Shop the fall collection ➔

Dear husband,

I know it hasn’t been easy stepping into our lives. So much happened before you came along—so much you don’t understand, so much you don’t agree with, so much that hurts you, so much you wish you could have protected us from.

I know it hasn’t been easy because so much of this is foreign to you. So much of it is new territory you never thought you’d experience. I know because of this, you constantly second guess yourself. I know you think you fall short, that things don’t always go as you had planned, and that your inexperience makes you inadequate.

But husband, although you struggle to make sense of it all, it’s important to remember that sometimes we aren’t meant to understand everything.

Sometimes God chooses to reveal partial details with the aim of protecting us. Even though I walked that trying time alone, there are some details He spared even me from. I believe He withheld for my protection, just as He has done so for you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you because you don’t agree with the way I’ve been treated and the hand I have seemingly been dealt. I know it pains you to learn of my previous hurts. But, my love, God is the author of our stories. Every event in my life, whether it be a tragedy or an injustice, God has worked out for good. None of it was in vain, it has all, in one way or another, been for His ultimate glory.

I wouldn’t be here today as your beloved if I hadn’t previously walked those roads and if I didn’t choose to confidently rest in His sovereignty.

I know as the lover of my soul, you wish you could have shielded us and protected us from it all, but that wasn’t your job. It isn’t your job. My love, your job isn’t to be our savior—we already have a Savior who died for us, a Savior who died for you, too.

My dear husband, while so much of this is new, foreign territory for you, no one would ever know it. Though you had given up hope of a family of your own, God clearly had other plans for you. My love, you are a natural. You were meant to be my partner just as you were meant to be their father.

Things may not have happened the way you planned them, and even on a day-to-day basis they may not happen how you plan them, but one thing is certain: they happen the way He has planned. I hope you remember His way always works out better than anything we could ever plan.

I watch you interact with them. I watch you treat them as your own. I see your love for them in the way you take pleasure even in the mundane. I see how you cherish the moments and don’t take them for granted. I hear your love for them in the way you talk about them to others. although you may feel that your inexperience somehow makes you inadequate, although you may second guess yourself, I look into their eyes as they look at you. I see you as they see you. And my darling, you have it all wrong. There is no fooling them. Their pure hearts see things as they are. The way they look at you screams it. The way they hug you and express their affections confirms it, too.

In our eyes, you are more than enough.

So, my beloved, I want you to know that although it hasn’t been easy, although you may feel like you’re lacking—you’re doing an incredible job. You are a natural. You were made for this. You’re imperfectly perfect for us. You are more than enough, and we thank God for the blessing that is you. We love you today. We love you tomorrow. We love you always.

You may also like:

To the Stepparents Who Love Their Bonus Kids So Well—Thank You

To My Husband: Thank You For Being A Great Man

Jessika Sanders

Jessika is the founder and president of Praying Through ministries, a nonprofit that aims to equip and embolden men, women, and children with Biblical Truth as they journey through the difficult seasons of the NICU, PICU, and Child Loss. She is also a published writer who has been featured in Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Hope When Your Heart is Heavy devotional (2021), Focus on the Family’s Clubhouse Jr. magazine (2022), and Tyndale’s So God Made a Mother (2023). Jessika regularly writes for the Praying Through blog.

The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got: Touch Feet Every Night

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple touching feet in bed

Twenty-six years ago this summer, I got a tiny piece of advice on my wedding day that has kept me from making a huge mistake time and time again. A wise woman told me, “When you climb in bed each night with your husband, make sure that your feet touch under the covers. It’s hard to be mad at someone and touch feet.”  I had no idea, all those years ago, how impactful this piece of advice would be and how many times in our marriage this would be the small act that kept us united. This simple act of...

Keep Reading

Marriage Comes Down To the Little Things

In: Marriage
Empty cup next to coffee maker, color photo

Yesterday when my husband arrived home from work, I was met with a “you didn’t put my coffee cup out this morning.”  My back was to him. I was standing at the sink hand washing our daughter’s sippy cup. As I turned around, he must have read the emotion on my face because I didn’t have to say a word before he chimed in with a “no, no, I don’t expect you to! It was just a good reminder of all of the little things you do that I guess I just get used to and maybe don’t notice and...

