Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

I went to the local Target recently. Like most of my visits there, I went in for toothpaste and a niece’s birthday gift and left $159 lighter because throw pillows were on sale and they had just restocked the clearance rack.

As I walked by the swimsuit section, my first thought was, “Ugh.” Because I’m not sure if there’s any woman in the history of the world who has looked at those racks of swimsuits and thought, “Yay! I love swimsuit shopping! Give me all of the swimsuits to try on – bad lighting, three-paneled mirrors, squeezing and plumping and twisting a body used to sweats and fleece leggings into skin-tight spandex – it’s party time!”

I tried to hurry my preschooler past the tempting racks of colorful clothes – move along, nothing to see here – when I came face to face with a giant banner featuring a laughing model in a bikini holding an inner tube. She was smiling. She was carefree. She was tanned. And she had stretch marks.

Right there on her thigh, larger than life for the world to see were those tell-tale silvery lines that scream out, “I’m human, too!”

Target introduced more realistic, less photo-shopped models in its Spring 2017 swimsuit catalog. There were women with cellulite, women with large curves, and, yes, even women proudly showing their stretch marks. The popular chain received its fair share of excitement and relief from women everywhere, and, of course, its fair share of internet troll-ish criticism, too. I wasn’t sure if they would continue the untouched trend in its advertisements this year, so seeing that banner was a welcome surprise.

And, no lie, I did a happy dance right there in the swimsuit section. I took out my phone and snapped a picture of those lines – because taking a picture of a picture of a model’s bottom in public isn’t awkward at all. But I was so excited to show that picture to my pre-teen daughter that I didn’t care who was looking at me that morning.

My daughter had a huge growth spurt at 11. She went from a little over 5’3” to 5’8” in less than six months, and that kind of quick growth can take a toll on a girl’s skin. A few months into it, she came crying to me because she had some pale lines on her knees, and the boys on the bus kept making fun of her.

“What are those lines? What did you do to yourself? Those look weird.”

When she was younger I had explained about stretch marks when my daughter had seen the marks on my own body – a physical reminder of four pregnancies – but for a young girl, that was a worry for another day. So when she saw lines appearing on her body that had already changed so much, that moved differently and felt differently than ever before, she was devastated.

Is this because I’m fat? Will they ever go away? Do other girls have them? Will they show up in other places on my body, too? Do I need to wear pants from now on?

And oh, did those questions hurt my momma heart.

I have always wanted my children to see themselves as beautiful, treasured children of God. Children fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of their creator, perfectly crafted to His loving specifications. Perhaps because of my own body image struggles, I prayed they would feel comfortable in their own skin, not constantly critical of every little unique part of them.

But as much as I try to speak love and truth into my kids, those ugly whispers can still creep in. Those comparison whispers and inadequacy whispers. Those you’re-not-good-enough whispers that strangle dreams and drain resources.

Why am I like this? Why do I look like this? I’m different than everyone else. I wish I could be better, smarter, thinner, more…

Make no mistake about this, our children’s self-worth is a battleground. A battleground where words of love and truth, of beauty and humanity, are fighting fiercely with whispers and lies of perfection and criticism.

As parents, we can’t give up on that fight. We can’t let those whispers win even an inch of ground in our kid’s hearts.

So thanks, Target, for showing a happy young lady with stretch marks showing. I’ll take every ally I can in this fight.

You may also like:

Wear The Damn Swimsuit

Hey Moms, Lose the Weight

Why I Stopped Criticizing My Body in Front of My Daughter

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Sandra Samoska

Sandra Samoska is a stay at home wife and mom of four beautiful children. She enjoys writing about her faith, family, and how her family has grown her faith on her blog Outnumbered. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Do They Notice My Self-Doubt as a Working Mom?

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman taking a selfie in a bathroom mirror holding a coffee cup

At the office, I forget yet another small detail. Later, I am asked a simple question, something I should know the answer to, and I respond with “I don’t know” because it didn’t even occur to me to have that information on hand. I feel incapable of planning much ahead and insecure about my ability to read through the fine print. Another day of work is missed to be home with a sick baby, it’s been a difficult winter with illness striking our home, including a round of influenza for me. Meetings I was supposed to lead are covered by...

Keep Reading

Hello from the Other Side of 40

In: Living
Woman holding up 4 and 3 fingers on her hands

Facing 40 birthday candles? Let me tell you why your future is even brighter than those birthday cake flames, but first, I’ll also tell you—I get the big deal about turning 40. Facing that lofty milestone wasn’t fun for me. The dread started early when I was a young 37, and a sibling turned 40. I’m next! I realized, and I pouted and whined at the thought for the next three years. All of that bad behavior couldn’t keep me in my 30s though, and honestly, it left me a little embarrassed. Though this earthly tent is showing obvious signs...

