As the world celebrates the joyous news of your and Prince Harry’s pregnancy, I find myself in tears, wanting to wrap you in a blanket of comfort, love, and protection. What the world sees in the beautiful pregnancy announcement is a loving couple, an adorable baby bump casually on display. They picture a young boy undoubtedly excited to become a big brother.
Meg, I was there at your wedding to witness this love story begin, and my friend, I am honoured to capture it grow. Congratulations to The Duke and Duchess of Sussex on this joyous news!#remoteshoot #shotonipad #shotbymisan pic.twitter.com/3iSYjydVj9
— Misan Harriman (@misanharriman) February 14, 2021
But what the world doesn’t see is the roller coast of emotions you must feel inside; the grief, fear, and anxiety tangled within the excitement.
That’s because just months ago, you announced you lost a baby due to miscarriage.
Dear Meghan, I want you to know that you will survive. You put on a brave face for the world to see, but the fear of losing another child feels unbearable at times. It’s enough to keep you up quietly sobbing at night. As you cradle the unborn child in your womb, a wave of worry comes over you. Pregnancy after loss forces you to face your fears and makes you realize that you are stronger than you ever thought possible.
As the world sees you basking in the pregnancy glow and admires your maternity fashion, I want you to know it’s OK to feel sad. The media will paint a picture of that perfect rainbow baby, a term often used for a baby born after weathering the storm of child loss.
And while this unborn baby will provide so much love for your family, it will never replace the child you lost last summer.
I, too, am part of the club no parent ever wants to be part of. And even years after losing two of my children, I can tell you that there will always be a piece of your heart longing for that child you can’t hold in your arms.
People will assume that it’s smooth sailing once you get past a certain point in your pregnancy. But with each passing week you face new fears, and even guilt, knowing that this baby has a better chance at life than the child you lost before. You face heartache and pain wondering what it would be like to watch this new baby play with their sibling who passed away, but knowing that will only happen in your daydreams.
Dear Meghan, while this pregnancy will not be easy for you, as the weeks pass by, I hope you find a sense of peace. The loss of a child changes you forever and you may find ways to protect your heart. Maybe it’s not getting your hopes up, knowing that there is no safe zone when it comes to pregnancy after loss. Or maybe it’s not allowing yourself to get attached to this new baby, only to be crushed if tragedy strikes again.
But please remember—what happened in your past doesn’t mean it will happen this time around.
Dear Meghan, I hope with each passing week you find a glimmer of hope. It could be the burst of excitement when your husband feels the baby kick, or the laughter you experience as your little boy Archie gives you an idea for a baby name. The loss of a child may have taken your innocence, a hole now in your heart, but hope will outweigh the pain.
Dear Meghan, the joy and love you feel for this unborn child is genuine; it’s evident in the pregnancy announcement the world has now embraced. Thank you for so candidly talking about your loss when society still considers it a taboo subject.
From one mother of loss to another, my heart goes out to you as I cheer you on from afar.
I hope this baby helps you see the beauty in life once again. This baby will never replace the child you lost, but new life often brings so much love and healing.
Baby news! “We can confirm that Archie is going to be a big brother,” says a spokesperson for Harry and Meghan. “The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are overjoyed to be expecting their second child.” pic.twitter.com/GrqSiBxaXa
— Omid Scobie (@scobie) February 14, 2021