Keep Reading

You’re Still the One I Want

In: Marriage
Hugging couple

I remember when we met like it was yesterday. You in your Wranglers and cowboy hat, I just had to ask you to dance. We’ve been together ever since. I remember how you would call me every night, we talked for hours. We had our own special way of saying goodnight before we hung up, “Take care of you for me.” The truth is the moment I  hung up, I couldn’t wait to talk to you again. We lived so far apart, that the only time we spent together was on the weekends. I loved those occasional mornings when you...

Keep Reading

Becoming a Stepmom Made Me a Mother

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Mother, father, and child kissing mom's cheek

From the time I was a little girl, it was always a given that I was going to be a mom. My younger sister and I picked names out (Denim and Lace) for our fictional children we were one day going to have, improbably, at the same time. As I grew older, college and responsibilities and a career kept my fictional children from becoming real, but I always knew that, eventually, I was going to be a mom. But then, life sometimes throws you hard and fast curveballs, and with one failed marriage looming on the horizon, I began to...

Keep Reading

The Greatest Gift Is Time

In: Living, Marriage, Motherhood
Couple with child at home

Recently, I attended both a wedding and a baby shower in the same weekend. As I was wrapping both gifts, I couldn’t help but think about what those two women really needed. The perfect gift for those first steps into marriage or motherhood is not anything that could be wrapped in pretty paper.  Sure newlyweds need pans to cook in, and babies need blankets to snuggle in. Yes, soft towels are nice and baby jammies might be the cutest clothing anyone could ever purchase. What both new brides and new mommas really need, though, could never be found on a...

Keep Reading

Loving and Appreciating the Man You Married Changes Everything

In: Marriage
Man and woman hold hands

They say, marry the man who . . .  Holds open the door for you. Gives you flowers on your birthday. Carries the heavy groceries for ysou. Makes coffee for you in the morning. Tells you how much he loves you every day. Messages you in the middle of the afternoon to tell you he’s thinking about you. Plans date nights for the two of you. But what if the man you married doesn’t do all or any of these things? Or what if he does them, but he doesn’t do them consistently? He’s so unlike those other husbands who...

Keep Reading

Loving Me after Trauma Means Being Careful with My Heart

In: Marriage
Man and woman silhouette

To the husband loving me despite my past trauma, Thank you. For not sneaking up and playfully putting your arms around me in the kitchen like you’d like to, because you know I don’t like being touched from behind. RELATED: The Lies of Abuse Will Not Silence My Voice For somehow always knowing when I need to hear “You look great,” because the low self-esteem is acting up again. For understanding that sex will always be different for me. And some days, difficult. For letting me sit in the chair facing the window in the restaurant. For living daily with...

Keep Reading

The Woman He Married Is Long Gone

In: Grief, Kids, Marriage
Young couple smiling

My husband has been married to at least five different women—and they’re all versions of me. His first wife was the 21-year-old version of me, who was a fit and focused college athlete. She was a driven, perfectionist dream-chaser. She was ready to push and sacrifice to chase the dream. No challenge was too hard—but then again, the hardest thing in her life was her organic chemistry final. She had the eternal optimism that comes with naivety and innocence. She loved him with eagerness and couldn’t wait to build a life with him. He often still daydreams of this first...

Keep Reading

Modeling a Healthy Marriage for Our Kids Matters

In: Kids, Marriage
Boy watching parents kiss

Sometimes he’ll whisper playfully to me, when I’m doting on the kids and not paying him much attention, “Hey, none of this, ya know,” gesturing to our boys, “would have been even remotely possible without me, the big D,” with a wink and a smirk. And I’ll smile involuntarily, roll my eyes, and concede, usually silently, that yeah, he’s got a point. A great point, actually. Without my (truly incredible) husband, without the two of us, there would be no family as we know it, no world as we know it.  It’s not about loving my husband more, nor is...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Love This Stage of Life With You

In: Marriage
Happy family of four

Dear husband, It’s no secret our love story has been long and bumpy. We have grown apart and back again many times throughout the years. But now we are entering a different time in our lives. Our children are no longer babies—they wouldn’t even be considered toddlers. I am loving this time with you. A time where we have more freedom to be silly, to play, to travel, and just sit with each other. The days before this were long. They were rocky. They were so stressful. RELATED: Dear Husband, There is a Table Waiting For Us There was never...

Keep Reading