Keep Reading

Having Kids Shows Who Your Real Friends Are

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mother and child walking through forest, color photo

Any mom, typical or special needs, will tell you having kids is the fastest way to tell who your real friends are. When your child is born with special needs this process becomes even more severe and obvious. At first, people visit and want to hold the baby, but once the delays kick in slowly people start to pull away. Disability makes them uncomfortable. That’s the truth. They hope you won’t notice, but you do. Honestly, most stop trying altogether. It’s not just friends who act this way either, sometimes it’s family too. That hurts the most. As a parent...

Keep Reading

Why Doesn’t Anyone Talk about How Hard Adult Friendships Are?

In: Friendship, Living
Woman sitting along on couch looking at smartphone

The scary thing about friendship is it’s completely disposable. You actively choose to remain friends. It can dissolve at any time. No one can force you into it. In marriage, you are bound to one another before God. As a parent, you have a familial obligation to your child. But friendship? That comes completely free and clear. You intentionally let them in, let them see your underbelly. Your messy house. Your imperfect marriage. Your rebellious children. Your weirdness, your quirks, your sin. And they can walk away at any moment. Oh, there are a few exceptions. Maybe you work together....

Keep Reading

The Last Text I Sent Said “I Love You”

In: Friendship, Grief, Living
Soldier in dress uniform, color photo

I’ve been saying “I love you” a lot recently. Not because I have been swept off my feet. Rather, out of a deep appreciation for the people in my life. My children, their significant others, and friends near and far. I have been blessed to keep many faithful friendships, despite the transitions we all experience throughout our lives.  Those from childhood, reunited high school classmates, children of my parent’s friends (who became like family), and those I met at college, through work and shared activities. While physical distance has challenged many of these relationships, cell phones, and Facebook have made...

Keep Reading

Being a Hands-on Dad Matters

In: Kids, Living
Dad playing with little girl on floor

I am a hands-on dad. I take pride in spending time with my kids. Last week I took my toddler to the park. He’s two and has recently outgrown peek-a-boo, but nothing gets him laughing like him seeing me pop into the slide to scare him as he goes down. He grew to like this so much that he actually would not go down the slide unless he saw me in his range of vision going down. When it’s time to walk in the parking lot he knows to hold my hand, and he grabs my hand instinctively when he needs help...

Keep Reading

Finding My Confidence in Learning to Enjoy Exercise

In: Living
Woman at exercise class, color photo

This picture is of me, noticeably overweight, attending a silks class. This is something I’ve always wanted to do, but I looked noticeably out of place in my XL frame, compared with the other women in their size two Lululemon leggings. At one point, before we began, I actually quietly asked the instructor if there was a weight limit. She reassured me that people a lot heavier than me had hung from their ceiling on those silks. Before we started hanging from the ceiling, the instructor had us all sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and our goal for...

Keep Reading

Dear Mom, Until We Meet Again

In: Grown Children, Living
Daughter hugs elderly mother from behind outside

Mom, I pray to the stars that someday, somewhere we pick up where we left off. Before the Alzheimer’s diagnosis. Before your life, my life, and our family’s life changed forever. If we meet again, will you appear just as I remember you before this awful disease took over? With ebony black hair, vibrant blue eyes, and a gracious smile. Will you look at me and know I am your daughter? Will you refer to me by my beloved childhood nickname? RELATED: The One Thing Alzheimer’s Cannot Take Away Will you embrace me in a warm hug and tell me...

Keep Reading

Somewhere Between Wife and Mom, There Is a Woman

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman standing alone in field smiling

Sometimes, it’s hard to remember there is a woman behind the mom. At home, you feel caught between two worlds. Mom world and wife world. Sometimes it’s hard to balance both. We don’t exactly feel sexy in our leggings and messy mom bun. We don’t feel sexy at the end of the day when we are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from being a mom all day. The truth is we want to feel like ourselves again. We just aren’t sure where we fit in anymore. RELATED: I Fear I’ve Lost Myself To Motherhood We know the kids only stay...

Keep Reading

Friendship Looks Different Now That Our Kids Are Older

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Two women and their teen daughters, color photo

When my kids were young and still in diapers, my friends and I used to meet up at Chick-fil-A for play dates. Our main goal was to maintain our sanity while our kids played in the play area. We’d discuss life, marriage, challenges, sleep deprivation, mom guilt, and potty-training woes. We frequently scheduled outings to prevent ourselves from going insane while staying at home. We’d take a stroll around the mall together, pushing our bulky strollers and carrying diaper bags. Our first stop was always the coffee shop where we’d order a latte (extra espresso shot) and set it in...

Keep Reading