Shop the fall collection ➔

Dear child,

You are seven years in heaven this week.

Can you believe that?

It has been seven years already, my love, but I still have not forgotten.

We still have not forgotten.
And, we will never forget.

My heart will never fail to remember you, my precious one.
You will always be in our thoughts, in our hearts, my little love.

You will always have a special place in Mommy’s heart, though we have not been together for long.

You are still my very special, my only “Easter Egg”.

Dear child, it’s been seven years but sometimes Mommy still feels sad that you are gone.

It’s fine to still sometimes feel sad and miss you.

Yes, I miss you and will always miss you, my child.

It has been seven years, but my heart mourns still.

My heart longs still,

My heart hopes still.

It was almost Easter when we found out about you, and so I called you my special Easter Egg.

I have only carried you in my womb for eight weeks, but the memories of you still bring a smile to my face.

Those special moments when your dad and I first found out that we were to have you, those were the best moments of our lives. I couldn’t describe how thrilled we were.

Many of Mommy’s friends were already excited to see you.

We were all excited to see you!

But just like that, you were gone.

My child, I still wonder how life would have been like with you and your sisters here together.

I still wonder who you would have taken after.

I still wonder if you would have been a girl or a boy.

I would have named you Esther or Elijah.

It has been seven years, my love, but I can still feel the tears run down my cheeks when the doctor told me about an operation to take you out of my womb because your heart was no longer beating.

It was the most painful heartbreak Mommy has ever had.

I may still be sad.
I may still mourn.
I may still long for you.
I may still hope to hold you.
And that’s OK.

My precious child,
One day, we will be together again.
One day, I will get the chance to hold you and shower you with kisses.
One day, I will get the chance to see your sweetest smile.

But for now, my love, allow me to still keep you in my dreams for my remaining years on this land.

My child, know that I am happy to have been given the privilege to be your mom.

Please know that Mommy, Daddy, and your sisters love you always and forever.

I know you are at peace and safe now.

You are home, my little love.

Happy seven years in heaven, Easter Egg.

Until we meet again . . . 

Love,
Mommy

You may also like:

To the Mama Without a Baby on Her Due Date

A Mother’s Love Can’t Be Measured In Weeks

Dear Rainbow Baby, You Saved Me

This is Grief

Mai Silencio-Sergelen

Mai is a hands-on mom of twobeautiful girls in her thirty’s. In this blog she shares about many of her random musings on motherhood — as it has given her a different perspective in life. A beautiful yet complex journey and not for the faint of heart. Follow her and her random musings here at cheerfulnomads.net.

To the Nurses Who Loved My Baby In the NICU

In: Baby, Motherhood
Woman smiling at newborn in hospital chair

I wish I could remember your face. Your name. Something. But I only had eyes for the tiny baby in front of me. My whole world was about to change and I think you understood that more than I did. He was so tiny. Impossibly small. I had never held a baby so little. He made up for his teeny size with an impressive mop of jet black hair that stood straight up on top of his head. He also had hair all over his body and you reassured me this was normal for a preemie. There was so much...

Keep Reading

My Last Baby Changed Me

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother and baby touching foreheads

I was already a mom of two teenagers. I thought I’d move to a city and join corporate America in a few years. But my last baby changed me. There would be no law school or big city living. Now, I write about life in my little country home. And I don’t see that changing. I thought I’d be that old lady with 10 cats. I already had three I snuggled and loved on. I never cared about the litter box, the clawed couches, or the meowing. But now I find myself disliking pets. I hope that might change. But...

Keep Reading

Real Life Maternity Photos Are Beautiful Too

In: Baby, Motherhood
Pregnant women on floor next to toilet, black-and-white photo

As a maternity and newborn photographer, my feed is full of radiant moms and seemingly tidy spaces in the families’ homes we work in. We always want you looking and feeling your best in your photos, and to avoid clutter that can distract from the beautiful moments we’re capturing. An unfortunate side effect is that it creates the impression of perfection, which can be intimidating for anyone interested in booking a photography session. In our consultations, we frequently hear concerns from pregnant moms like, “I’ve gained so much weight,” “I have nothing to wear,” “My home is a mess,” or...

