I yelled at my kids today, way more than I would have liked to.

I’m always told, “Speak to your kids how you want them to speak to you!” But that’s a lot harder said than done, especially with anxiety.

Anxiety has this way of making me a person and mom I don’t recognize.

It takes away my patience faster than I would like.
It takes away my ability to stay calm in certain situations.
It makes me feel like I’m about to walk onto a stage with hundreds of people watching me, at all times.
It makes me sick to my stomach.

Some days, when my anxiety is at an all-time high, I become a mother I don’t recognize.

I yell, I’m not patient, and I’m definitely not the type of mother I thought I would be.

Being a mom with anxiety is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I have a short fuse some days, and no one knows what will set it off.

I get mad at myself for feeling this way and take it out on the kids sometimes.

I wish I had more patience.
I wish I wasn’t so uptight most of the time.
I wish I was a more patient mom.
I wish I didn’t yell so much.

It’s hard to let go of that image I had in my head of how I would be as a mother.

But, I’m trying my best, and maybe there’s more than one way to be a good mother. Maybe my way is going to therapy and working through it. Because that’s what I’m doing.

I never thought I would be in therapy to help me be a more patient mom.
I never thought I would be a yeller.
I never thought my anxiety could get this bad.

I yell too much, I swear too much, and I am not patient enough.

But I also love them harder, hold them tighter, and apologize to them more.

That’s all I can do for now.

I know I’m growing every day, but sometimes, I just really hate how much I yell at my kids.

This article was originally published on Caitlin Fladager

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