The Baby I Never Got To Hold

Dear child,

You are seven years in heaven this week.

Can you believe that?

It has been seven years already, my love, but I still have not forgotten.

We still have not forgotten.
And, we will never forget.

My heart will never fail to remember you, my precious one.
You will always be in our thoughts, in our hearts, my little love.

You will always have a special place in Mommy’s heart, though we have not been together for long.

You are still my very special, my only “Easter Egg”.

Dear child, it’s been seven years but sometimes Mommy still feels sad that you are gone.

It’s fine to still sometimes feel sad and miss you.

Yes, I miss you and will always miss you, my child.

It has been seven years, but my heart mourns still.

My heart longs still,

My heart hopes still.

It was almost Easter when we found out about you, and so I called you my special Easter Egg.

I have only carried you in my womb for eight weeks, but the memories of you still bring a smile to my face.

Those special moments when your dad and I first found out that we were to have you, those were the best moments of our lives. I couldn’t describe how thrilled we were.

Many of Mommy’s friends were already excited to see you.

We were all excited to see you!

But just like that, you were gone.

My child, I still wonder how life would have been like with you and your sisters here together.

I still wonder who you would have taken after.

I still wonder if you would have been a girl or a boy.

I would have named you Esther or Elijah.

It has been seven years, my love, but I can still feel the tears run down my cheeks when the doctor told me about an operation to take you out of my womb because your heart was no longer beating.

It was the most painful heartbreak Mommy has ever had.

I may still be sad.
I may still mourn.
I may still long for you.
I may still hope to hold you.
And that’s OK.

My precious child,
One day, we will be together again.
One day, I will get the chance to hold you and shower you with kisses.
One day, I will get the chance to see your sweetest smile.

But for now, my love, allow me to still keep you in my dreams for my remaining years on this land.

My child, know that I am happy to have been given the privilege to be your mom.

Please know that Mommy, Daddy, and your sisters love you always and forever.

I know you are at peace and safe now.

You are home, my little love.

Happy seven years in heaven, Easter Egg.

Until we meet again . . . 

Love,
Mommy

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