reeling, parenting was beyond challenging, and I felt in over my head constantly. During that season I had nothing left to give and I realized something: I had never learned to love myself outside of what I did for others.  Since middle school, I’ve prided myself on being a giver and not needing much back. I was amazing at loving people at their worst and at their best with no...

Keep Reading

Everyone Suffers When You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman tired on couch with child sitting next to her

The ones who suffer the most when I don’t take care of myself are the ones for whom I deny my self-care. I have always been an overachiever. I push myself to the limits and then some. I used to pride myself in my ability to continue on no matter what. Not enough sleep? No problem. When was the last time I ate? Doesn’t matter. Water? My coffee has ice in it.   In the last couple of years, my ability to push through has weakened. I’ve beaten myself up and tried to force myself to push through. I berated myself...

Keep Reading

Is TikTok’s Viral “Teen Filter” Harmless Fun or Dangerous Territory?

In: Living, Teen
Teen girls holding smartphones using TikTok

I enjoy trips down memory lane as much as the next person. Looking through old photo albums and scrapbooks (yes, I know I’m dating myself because everything is on our phones nowadays) can soothe our sentimentality and bring precious memories back for us to hold and cherish once again. However, the latest trend on TikTok is filling up my feed and has me feeling a little uncomfortable. I’m sure most of you have seen or heard of it—it’s the teen filter. When the filter is applied, a split screen appears and shows the real version of you on the bottom...

Keep Reading