So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

I’m not the same anymore. I don’t think I ever will be. That’s what having kids does to you. It changes you . . . and just like in marriage there are moments when it changes you for the better and for the worse.

I know you’ve noticed that I’m not the same anymore. I see it. I feel it.

RELATED: Dear Husband, I’m Not the Same Girl You Married

Often, I cry about it. I sometimes wonder if you notice I’m not the same because you kind of still are. A lot of your life hasn’t changed . . . but mine has.

It’s probably harder to understand since you didn’t carry two tiny humans at two separate times for nine months each. You didn’t get to feel the little kicks inside of you. You didn’t get to have that bond which only a mother and child can truly have, because after all, they are the only ones that know what my heart sounds like from the inside. But that’s the way God intended it to be. You are the provider and I am the nurturer.

Sometimes I wish I was the same. I wish I was the carefree, confident and independent girl you first met. The one who loved spontaneity, lived fearlessly and laughed often. But I am not.

I now thrive on structure, live on schedules, laugh a little less and worry a lot more.

I can’t pinpoint when the change happened but it wasn’t suddenly. It’s been gradual, like growing old . . . it just happens, even if you don’t want it to. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming it on children, I would never do that. They are the best thing besides you that have ever happened to me. But there’s just so much of me that is no longer the same.

I think I struggle with that the most. I struggle with all the responsibilities I have. I struggle with knowing the person I once was is never coming back. Maybe bits and pieces can over time (laughing more, worrying less) but I am no longer that same girl. I’m a woman. I’m a wife. I’m a mother. And while all of it is truly a blessing, none of that is the same.

You’re different, too. Maybe not in the day-to-day, but in an overall kind of way.

And I’m not saying this negatively, but there was a shift that happened from dating to marriage to married with kids. It has also been a slow and gradual shift, but it’s shifted. And maybe that’s because our changes have caused disagreements that were once agreements and frustrations that never before existed.

I hold onto the memories of us in the beginning. We were so young and a little reckless but crazy in love. The kind of love that you blush about. The kind of love that makes you giggly and giddy. The love that gives you butterflies . . . amazing butterflies that do somersaults in your stomach. The love that you can’t stop smiling about whether you’re together or not. It was raw, it was unedited and it was so real. You were and still are my happily ever after.

So that’s why I go back to the fairytale of us and relive those moments (as much as it probably drives you a little crazy to hear about). I want to live in the moments before we had the responsibility of raising two children and everything that comes along with it. I want to hold on to the former me and remember that a part of me is still the same—the part that loves you.

As we continue to go through the ups and downs in this marriage and figure out how to balance us, work, and kids, I want you to know the part of me that loves you will never go away.

Sometimes I stare at you and smile as a memory flashes in my mind and I fall in love with you all over again. No marriage is perfect, and I’ll never claim ours to be. But you love me and I love you. And if we can get past all the things that truly don’t matter in this life and focus on God, us, and our kids I think we’ll be just fine. Sure, there are mountains we will climb, some that we feel the top is so far away and others we’ll fall down a few times, but as long as I have you, I know we can do this.

I may not be the same anymore, but that doesn’t mean that every day I don’t try to be a little bit better than the person I once was.

Thank you for loving me the way you do and for everything you provide for our family.

With love,
Your ever-so-thankful wife

You may also like:

To My Husband: Thank You For Being A Great Man

Husband, I Love You More

Marriage is Worth the Hard Parts

Renee Dzieciolowski

Renee is a small business owner and stay-at-home mom to one sweet but sometimes sassy daughter and one very rambunctious son. Most days you’ll find her running on minimal sleep and chai tea lattes, trying to find new ways to entertain her kiddos (or places to hide from them!) and writing during hours she should be sleeping! Follow her blog New Adventures in Motherhood or check her out on Facebook and Instagram @newadventuresinmotherhood.

My Little Girl Has Big, Brave Dreams

In: Kids, Motherhood
School paper with little girl's handwriting, color photo

My 6-year-old daughter wants to be a soldier.   When we heard from the ultrasound tech that we were having another girl, that was not exactly the career path that popped into our heads.   There’s something absolutely terrifying knowing your child wants to do something big like this. I’m sure I’d be petrified if I had a son with the same ambition, but there’s something extra scary about it being your little girl. There’s something weighty about raising a daughter who wants to be a soldier. But honestly, it’s not a surprise at all. RELATED: God Has Filled Your...

Keep Reading

As My Children Grow, I Miss It All—Even the Sick Days

In: Kids, Motherhood
Toddler on mom's shoulder

I whisk my daughter through the doors of urgent care and cradle her head as I stand behind three other mamas clinging to their babies. We’re each rocking in different ways but moving nonetheless. The silent, comforting rhythm of motherhood. I see sad, sick eyes from the babies with their heads nestled into the necks of their mama. I’m tired from the sleepless night, and I shift from foot to foot. There is hushing and humming and back-patting. A pacifier drops to the floor. All of a sudden my daughter feels heavy. A vague sinking feeling comes over me, like...