Keep Reading

Having Babies and Toddlers Is Exhausting—but So, So Sweet

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Family of four with baby and toddler on bed

I took the girls to one of our favorite coffee shops last week and all around me were parents of babies and toddlers. Their little ones ran about in the grassy area out back, toddling up and down the lawn, when it suddenly hit me with perfect clarity—the sun has nearly set on this season for me. It was a realization marked by internal tension, a mourning of the loss of one season contrasted by the joyful anticipation at the arrival of the next. It came out of nowhere and hit me like a tidal wave. Having five kids in...

Keep Reading

You Used To Fit In My Lap

In: Baby, Motherhood, Toddler
Toddler lying on mom's lap in rocking chair, color photo

Hi Love, Remember when you could fit comfortably across my lap in this chair? I do. We’ve done a lot of sleeping and feeding and reading and rocking and laughing and crying (yes, both of us) here these last few years. We still manage to make it work for all of the above, but these days we most often sit side by side. When we don’t, I’m fairly certain we both wake up sore the next day from the necessary contortions. (OK, probably just me.) It’s true, there is a larger chair waiting for us in what will soon be...

Keep Reading

We Don’t Get To Know You, but We Will Always Love You

In: Baby, Loss, Motherhood
Couple holding baby announcement

Dear baby, There is still so much about your dad and me you don’t know, but that takes time. Parents aren’t the only ones watching loved ones evolve. Over time, kids meet new versions of their parents too—we change, we make mistakes, we grow. I often think about what an adult relationship with you would look like, how we might bond or argue, the inside jokes we might have, how we’d show each other love. I hope we’d be close. I don’t know if you’d be loud and goofy like your dad, an empath like me, or something else entirely....

Keep Reading

5 Ways Being a NICU Mom Changed Me for the Better

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding up smiling baby, color photo

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was panicking inside. A multiples pregnancy would be anything but a breeze. At our 20-week scan, my husband and I were told that our baby girl had a life-threatening birth defect that could lead to serious complications like heart failure and even death if left untreated. In addition to interventions during the pregnancy, she would require lung surgery immediately after birth. This diagnosis coupled with the fact that our babies were born at 34-weeks earned us a NICU stay of nearly three months.   I could write a whole book...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Your Baby Starts Out Feeling Like a Stranger

In: Baby, Motherhood
Newborn feet

Rolling over in bed, lights off and covers pulled high, I whispered to my husband, “It finally happened. I feel bonded with Bubba.” Our sweet 3-month-old slept peacefully in the cradle beside us as I shared the happy news. I laid back on the pillow and smiled up at the ceiling in a silent prayer of thanksgiving and joy. Motherhood feels like the most instinctual journey I have ever walked, but bonding doesn’t come naturally to me, and it never has. When I pulled our firstborn onto my chest for the first time a few years ago, I expected the...

Keep Reading

Becoming Someone’s Mother Can Feel Foreign

In: Baby, Motherhood
New mom holding baby

For my little girl—I’m so blessed I get to be a part of her world. My life changed in a minute. She came into this world so perfect and innocent. I heard her cry and then they handed her over. I held her in my arms and thought I would know her. I longed for that feeling, like I finally felt whole. But the longer I held her, the bigger the hole grew in my soul. It wasn’t long after, in a room full of people, I felt so alone. Motherhood can be evil. I just wanted to go home....

Keep Reading

I Love Having a Friend With a New Baby

In: Baby, Friendship, Motherhood
Woman snuggling newborn baby

To my sweet friend with a newborn, Thank you. This stage you’re in is the sweetest, most innocent, and challenging time. The exhaustion and love are overwhelming I know—I feel like I was just there yesterday with my own kids. Only, it wasn’t yesterday. Even though I can close my eyes and remember those precious moments with my own newborns, it feels so far in the past. I love the age my kids are now, but I’m telling you, there’s something magical about those first few weeks of life. When your baby scrunches their body into a ball when you...

Keep Reading