My husband asks me if it’s OK before he makes plans with his friends.

No, it’s not a control thing. It’s a respect thing.

I recently tweeted, “My husband is literally a child when he wants to go out with his friends. Before he asks me if I’m OK with it, he’ll sit on the edge of the bed pretending to be interested in gossip girl.” The response I got back was mixed.

Many said, “He shouldn’t have to ask you. That’s controlling.” Or, “Why would he even have to ask you? He’s an adult.” And while that is true, he is an adult, he is also a husband. And a father.

We both ask each other before making plans with friends—out of respect. We have two kids, a marriage, a million things on our to-do lists, plus the together time that we need.

We ask out of respect that one of us may be tired and want extra help with the kids.

We ask because we may have had a long, awful day and need each other to talk to about it.

We ask because one of us may have a date night planned already.

My husband and I ask each other if it’s alright before we make plans. Out of respect for each other and our relationship.

It’s not a control thing. It’s a respect thing.

This post originally appeared on Caitlin Fladager

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Caitlin Fladager

I’m a 25 year old mom to two amazing kids. I’m married to my high school sweetheart. I got pregnant when I was 18, and married when I was 20. I started early on most things in life, but I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I’m an advocate for mental health and self love.