Keep Reading

Life with Autism Is Full of Ticking Time Bombs

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother, father, teen daughter, color photo

Many of us who live with autism are familiar with the comings and goings of the ticking time bomb—one that disappears for periods of time, so much so that we might forget about it. Then, suddenly, this bomb drops at our doorstep in the form of a returning or new obstacle, so intense that it causes us to pause our lives, alter our plans, maybe even change our current paths. For our family, the new challenge has been sudden, piercing, sporadic screams. Not constant, not even often, thankfully, but jolting nonetheless. So here we were, in the midst of our...

Keep Reading

Youth Sports Build Strong Kids

In: Kids
Young girl with gymnastics medal, color photo

My kids are heavily involved in sports. My son plays for an elite basketball team and my daughter competes on an Xcel gymnastics team. It takes up a lot of our time and a lot of our money. Even though prioritizing youth sports seems to be an American norm, we still sometimes receive criticism and judgment as to why we would spend so much of our time and resources on it. (“Don’t you know the chances of your child going pro is less than 1%?”) As I sat at my daughter’s gymnastics meet, listening to the parents cheer so excitedly...

Keep Reading

Don’t Let Anyone Rush You, Mama

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother with two kids at home relaxing

From the moment our children are born, other people make it challenging to stay in the present moment—they start asking questions that look forward instead of at the now we are in. Can you believe how big she’s getting, where did your newborn go? Oh my goodness, he’ll be walking any day now! Are you thinking about preschool? What will you do when they’re both in school? What will you do when your baby goes to college? While these questions may come with good intentions, they’re not helpful at all. We moms need to be allowed to be fully in...

Keep Reading

Dear Child, God Sees All of You—And So Do I

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mom and young son painting together

Math has always come easily to him. Even from the beginning stages when we counted wooden blocks on the living room floor, the numbers just came to him. “How many blocks are there?” I asked him, pointing to the scattered row of blocks. I expected him to count them. He was only three or four years old. “Six,” he answered promptly. “Yes . . . but how did you know that?” I asked hesitantly. He had not taken the time necessary to have counted them. “Three and three are six,” he replied. And on it went. The math came easily,...

Keep Reading

Kids Crave Your Time, Not Fancy Things

In: Kids, Motherhood
Dad and daughter with basketball smiling

I have four kids, and like most parents, I’m doing my best to give them a happy childhood, but we’re not really an activity family. Don’t get me wrong, we love a good day trip to the local water park or a night out at the movies, but with several different ages and a tight budget, activities or outings are rare for us. Sometimes I end up feeling bad about it, like our kids are missing out, but then I take a deep breath and realize that some of the best moments come from the simplest of things. Lucky for...

Keep Reading

Dear Kindergarten Graduate—Wherever Life Takes You, I’ll Always Be Your Safe Place To Land

In: Kids, Motherhood

I cried on your first day of kindergarten. Did you know that? I held it together through the getting ready and the goodbyes—but once I had waved one last time and was pulling out of the parking lot, the lump in my throat poured out as hot tears down my cheeks.  How could you be starting kindergarten? You, my precious firstborn baby. We had some growing pains as we adjusted to a new routine. The school days were so long. I spent my days missing you and you spent yours missing me. We were apart from each other more than...

Keep Reading

The Secret to Slowing Down Time Is to Notice the Moments You’re Living In

In: Kids, Motherhood

Dear current self, You’ve heard a lot of mothers admonish you to slow down and enjoy every moment with your children. They’ve warned you with phrases like “before you know it,”  “in the blink of an eye,” and other cliché’s that haven’t really hit you, but they will. Soon, they will. I am writing you now because I’ve seen you trying to wrap your mind around the how-to—as if holding time in your hand is a skill anyone has successfully mastered. I’ll save you the suspense. It can’t be done. It is inevitable. Your kids are going to grow up....

Keep Reading

You Don’t Have to Celebrate a Holiday Just Because It’s On the Calendar

In: Kids, Living

I switched on the computer, adjusted my chair, then quickly swiveled back around again toward my husband, “Are you sure? You don’t mind?” “Me?” he made a swift waving motion as if swatting a fly. “Psht. Yeah, I’m fine with it. You?” He lifted his head and locked our eyes a little more securely, “Are you sure?” “Yes,” I said firmly, without hesitation. “OK, good,” my man turned back to his phone, “Love you.” “Good,” I confirmed. A rush of relief swept through me as muscles I didn’t even know were tense suddenly relaxed. A bubbling surge of energy had...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids


Proven techniques to build REAL connections