If you like Her View, you'll love our new book, So God Made a Mother. Pre-Order here ➡️

My husband asks me if it’s OK before he makes plans with his friends.

No, it’s not a control thing. It’s a respect thing.

I recently tweeted, “My husband is literally a child when he wants to go out with his friends. Before he asks me if I’m OK with it, he’ll sit on the edge of the bed pretending to be interested in gossip girl.” The response I got back was mixed.

Many said, “He shouldn’t have to ask you. That’s controlling.” Or, “Why would he even have to ask you? He’s an adult.” And while that is true, he is an adult, he is also a husband. And a father.

We both ask each other before making plans with friends—out of respect. We have two kids, a marriage, a million things on our to-do lists, plus the together time that we need.

We ask out of respect that one of us may be tired and want extra help with the kids.

We ask because we may have had a long, awful day and need each other to talk to about it.

We ask because one of us may have a date night planned already.

My husband and I ask each other if it’s alright before we make plans. Out of respect for each other and our relationship.

It’s not a control thing. It’s a respect thing.

This post originally appeared on Caitlin Fladager

Marriage takes work. Thankfully, there’s an app that can help! Lasting—the nation’s #1 relationship counseling app—provides accessible sessions designed to help you build a healthy marriage. Download and take Lasting’s free Relationship Health Assessment.

 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Caitlin Fladager

I’m a 25 year old mom to two amazing kids. I’m married to my high school sweetheart. I got pregnant when I was 18, and married when I was 20. I started early on most things in life, but I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I’m an advocate for mental health and self love.

Once Upon a Time You Got All of Me

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Husband and wife on wedding day, color photo

First there was us, and now it’s them. We have four little hands that need us, and it’s so hard to get lost in parenthood and forget that at once upon a time it was me and you. I promise you, it won’t always be like this. It won’t always be this hard. I remember when we would go for leisurely walks and long Sunday brunches. Now it takes us an hour to leave the house for a 15-minute walk. I want so badly to spend hours lying in bed, talking like we used to, but now I’m so tired...

Keep Reading

I Hold the Hand of a Hardworking Man

In: Marriage
Wife and husband holding hands, color photo

I’m blessed to be married to a blue-collar man—he carries our burdens and worries on strong shoulders and our hopes and dreams in his hard-working hands. Those hands keep the bills paid and a roof over our heads, but it doesn’t come without sacrifice—long days gone, mud on my floors, sawdust in pockets, and grit and grime in my sink, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s living his dream, and I’m cheering him on, doing my best to hold down the fort we call home. Beaten and battered, scarred and weathered, these hands are still gentle enough...

Keep Reading

What Happens When She Wants Another Baby and He Does Not?

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Husband and wife, pregnancy photo, color photo

I am on my knees, folded over, with my head resting on the carpet. I am in my closet, which doesn’t see much of the vacuum, and it is the only place I can find to sob out of sight. I feel hollowed out and defeated as if I have run a marathon and was cut short at the finish line. I cry out in prayer, pleading with God to soften the heart of my husband. I desperately want another child, and he desperately does not. I take a deep breath and dry my eyes because my 4-year-old outside the...

Keep Reading

Is Your Marriage on Cruise Control?

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple holding hands in car, above view

Cruising down the road, the highway curled before us like a ribbon into the horizon. Cozy road trips are a staple for my husband and me, and we look forward to the time together. Having been married for 37 years the adventure continues! We have loved each other through the ups and downs, and we have learned a lot about relationships. We also made a point of carefully watching successful relationships and surrounding ourselves with those whose marriages flourished. Nowadays, we have many young couples ask us what it takes to keep a marriage vibrant. One of the key ingredients...

Keep Reading

It’s Never Really about the Purse

In: Marriage
Purse sitting on counter, color photo

Last night, I lost my mind when you asked if I could try to keep my purses put away. You weren’t unkind. You weren’t upset. You even put the offending purse away for me. But asking me to put it away wasn’t the problem. It was the timing. I was gone all weekend hosting some writing friends for a mini writing retreat. I was home one day trying to catch up on all the things one gets behind on: laundry, groceries, and cleaning. The next day the kids had off school, so I took them to the museum for the...

Keep Reading

You’ve Never Stopped Loving Me

In: Marriage
The Worst of Me

My favorite picture of our wedding makes me sad. It sits on the top shelf in our living room. Next to it, is a seashell my dad gave my mom when they used to be married. There’s a rolled-up newspaper and a mishmash of toys next to it. In it, your hair is thicker; my body is younger. In it, are people who stood next to us that day, loved us, introduced us—some we no longer talk to. In it, I’m laughing and holding my best friend’s hand. That sunny day in Mexico surrounded by 99 of our most important...

Keep Reading

Every Type A Needs a Type B Person in Their Life

In: Friendship, Living, Marriage
Friends smiling

I spend a lot of time making lists, whether they are in my head, written on a piece of paper, or on my phone and laptop. Lists about what needs to be done today, later this week, or even a few months down the road. Even when I check off all the items on my list, more things pop up. There are always things demanding my attention. Initially, I thought having a list—or multiple lists—was a good thing. I felt organized and in charge of things. But when the lists started creeping their way into other facets of my life,...

Keep Reading

The L Is on the Mantel

In: Living, Marriage
Mantel showing Christmas decorations

This holiday season has been a little more exciting, stressful, chaotic, sleepless, and wonderful than any I can remember aside from the one when John and I were engaged and the four that welcomed our new babies to their first Christmases. In early November, we took a ride to look at a house I had seen online. It seemed promising from the description:  smaller yard, main floor laundry, an open floor plan, a direct route to our youngest child, her husband, and our youngest grandboys: an 8-year-old and his twin 3-year-old brothers. For the first time in recent home searches,...

Keep Reading

We Cope with the Stress

In: Living, Marriage
Woman on horse, black-and-white photo

We handle it differently. The stress. It’s the sight that initiates it. That dry brown ground. I start at a simmer, anger quickly rising up. Soon, I am at a rolling boil, and then I explode. Tears streaming down my face, I scream out my frustrations and end up dredging up every hurtful thing that has ever happened. I am rip-roaring mad at the entire world. I have been told I am too emotional like it is a badge of dishonor “Knock it off.” “Get your act together.” “Hold it together.” But it is just who I am.  He knows...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, Thanks for Keeping Me Calm at Christmas

In: Marriage
Selfie of man and woman

Dear Husband, Thank you for being my constant in this seasonal chaos. I’m riding the roller coaster of emotions this time of year. One minute I’m calm, and the next, mom rage roars like a caged lion. Keeping our home in order, my health, work demands, kids’ practices and activities, gift exchanges, doctor appointments, organizing Christmas lists, and ensuring the holidays are magical and sweet have kept my plate overflowing. RELATED: Moms Do It All in December and It’s Exhausting Yet you’ve been a constant even when we’ve been exhausted and pressed each other’s buttons. Even when we’ve felt the...

Keep Reading