I’m giving this job only a piece of me.
I know you’re disappointed. You’ve made it clear that my work is all over the place. I’m slipping. My head’s not in the game.
I used to go above and beyond. My creativity used to flow and we all knew I was going somewhere. Nothing was going to stop me. Glass ceiling, meet my hammer.
And then I had kids.
Not only did my priorities change, but my energy, my focus and my heart . . . So. Much. Change.
Now? You want me to “give it my all”. But I can’t.
While I write the paperwork, my thoughts are on my oldest son at school. Will he have a good day? Is he using his words and listening to the teacher?
While we Skype on the conference call, my thoughts veer to my youngest son at home with the nanny. Is he feeling better? Has his cough gone down?
I’m thinking about what I’m making for dinner. I’m thinking about when I’m going to reschedule the dentist. And I’m wondering how I’m going to pick up my son from school on time if this meeting runs any longer.
You want me to give it my all, but I don’t have all to give. Just a piece. And if that piece is not enough, I understand. But I have other jobs . . . jobs I cannot quit. I’m a mom, a family manager, an event organizer, a fun curator, and so much more.
My kids need my help with things . . . things I can’t delegate. You can’t delegate the role of mom. And I wouldn’t want to even if I could. It’s that emotional bond. It’s the only thing I do well right now, in fact. If you saw me, you would see that I am really good at what I do. Because I do give it my all. As a mom, I will always give it my all.
Which is why we are here. At this moment in time, with you asking me to give more to work, and me telling you emphatically that I cannot.
My kids have my all. And whether or not that is good enough for you, it is everything to me. Because they are everything to me.
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